


Friends With A Benefit

by CrushingOnRazz



Series: All Razz and Blue Stuff [3]
Category: Written in the Scars
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, Past Domestic Abuse, Romance, Roommates, Slow Romance, and doesn't regret it after because of drinking, everyone involved is always enjoying themselves, heavyish angst tbh, just assume when alcohol is involved, just kind of a lot of sex, that everyone is the same level of drunk, thers no sex in this that is not completely consensual, unless otherwise specified, very heavy angst but in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24159421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrushingOnRazz/pseuds/CrushingOnRazz
Summary: What happens when you start sleeping with your best friend just to help her numb the pain?Feat. Every String Possible Being Accidentally Included
Relationships: Razz/Blue - Relationship
Series: All Razz and Blue Stuff [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743484
Comments: 7
Kudos: 9





	1. This is gonna turn out great idiots

**Author's Note:**

> I won't be tagging this work chapter by chapter. It's already been written in my OSC so if you need a tagged version head over there! It's called "Tenacity" in the OSC. [Here's the link!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16369856/chapters/57199549)

Razz blinked blearily at the screen of his laptop. The words on the page were swaying, and between exhaustion and computer error, he was going to bet on exhaustion. This paper was going to be the death of him. He loved psychology classes, enough to consider changing his major altogether more than once, but there was nothing worse than the way his current professor graded the assigned papers. His grade on the first one was the reason he was already this tired despite the due date being a week away.

He adjusted his position, leaning back more securely against the foot of the couch. Dropping to the floor was probably the worst possible decision in terms of back pain, but he hadn’t been able to stand another moment on the couch or hunched over the counter. His tailbone hurt, and his eyes were _still swimming_. 

Maybe it would be best to take a break. 

Closing his laptop, Razz inhaled deeply, tipping his head back to maximize the air flowing into his lungs. If he stopped now, he’d have to work more tomorrow, but he--

The front door slammed shut, startling him into a more upright position. He looked back to see Blue with her back to him, her shoulders shaking as she struggled with something in her hands. 

“Blue?” he asked tiredly, and she jumped, glancing back. He was shocked to see tears staining her face in the split seconds before she hung her head. Without replying, she tossed her keys on the counter, turning away and practically running into her room. 

He was left in absolute shock. Through the thin wall separating her room from the living room, he could hear her break down into sobs. 

Never in the years that he had known her had he _ever_ seen Blue look like that. She was the most determined person he had ever met, making it through grief and trial he never could have imagined. They’d gone to the same high school, but he’d barely known her until just a few weeks before graduation, when the teachers had put up some kind of poster board announcing the college plans of all the seniors. He and Blue had been the only two coming to this university, and therefore he and Blue had decided to become roommates. Just them together against their dreams. In the years since, he’d gotten to know her very well, certainly well enough to know that there was something very, very wrong. 

After a few moments of shock, he forced himself to stand, crossing the small living room and standing in front of her door. He thought she’d been happy. It was just a few weeks before that she had come home flashing an engagement ring with an expression of such pure excitement it reflected back and pulled even his stress away for the moment. They’d celebrated until far too late in the night, and he’d almost slept through his classes the next day. 

Tentatively, he knocked on the door. 

“Blue? Are you okay?” 

There was no response, except that the sobbing grew muffled. She must have buried her face in her hands, or in her pillow. It tore at him. She was his best friend, and he didn’t like seeing her upset like this. Stiffening his resolve, he turned around, making his way into the kitchen and hoisting himself onto the counter to reach the top shelf of one of the cabinets where he knew Blue hid her stash of snacks. 

“Are you… stealing my candy?” 

He started, peeking guiltily over his shoulder to see that she had finally emerged, and was peering at him through tears in obvious confusion. She had changed into a big T-shirt, long enough to almost hide the hem of her shorts, and had her arms crossed over her chest. It was more defensive than accusatory, but he still felt bad. 

“I was going to push it under your door?” He was telling the truth, so why did that sound so much like a lie? “I wasn’t sure what else to do to help.” 

She snorted, and he was relieved to see a little bit of her old personality rear its head. “A likely story.” Blue was something like five feet tall, and he was standing on the counter above her, but she still seemed to stand tall. That was something he'd always admired about her, that sometimes he didn't even notice how small she was. No one could call Blue weak.

“Is there something else I can do? Or do you want to talk about it? Or--” 

“No, Razz…” shaking her head slowly, she crossed the room until she was standing just below him. “You should probably get down from there though.” 

“Then you’re gonna have to move.” 

Once he was down, he reached out, awkwardly throwing an arm around her and patting her back. She snorted again, louder this time. “I’ll be okay, Razz.” 

“What happened?” 

She shook her head quickly, and he noticed her arms tighten around her chest. “I… I don’t want to--” He was thrown once again as tears reappeared in her eyes, but she quickly pushed them away, her frustration with herself obvious. “I’m being a fuckin crybaby is what I am. Can we drink? That’s what you can do. Let’s watch reality TV and drink.” 

Raising a brow in doubt, he just looked at her for a long moment. She stared right back, the determined set of her shoulders making him realize that she was going to do it either way, with or without him. Might as well be with him. 

“What are you having? Something straight?” He knew without even looking that she was making a face at the back of his head. “Or just like an ounce of something mixed with a bunch of other stuff?” 

“Hand me the Malibu,” she said in response, and he snickered, reaching up to grab some juice to mix his own drink with. He could hear the grin in her voice.  “Lightweight.” 

“Alcoholic.”  He flipped her off behind his head. 

~~

“Look at her and _tell_ me that you don’t stan Anfisa!” Blue insisted, laughing. She pointed vaguely at the screen, then turned, reaching out and grabbing Razz’s jaw to assist him in properly looking at her subject. “She is taking this man for all he is worth!” 

He snorted, gently prying her fingers away and reaching for his cup. “She’s taking a bit of advantage of him, you have to admit that much. He seems like he loves her.” 

“Please, they’re engaging in a transaction. She takes his money, and she lets him sleep with her. They’re taking advantage of each other!” 

“I think you only like her because she has a great body.” 

Blue’s jaw dropped in false innocence. “First of all, how dare you.”

“How dare _I?!_ ” He took a sip, then gestured carefully with the cup. “I’m not letting my vagina do my thinking for me. I stan who I wanna stan, and I’m not gonna be so shallow about it.” 

Grinning, Blue reached for her own glass, taking a deep gulp and dropping it back on the table. “She is hot though.” 

“She’s definitely hot.” He was grinning, equal parts genuinely having fun and wildly relieved that she was no longer on the edge of tears. It had taken a few episodes to get to this point, but he was very glad she was here. 

“Do you have a type?” she was suddenly asking, leaning forward with her own brand of Blue eagerness. “Like, is she just hot in general or is she, like, _hot_?” 

“I’m going to start crying if either of us says the word hot one more time.” 

“That doesn’t answer my question.” 

He pursed his lips, leaning towards the TV and narrowing his eyes. “You’re right, it doesn’t.” 

Something smacked him on the arm, and he grinned. He set his drink down on the table, turning towards her with the intention of poking a little bit of fun at her own type, but was brought up short by how close she was to him, sitting forward on the cushion with one hand on her lap, the other around the couch at his back. Her eyes were hooded, and she was looking down at her legs. “You alright?” he asked. 

Humming shortly, she glanced up, and their eyes met. Then, she took a deep breath, and pulled in the hand that had been around his back, instead ducking under his own arm and leaning into the crook of his shoulder. Surprised, he let himself hover for a moment, then settled on awkwardly patting the side of her head. 

She hesitated. “I… might be a little tipsy.” 

“I can tell,” he said, letting his grin crop back up. “That’s okay, me too. And you’ve had a bad day. I don’t mind giving you a hug, Blue, you could just ask for it.”

“Hmm.. I do like hugs.” She laid a hand on his chest, and his breath faltered. Her palm flat, she let her touch drop a little, running her thumb across one of his scars as it appeared under her hand. Then she sighed, slipping the hand around him and to his back, squeezing slightly in a careful hug. His breathing started again, and he blinked, hugging her back. 

“Hugs are pretty nice.” 

“So are kisses.” 

Squinting, he pulled back a little to peer down at her, trying to get his eyes to focus. “They sure are.” Reaching out, he tried to pat her on the head, missing slightly as he forgot to account for his lack of coordination. “You okay?”

She inhaled, then let it out in a slow smile. “I’m fine. What do you think, though? Hypothetically? Do you think you would kiss me, if I asked you to?” 

When he didn’t immediately answer, she cuddled back into his chest, hand returning to its place just below his scars. She sighed, almost silently, and he felt the breath brush across his collar. Then, she shifted, and a soft kiss was pressed to his skin, just below the crook between his neck and shoulder. Almost automatically, he went stiff, but she didn’t seem to notice, kissing him again just a little further up his neck. “Razz,” she murmured, and he felt the word against his throat. 

“Blue--” when he spoke, his voice was strangled, and he cleared it, pulling back and lifting his arm from around her. He almost immediately regretted it, as her face crumpled back into the devastated grimace from earlier that evening. “I’m not mad or anything, just-- what are you doing? You’re engaged.” 

It took her a long moment to respond as she sat up, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. “I-If I wasn’t, would you do something for me?” 

“Something?” 

“If we could maybe come to some kind of arrangement? Hypothetically.” 

“Blue, I don’t want to be that guy.” He wasn’t stupid, he knew what she was insinuating. But he was having a hard time putting together why . Or that she was a different person than he had thought she was. “I’m not a homewrecker.” 

“You wouldn’t be.” Holding up the hand that had been laying on his chest, she seemed to study it carefully. It took him far too long to realize that her ring was no longer on her finger. “And anyway, this is hypothetical.” 

He was still staring at her hand, trying to wrap his brain around what possibly could have happened. “What kind of arrangement, exactly?” 

“I… I just need someone. I need this. You’re my best friend, you care about me more than anyone else I know. Who else could I trust to stick to the rules? To treat me alright while they’re getting me out of my head. Even just for a split second, Razz, I want to forget I-I… I want to be fucked until I can’t think anymore. Until every godforsaken thing that happened in the past fucking week and a half disappears. And who else could I ask?” 

“You…” what the fuck “Are you asking me to date you? Be a rebound?” The idea wasn’t repulsive, exactly, but it was foreign. Complicated. 

“No!” He wasn’t sure he liked how fast she’d said that. “No, I’m not suggesting dating. I’m suggesting--”

“Screwing around.” His mind was racing, somehow trying to simultaneously make sense of what was being asked and come to a decision at the same time. “Blue, what happened?” 

“That wouldn’t be part of the deal,” she said quickly. “If this is becoming unhypothetical, then I don’t want to think. I don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t want to lose you. You're pretty damn important to me.” 

“If this is becoming unhypothetical, I’m going to need a better definition of what you’re asking. What, friends with a benefit?” 

“I wouldn’t be opposed to the benefits being plural,” she murmured. 

“Do you want to sleep with anyone, and you’re just asking me because I’m here?” He’d thought they were better than that. That they were close enough she wouldn’t want to risk even having this conversation. He got the feeling that on any other night, with any less alcohol, she wouldn’t be.

“I’m asking you because you’re you. Razz, you’re the best guy I know. I don’t want to involve feelings, I don’t want to risk our friendship, I just want to stand up, right now, walk to my room, and have you get these fucking feelings out of my head. I trust you. I trust you not to let this ruin things, I trust you to be careful with me and to ask for consent and to respect me afterwards.” She looked terrified, a little embarrassed, kept glancing down at her hands. “You asked what you could do to help. That’s what I’m asking for. But if you don’t want to, no hard feelings. Just because I’m… I won’t risk our friendship, and I hope this isn’t hurting you.”

“No, Blue, it’s not _hurting_ me. I’m more confused than I think I’ve ever been in my life, but--”

“This just feels like the only thing to put me back together, and I know it’s crazy, but, god, if I don’t want to be fucked within an inch of my life right now.” Laughing nervously, she tried for a joke. "And I've heard you're pretty good at that." 

"Wha- Where did you--"

"We're roommates, Razz. I can hear your references from the next room."

Despite himself, he let out a hoarse laugh. God, he _knew_ her fiancee. Her name was Callie, she was in their shared major, they had classes together. He had been the first person Blue had told about the engagement, the first friend she introduced Callie as her girlfriend to. They told each other everything, so how did he have no idea this was something she would ever want? He already knew his decision, though, and his body certainly knew his decision. It was so stupid, but--

“Pinky promise, Blue,” he said, sticking out his hand, finger extended. “No matter what happens, we’re still friends. This will not mess things up. This will not get complicated. This will not make one of us break our lease. That would be really inconvenient.” 

She snorted half-heartedly, but excitement shone in her eyes. She entwined her pinky with his, and he tightened his grip, pulling her hand closer an narrowing his eyes. “And I am not a homewrecker. No one else is getting hurt because of this.” 

Blue swallowed, then shook her head. “I’m not a cheater.” 

“I know.” He released her, then leaned back into the couch. “Alright then. What next?” 

A huge smile started to grow across her face, and she pushed herself to her feet, carefully brushing imaginary lint off her shirt before extending a hand. “Let’s go.”


	2. Whoa, sex. gross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna reiterate that tag about them being equally drunk. In this fic, you can always safely assume that if there's drunk sex going on, they're minorly compromised and at the same level of drunk. I know it's a gray area and if that makes you uncomfortable, skip it, but just know that it's all good and they're both fine! Anything that comes across as them being unequal is just my bad writing lmao

Razz could feel the nerves sparking through him to the tips of his fingers as he stood and immediately tripped over his own feet. Blue caught him, stumbling back and grunting. A nervous giggle burst out of her mouth as he straightened up, and he did his best to look normal. This was fucking… wild. That was the only word for it. It was a wild idea. He almost couldn’t believe he was actually considering this, that he had just said yes to-- she was tugging on his hand, and he stumbled forward, catching himself a little more gracefully this time. 

“What are the ground rules?” he asked suddenly. 

She laughed again, louder this time. “Like a safe word? Razz, I never took you for--” 

“No! Just like… god, this is so weird.” He dropped her hand as she walked into her room, hovering in the doorway and just staring at her for a long moment. He shook his head quickly, trying to clear it. “Is this weird?” 

Grinning back at him, Blue fumbled open the button of her jeans and pulled on the zipper, hooking her thumbs into the hem to pull them down off her waist. “It’s a little weird. Still wanna do it?” 

“Yes, but… Ground rules, Blue. Kissing, touching, what are you okay with, do you--” 

“Tell you what,” she said, kicking her jeans in the general direction of her laundry basket. He allowed himself to glance at the way her underwear hugged her skin, weirdly surprised to see that it was blue. Then she started to tug that off too, and he quickly averted his eyes. “If there’s something you wanna do that you're not sure I'll like, ask. Otherwise, go for it and I’ll tell you if I’m not into it.” 

“I have no doubt of that. And loudly, I’m sure.” 

“Loudly, huh?,” she grinned, sitting on her mattress and tipping her chin up to meet his eyes. “You have no idea.” 

They stared at each other for a long moment, then he burst into nervous laughter, and she snorted. His chest settled a little at the look on her face, a familiar light mockery he’d been on the end of for years. A little hazier than usual, sure, but it was Blue. It was just Blue. He had to stop feeling like a 16 year old virgin hooking up with the high school football jock. Jesus Christ. 

“Should I get my dick?” 

“Your _what_?! ” The look on her face was priceless, and now he was the one giggling, steadying himself on the door frame. 

“I don’t exactly grow my own, y'know. And keeping it in my pockets might make for some awkward situations.” 

The bed creaked as she let herself fall back, legs still together and her giant shirt crumpling a little around her waist. He technically couldn’t see a whole lot more than if she was just wearing a swimsuit, but he could feel his ears burning, and he was sure his face was red. “Fine,” she sighed. “But I’m starting without you.” 

He spun around, running across the hall and fumbling his door open. Behind him, he heard a drawn-out sigh, and his eyes widened. Despite himself, he grinned. He dropped to his knees, reaching under his bed and yanking out a plastic tub. He opened it quickly and grabbed the straps he could see at the top, pulling the attached purple silicone with it before shoving the container back under the bed without bothering to close it. 

Trying to jump to his feet, he tripped into the mattress, then swore, pushing himself back to his feet and crossing the hall. Blue’s legs had fallen to either side, and he suddenly couldn’t pull his eyes from where her fingers were circling. She sighed again, and he glanced up, noticing a frustrated frown wrinkling her face. “What’s wrong?” 

“Ugh,” she groaned, sitting up as he slowly closed the door behind him. “Whiskey dick. I’m gonna need some--” She tilted her head to one side, expression faintly amused. A grin started to grow across her face, and he felt his heart start to pound again. 

“I like the color.” 

“What?”

“Your, uh. ‘Dick’. I like the purple. Wouldn’t have expected something so bright, though.” 

He snorted, getting a strange burst of confidence from her making fun of him. “You know, we could just admire it, but if you’d prefer, I could show you a magic trick.”

She had been reaching for her nightstand, but she paused to glare at him. “I swear, if you’re about to say you can make it disappear--”

“Well, it’s no fun if you steal the punchline!” 

Shaking her head, she reached for the nightstand again, accidentally jamming a finger against the front and loudly swearing. She got it open on her second try, pulling out a clear bottle and squeezing some of the contents onto her fingers. As she tossed the bottle back into the drawer, he trailed his eyes down her body, reaching down to thumb at the hem of his shirt. “Were you gonna take your shirt off?” 

“No.” 

He swallowed. “You know, you have nothing to be insecure--”

“Razz,” she said, a bit gentler this time. She laid back down, spreading her legs again and smearing the contents of one finger onto herself. “ _Fuck_. That’s better. I’m not insecure. I just want mine on. Wouldn’t mind yours being off though.” 

She winked, and he huffed, tossing his toy onto her bed and tugging his shirt off over his head. It dropped to the floor, and he reached for his belt, struggling for a moment before Blue giggled loudly. He looked up, embarrassed, only for his mouth to fall open as he saw her working the rest of her lube over the shaft of the strap-on. “Let me.” 

Almost in a trance, he stepped forward, watching her face as she undid his belt with one hand, feeling her tug down his zipper. The backs of her fingers brushed between his legs, and he flinched, then burst into giggles for the thousandth time. “I think we’d better concentrate on you.” Then, to the faint hurt in her eyes, he smiled. “I’d like to see proof of this ‘loud’ you mentioned.” 

He was a little impressed with himself for how smoothly that came out, and she shook her head bemusedly, holding out the toy for him to take. He pulled his underwear down with his pants, stepping out of them and into the straps as he took it from her. To his surprise, she grabbed the trailing ends, tugging sharply to tighten them. Then she reached out, spreading the slick further onto the shaft before scooting back on the bed, laying down. She considered her messed hand for a moment, then wiped it on her sheets. 

Razz made a face as he got onto the mattress after her. “Gross.” 

“I’m gonna need to wash them anyway. Don’t judge me.” 

Shaking his head, he considered her as she went back to rubbing herself. After a moment’s consideration, he grabbed her by the hips, tugging her a little closer so that he had better access. He wasn’t blind or clueless, and of course he’d _noticed_ that Blue was attractive. She was curved, and her waist was slim, her skin smooth, and her hair silky, with confidence bleeding from every pore. But this was starting to make him realize he’d never really appreciated just _how_ hot Blue was. It was getting to him, the way her face was softening and her eyes hooding shut, fingers circling into her soft labia, and suddenly, he couldn’t resist taking her by the wrist, lifting her fingers to his mouth and quickly running his tongue along them. 

Her eyes shot open, and she burst into laughter as he made a face, letting go of her hand and sticking out his tongue in disgust. “Dumbass, you watched me put lube on there!” 

“I guess I just forgot or thought it was flavored or something!” he exclaimed, trying to get the taste of plasticy soap off his tongue. 

“I’m not risking a yeast infection to taste like caramel and daisies! I’m usually under the impression that if someone is using their mouth on me, they’re either not gonna need lube or they don’t know what they’re doing.”

“You sure you don't just naturally taste like a bath bomb?” 

“Pretty damn sure!” she laughed, curling her hands over his shoulders. “Fucking hell, just get inside me, would you? I’m in the mood to be sore tomorrow.” 

He snickered, steadying himself with one hand as she nearly unbalanced him with her legs wrapping around his waist. With the other, he steadied the shaft, guiding it against her and pressing forward with his waist. "This okay?" 

"I can take a lot more than this," she breathed, pulling him a little with her legs. "How about you try to find the limit?" 

Grinning, he adjusted, pushing forward a few inches at once. "Like that?"

She let out a noise that was half-laugh, half-moan. "Not even close." He snorted, pulling back and pushing forward again. He was so caught up in watching her face, enjoying the expressions falling across it, that what he was doing didn't really hit him until he had bottomed out. Blinking, he looked down at where they were joined. She was spread around the purple silicone, and as he watched, he could have sworn he saw her twitch. Testingly, he pulled out a little, and she sighed. Fingers lit under his chin, tilting his gaze up to meet hers. Adjusting her legs around him, Blue pressed her knees tightly around his waist and let go of his face to grasp at the sheets by her head. 

“Razz,” she breathed, and he almost choked. "You're doing great, don't worry about it."

Slowly, he pressed back in, then leaned forward, breathing in her soft moan as he settled his elbows to either side of her head. “You're still alright?” 

“I’ll be better when you actually move,” she grinned, then reached down with one hand, reaching between them and doing something that made her breath catch. “I’m o-okay. More than okay. You okay?”

God, yeah. Absolutely. Fucking completely. “I’m fine.” 

“Then come _on_!” The look in her eyes showed she meant no harm, and she used her free hand to pat his face, fingers wandering up to tangle into his hair. “Please?” 

He let her tug him down, plant a kiss on his jaw and leave her face against his cheek. Despite himself, he was still nervous, but he forced himself to speak up. "Please, what?"

In response, her back arched, and she murmured, "Make me feel good again."


	3. Discussing the issue like adults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funniest thing about this story is how they really try to not catch feelings. like bruh.

Razz woke up slowly, and then all at once, his mind rushing in to inform him that his head fucking  _ hurt  _ . He exhaled slowly, cursing god and his ancestors for being prone to bad hangovers. It wasn’t like he didn’t remember anything, or had even drunk that much to begin with. Cracking his eyes open, he took in the first thing he saw. It was a photo on the nightstand of Blue with her little brother, Sean. It was from her graduation, and she had her arms thrown around him, grinning with her cheek pressed to his. Cheesy. It made him smile anyway. 

Rolling over, he sighed again, reaching out for Blue in the same moment he caught sight of her, sitting on the side of the bed with her shirt pulled up, peering down at where a dark red bruise was splotching across her ribs. She jumped as he moved, yanking the shirt down and looking at him guiltily. 

Horrified, he sat up halfway, asking “What--”

"I fell," she said immediately, and he looked at her doubtfully. 

"Down a mountain?!"

“Into a chair. I don’t want to talk about it.” Her face turned to stone, and she looked away. “You weren’t supposed to sleep here. It didn’t mean anything.” 

His chest ached, and he slowly laid back down. “I know that. You don’t have to tell me about it, but do you need to go to the--?” 

“This isn’t part of the deal, Razz! It's not up for discussion!” 

"Blue, what if you broke something?" 

"I didn't and I don't care."

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. He was trying not to let himself be hurt about it as he felt the bed shift, and he looked to see her starting to stand. Suddenly panicked, he reached out, throwing an arm around her waist and tucking his forehead against her side. He could feel the rough cloth of her shirt against his face, but he forced himself to ignore it, instead shakily murmuring, “Are we still okay? Talking might not be part of the deal, but staying friends was.” 

She sagged, and he felt her fingers card through his hair. “Of course. I’m sorry, I just..” her voice was shaking. “It was a bad day yesterday.”

“I can tell. I won’t ask anymore, but if you want to talk about it, I’m here.” She sighed in disgust, and he shook his head gently against her side. “If you don’t, that’s fine. I’m just here.”

Laughing, she finally straightened, gently loosening his arms from around her waist and pressing back on his shoulder. “You wanna talk about something, how about doing that again?” He went onto his back, and she smiled, throwing one leg over his waist and sitting on his hips. He noticed she’d put underwear on while he was asleep, a piece completely at odds with what she’d been wearing the night before. No lace or dark blue coloring now, and he grinned at the little pattern of pink hearts decorating a soft purple surface. 

“Now?” he asked, his voice a little high-pitched. He cleared his throat, gave a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m hungover, I’m not sure I really--” 

She grinned at him, putting her hands on his chest and sliding them down to his stomach. “Orgasms are supposed to help with headaches.” 

“That doesn’t seem right.”

“You don’t seem right,” she shot back, but she was smiling, hands pausing as she tilted her head to one side. “Would you, though? Want to do it again?”

Setting his hands on her bare thighs, he replied, “Yeah. I had fun. Are you sure you do?” 

“I did ask.” 

“You did just snap at me for sleeping in here. And a few nights of fun isn’t worth losing my best friend,” he said quietly, and the smile faded from her face. 

She shifted in place, then settled forward, tucking her face into his neck and sighing. He shuddered as her breath tickled at his throat, then the vibration of her voice tickled at it more. “I’m sorry. I won’t let that happen again.”

Blue hair swept against his cheek, and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “Blue, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to wrap me around your fingers.” 

Her voice was muffled by his skin. “Is it working?” 

Running his hands the rest of the way up her legs, he snapped one side of her underwear against her hip. “I do like these. I think I had the same pair in seventh grade.” 

She snorted, sitting up and climbing off of him, tossing the blankets into his face in lighthearted disgust. “Don’t you have a paper you need to finish?” He laughed heartily, sitting up and watching her as she picked up his pants from the floor, chucking those in his direction too. 

“Thank you, m’lady.” 

“Shoo,” she said, actually flapping her hands in his direction. “I gotta get breakfast.” 

“I’ll make it,” he proclaimed, getting out of the bed and collecting the rest of his clothes.

“Lean a little more into the spirit of a one-night stand and climb out the window,” she said as she shimmied into a pair of shorts. “I dare you.” 

“Don’t test me.”

~~

Blue moaned aloud, nails digging roughly into Razz’s chest as she rocked her hips. “  _ Fuck  _ ,” she breathed, and he laughed quietly, thumb circling harder into her clit. 

He’d tried to work on that essay. He’d really tried. They’d eaten breakfast, he’d sat down, opened his laptop, and started to work. Then Blue had sat down beside him with her own computer, opened a math assignment, and thrown an arm around his back. It’d only taken a few minutes of her fingers at the nape of his neck for him to slam his laptop shut and ask, “Wanna take a break?” 

She ground forward in a way that made him gasp, yanking him back to the present. He caught her grinning at him, and let himself breathe out a quiet moan of his own as she did it again. The inside of his strap had been made with a pad of soft, textured silicone, made to grind against him as his partner moved. He was getting the feeling that Blue had experience being on the other end of something similar. He’d never cum just from this before, but there had been a few moments that he thought he might be about to break that record. He was pretty sure, though, that she wasn’t going to last much longer at this pace. 

She kept moving, hands slipping a little in their place on his chest as she threw her head back. Her hair had come out of its usual bun, the band on the floor and her hair brushing his stomach or legs every time she leaned too far one way. 

He forced his fingers to move faster. She drew off a breath in a long whine, clenching her teeth before visibly forcing herself to relax. Then sat up, leaning back and shuddering at the change in angle. “R-right there,” she breathed, and he inhaled sharply. Her movements stuttered, and her body jerked, chest pushing towards the air. 

After he’d left the room that morning, she had changed out of her T-shirt, so even though she had again stayed half-dressed, the tank top she now wore clung to her body in a way that was sending his imagination into overdrive. He didn’t think she minded, since she kept reaching to adjust it further up her stomach like she knew exactly what she was doing. He had no doubt she did. 

Lifting his hips, he met her mid-thrust, and she moaned again, her voice taking on a higher pitch as she suddenly shook, going open-mouthed and silent for a split second before gasping out, “O-okay, alright, fuck, give me a second--” 

He grinned, fingers leaving her clit to run up her side. His grip pressed into her thigh, enjoying the feeling of her skin against his, then he continued up to slip his fingers just under the hem of her shirt. She hissed, and he realized he must be bothering the bruise he’d seen earlier. Deciding to say nothing about it, he dropped his hand, but she caught it. She was still breathing hard as she pressed a kiss to his palm, then placed the hand on her chest over her shirt. Leaning forward, she slipped off the toy, resting her forehead against his shoulder. He pressed his fingers into the soft cloth of her shirt as he felt her kiss the skin just below his collarbone. It was good to know that this wasn't an uncrossable boundary, it was one of the things he'd been consciously restraining himself from doing, figuring she just didn't want her chest touched. He filed that information away for later.

“That...that was even better than last night,” she said breathlessly. 

“Really?” he laughed, speaking into her hair. “I couldn’t tell, but I’m glad you let the neighbors know.” 

She snorted, then collapsed to the side. “I like being in control,” she explained needlessly. They were both quiet for a moment, her rolling over and throwing an arm over him, pressing another soft kiss to his shoulder. “Did you cum?”

“Nah. But I don’t care. I usually don’t.” She frowned at him, and he snickered before she could get that stubborn look on her face that meant she was about to prove him wrong. “You wanna just keep kissing my body or actually kiss me? Not that I don’t appreciate the compliment.” 

Snickering, she leaned in almost automatically, lips an inch from his for a long moment before her face fell. She took him carefully by the jaw, turning his face to press her mouth to his cheek instead. “Keeping feelings out of something like this is already hard enough, I think,”

A little disappointed, Razz nodded. “Okay. That makes sense.” 

She smiled as she pulled away, but the worry was back in her eyes. “Friends?” 

“Mmm…” he ran his hands along her hip, cautiously kissed her on the tip of her nose. “Friends. Of course.”


	4. They do exist in a real world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well Timothy might be a homewrecker and little bit of a slut but Razz turns out to be a cuck so like who really wins here lmao

Razz took a long drink from his water bottle, letting his bag slip from his shoulder as he pulled his phone from his pocket. This was his favorite class, not just because it was currently the most applicable to his major, but because he’d managed to take it with both Blue and--

Someone smacked his shoulder hard enough to make him stumble forward a few steps, and he glared over his shoulder at Timothy, who just grinned. Huffing, Razz took a seat on one of the hall benches, taking another drink and studiously ignoring the other. Timothy snorted, sitting next to him and holding out a hand. “Hand it over.” 

“What?” Razz glanced over, then down at his hand. “My phone? No!”

“No, jackass, your water bottle.” 

“Why would I let you have that? We’re all thirsty, it’s a fucking dance class and you should’ve brought your own.”

“Speaking of thirsty…” 

Razz groaned, capping the bottle and shoving it into his bag. “Dude, you’re gonna get AIDS.” 

“But I swear, he might be the one. Put your phone away, you gotta listen.” 

Rolling his eyes to the heavens, Razz shoved his phone back into the pocket of his sweats, throwing an arm over the back of Timothy’s chair and giving him his full dramatic attention. “Give me the love story. Who’s the one this time?” 

“Well, you don’t have to be disrespectful.”

“I know for a fact you don’t want me to respect you. That wouldn't be nearly enough fun. Give me the tea.”

“Alright, well--” Timothy crossed his legs, making the shape of a triangle in the air with his hands as Razz watched with interest. “--he’s absolutely gorgeous. His name is Derek.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“ _ Yeah  _ . I’ve known him for about three weeks--” 

“A record.”

“--and last night,  _ wow  _ .”

“Wow?”

“Yeah. He’s perfect. The guy can cook, he has a good relationship with his father, an actual range of emotions, and he is  _ phenomenal  _ in bed.” 

“Gross.” 

“Razz! C’mon, be excited for me, quit being a dick.” 

Snorting, Razz clapped Timothy on the shoulder. “Sorry, man, but that just sounds like basic shit. None of it is hard.” 

“And yet it’s hard to find all of those qualities in one guy, and  _ you  _ won’t date me, so I have to settle.” Timothy shoved him a little with one shoulder, grinning, then turning so he could throw himself over Razz’s lap. “I’m in love. That’s all there is to it.” 

Razz narrowed his eyes, looking down at essentially his only male friend suspiciously. “You’re pushing his good qualities too hard. What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing!” Timothy protested. Razz just waited, looking down at him in disapproval. He’d known Timothy almost as long as he’d been in college, met him in his second semester in a social inequality class. He was still, to this day, the only other person Razz had met who was majoring in dance and minoring in psychology. Razz would have died for him, he was an absolutely great guy, totally supportive and kind and full of humor in dark situations, but he could be absolutely frustrating when it came to his own life. He slowly seemed to wilt under Razz’s expectant gaze, and eventually sighed. “He might be married.” 

“ _ Tim _ !” Razz shoved the other off his lap and onto the ground. “What is wrong with you?!” 

“Oh, god,” said a voice from the other side, and Razz looked up to see Blue standing with her brows raised. “What’d you do?” 

Razz leaned back, shaking his head and gesturing for Blue to sit. Timothy sent him a questioning glance as she did so, but Razz ignored it. All three of them knew that Blue would have normally been with Callie at this time, getting a ride back to her place or grabbing lunch from the dining hall. Blue and Razz were close, and she had been his best friend for years, but they usually preferred to walk in different circles. Different parties, different friends, but they could both be depended on to show up at the end of the day and know each other better than anyone else. Which is why Timothy, Razz realized, would have no idea that Blue was no longer engaged. 

“He’s a lost cause,” he said confidentially, and Timothy scoffed, offended. 

“I’m not lost!” 

“Sleeping with a married man is pretty lost.” 

Blue snorted. “Damn. Married, huh?” 

“Unhappily!” 

“It wouldn’t matter if he was in the worst relationship ever recorded,” Razz preached, “It’s basic shit to end the relationship before you sleep with someone else.” 

“Is he closeted?” Blue asked helpfully. 

“Yes!” Timothy said, latching on to the explanation. “So he can’t just come out and divorce her, Razz, they have kids!”

“Timothy Anderson! Then you do not sleep with him!” 

“What if he’s my soulmate? Then I’d lose him!” Timothy was really pushing the persona of wailing protest, but Razz could see a half-ashamed smile starting to creep up onto his face.

“If he’s your soulmate, you’ll find each other again. When he’s not married.  _ If  _ he’s not married. Jesus Christ, Timothy.” 

“Razz,” he groaned, head hitting the floor. “You don’t get it. You’re such a puritan.” 

“Because I’m not a homewrecker?!” 

Conspiratorially, Timothy looked over to Blue, nodding to his friend and asking, “Give it to me straight, Blue, is he a virgin? If anybody would know it’d be you.” 

Blue made a face. “How would I know?” 

“You live with him! C’mon, has he ever brought a girl home? Or a guy, we’re all-inclusive here.” 

“Quit changing the subject!” 

Humming, Blue bounced one knee, leaning forward slowly before murmuring, “No details, but he’s not a virgin.” 

“No way!” Timothy was grinning, but Razz still rolled his eyes as the other continued. “C’mon Blue, give me  _ something  _ here!” 

She started laughing, and Razz smacked her lightly on the arm. “Quit it, I’m pretty comfortable up here on my high horse and you’re letting him get away with it.” 

“I’m not a teenager, but Razz still likes to mother me,” Timothy said, resigned.

“Not a woman.”

“Not allowed to pull the trans card during discussions about how irresponsible I am.” 

“You can’t stop me.”

Timothy pulled up his wrist, checking an imaginary watch and groaning before climbing to his feet. “Well, I need to go shower before my next class. Blue, I need names and numbers. Send me the list and I won’t tell him. Love you, asshole.” 

“Love you too, jackass. Stop sleeping with him!” Razz called after the other, then sat back with a huff. “Don’t you dare send him any kind of list.” 

Blue blinked innocently. “What, just a text with my own name and number? I think he already has it.” 

Smacking her again, he stood slowly, stretching his arms up above his head with a groan. “This is your last class, right?” He looked back, catching her eyes on his ass and shaking his head. She glanced up, then grinned, and he couldn’t help but smile back. She was still in her dance clothes, and he returned the favor by letting his eyes catch on each piece of exposed skin the outfit favored. 

“Yeah,” she said, yawning as she stood up to join him. 

“You want a ride home?” 

Making a face, she glanced back at the door to the classroom. Callie hadn’t been in class today, or any of them in the last few days. She had to be avoiding Blue, because even though Razz didn’t know her particularly well, he knew she wasn’t one to skip classes on a whim. As though she knew exactly what Razz had been thinking, Blue said, “I was hoping she’d be here today.”

“For the ride home? You know I’m in this class.” 

“No, of course not. I wanted to give her back her ring.” 

Razz made a face. He still didn’t know what had happened, and Blue still refused to even talk about it, but he knew something it had to be something bad. He wasn’t an idiot, and he could still remember the bruise stretching across her ribcage, standing out starkly against her pale skin. He didn't think Callie was that type, but she must've been there, seen it happen. God, if she'd just stood by as Blue got hurt and not done anything about it, he could understand why it had ended so quickly. “You should just sell it.” 

She just snorted, then grabbed his bag, slinging it over her shoulder with her own. “But yeah, I’d love a ride home. Just don’t kill us.” 

“I’m a great driver,” He said, trying to decide if he should take his bag back. 

“How many speeding tickets do you have?”

“That’s not important.” Deciding to just let her carry it, he advanced to the door, holding it open for her, then following her through and leading her to his parking spot. They were both quiet for a long moment, and his car was nearby, but he hesitated before he unlocked it. “You okay, though?”

“About what?” 

“Callie.” 

She gave him a look of annoyance, but he didn’t back down, just raising his brows expectantly. “Yeah, Razz, I’m fine. I just needed to talk to her.”

Considering, he finally unlocked the car, watching her throw the bags in the back and struggle to climb inside. “Need some help?” 

“I’ve fuckin’ got it, Razz.” 

“You’re pretty short,” he said, trying to hide the fact that he also had to use the handle to be able to climb in. 

“Believe me, I’ve noticed.” She finally got in successfully, breathing a sigh of relief. “And I’m  _ fine _ . I have a therapist, I’m journaling, I’m being gay, it’s a grand time. I just wanted some closure. And I  _ really  _ don’t want to deal with selling the ring.”

“I believe you,” he said, then looked at her sideways. “Sex can be an unhealthy coping mechanism.” 

She grinned at him straight-on. “Fun, though.” 

Shooting her a long-suffering look, he started the car, going to shift into reverse and pausing as he felt her hand alight on his leg. She ran a thumb over the cloth of his pants for a moment, then said, “It’s only unhealthy if it’s my only one, and I have other coping strategies. But you’re kind of my favorite.” 

Snorting, he grabbed her hand, glancing around to make sure no one was watching before pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “Don’t touch me while I’m at the wheel.” 

“Can I touch myself?” 

“Road safety, Blue. Distracted driving is illegal.”

~~~

“Why don’t you like to take your shirt off?” 

They were in Razz’s room, Blue laying with her head on his pillow and Razz sitting up next to her, laptop in his lap. She’d leaned against his doorframe an hour ago, a question in her eyes that had him sighing deeply. He’d wanted to say yes almost desperately, but that was more from procrastination than actually wanting to get laid. He really needed to get this done and turned in. She’d apparently been more bored than anything, though, because her only reaction to his explanation had been to make a face and climb into his bed anyway, wrapping an arm around his waist and closing her eyes. They’d been comfortably silent since then, her deep breathing making him wonder if she was even awake to hear his question. But she opened her eyes as he hit submit, peering up at him with annoyance. “It’s my choice.”

“I respect that,” he said, closing his computer and leaning over to set it on his desk. “I’m not pressuring you to do something you don’t want to, I’m just curious.” 

She huffed as he leaned into the headboard, letting go of his waist and rolling onto her back. For a long moment, he didn’t think she was going to answer him. “That bruise you keep asking about. I don’t like seeing it.  _ Don’t  _ ask where I got it.” 

“I wasn’t going to.” He hesitated for a moment, then scooted down on the bed, laying a hand on her arm and swiping a thumb over her skin. “It’s alright.” 

Quietly, almost like she didn’t want to say it, she murmured, “I don’t want you seeing it.” 

“You’re beautiful,” he said, as factually as he could. 

“Oh, I don’t care about that. If anyone’s not gonna care what I look like, it’s gonna be you. It’s just…I don’t like…” She couldn’t seem to finish the thought.

“Looking weak?” he guessed, and she stiffened slightly, then glanced over at him. 

“I… don’t want you to think of me as the victim again.”

He immediately knew what she was talking about, mind flashing back a few years to what had undoubtedly been the worst year of Blue’s life. She’d been hurt, badly, had had to take time off and go to her parent’s house for a few months not too long after. She didn’t even have a good relationship with her parents, and had come back from what was supposed to be a break worse than when she’d left. They had been pretty close before it happened, but it was after she got back that their relationship solidified into something more like best friends. He’d been there for her, and she’d taught him that he had value in his less masculine qualities. “I’ve never thought of you as a victim,” he said, completely honestly.

She snorted softly, rolling her eyes. “That’s hard to believe, since I've been victimized.” 

“Not so hard when you’re the strongest person I know.” He watched as she blinked, refusing to look at him, and sighed. He moved his hand to her ribs, where he knew the bruise was, and pressed a careful kiss to her cheek. “You can be hurt by a person without being their victim, and you’re the furthest thing from one. You’ve always fought back, harder than you were ever hurt.” 

As he pulled back, he was shocked to see tears welling in her eyes, but before he could say anything, she brushed them away, glancing up and forcing a laugh. “You really wanna see my boobs, don’t you?” 

He pretended to consider, fighting a smile. “Maybe a little.” 

Her laugh as she rolled into his arms was well worth the risk of the joke.


	5. Yet another chapter with zero connection to a plot of any kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shower sex sounds really difficult tbh 
> 
> also the first paragraph of this is a whole mood

When Razz woke up, he immediately wished he hadn’t. He made a face at the ceiling, eyes squinting against the light streaming in through his window, then rolled over, firmly planting his face into his pillow. Despite how desperately he wanted to go back to sleep, he could already tell he wouldn’t be able to this morning. He still laid in bed for about another 45 minutes, arms spread to either side and groaning intermittently. 

Eventually, he convinced himself to sit up, swinging his legs haphazardly over the edge of his mattress and forcing himself not to collapse to the floor. Still regretting being alive, he turned his head to one side, quickly smelling himself and then making a face. It was the weekend, it didn’t _really_ matter what he smelled like, right? 

“You look like ass,” he looked up to see Blue hovering in his open doorway, and he made another face. He hadn’t even heard her open the door. 

“Oh, thanks,” he grumbled, pushing himself to his feet. “Get outta m’room.” 

“Alright, alright…” she closed the door, and he wondered why she’d come in in the first place. Deciding he didn’t care yet, he stooped to open the bottom drawer of his dresser, pulling out a pair of shorts and a shirt, reaching up to grab his towel from where it was folded on top and completely missing the mark. He groaned, smacking his forehead to the wood semi-gently before balling everything into his arms and making his way to his bedroom door. He threw it open, and grumbled his way to the bathroom, catching sight of blue sitting cross-legged on her bed with a book in her lap. She looked up as he walked by, but he kept going, throwing his clothes and towel onto the bathroom floor and stripping off his shirt. 

He felt a little better as soon as the warm water hit him, brain unclogging and eyes opening. God, he should not be letting himself stay up so late. He reached up, rubbing at his eyes and looking down to realize he was still wearing his socks. Swearing, he stripped them off, wringing them out and tossing them at his other dirty clothes. 

He washed himself quickly, reaching for Blue’s shampoo just as a knock hit the door. Snatching his hand back, he heard her call out, “Hey, do you mind if I come in? I need to brush my teeth.”

He looked in her direction suspiciously. Knowing her, she’d already been awake for hours, and there was no way she hadn’t already brushed her teeth. Or couldn’t wait until he was done. Whatever, not like he cared. Ohh noo, she might see him naked. “Sure!” 

The door opened, and he squeezed some of her shampoo into his hand anyway, lathering it into his hair and smoothing it onto a spike on top of his head. Grinning, he stuck his head past the curtain, hoping she’d notice. She had a toothbrush in her mouth, but she stopped as she caught sight of him in the mirror. Slowly, she spit, then rinsed off the bristles as she looked back up. “You look good.” 

“Thanks!” Razz started to retreat back into the shower, then paused, peeking back out to look at her. She was wearing the jeans that were secretly his favorite, the ones that hugged her ass and went up to her waist. The looked great with her shirt, and he computed that she was wearing a crop top for the first time since she'd gotten her bruise. He realized, very suddenly, that as much as he liked the outfit, he'd also be a fan of seeing her out of it. “I don’t suppose you need a shower, too, do you?” 

She choked out a laugh, turning around and leaning back against the sink. As always, she looked even better from the front. “Only if you look like that the whole time.”

“Deal.” He ducked back into the shower, deciding she was probably joking and starting to rinse the soap out of his hair. After a moment, he heard the shower curtain move, and he stepped out of the stream of water, shaking his head like a dog and hearing Blue yelp in surprise. He wiped the water out of his eyes, looking at her with a grin and immediately coming up short as his brain ceased functioning. He was still too tired to act like a human being, he realized, staring at her boobs for way longer than was probably respectful. Forcing himself to look away, he glanced down at the bruise. It was starting to get yellow around the edges, and he was relieved to see that it didn't seem to be restricting her movement as she stretched her arms above her head. She was clearly faking the need to stretch, the show-off, but he couldn't help where his eyes kept going.

Realizing his mouth was hanging open, he closed it with a snap and averted his eyes from her chest, pretending she wasn’t laughing at him as he finished rinsing out his hair. As he wiped his eyes again, he saw that she had turned her back on him, looking suspiciously at the shelf of products. “Did you use my shampoo?” 

“What’s shampoo?” he asked, and she snorted, reaching for her body wash as he finally got the courage to reach for her, placing his hands on either side of her waist. She jumped, then grinned back at him, allowing herself to be pulled back into his front. 

“You know, it kinda seems like you might have ulterior motives to wanting me in here,” she said wryly, getting herself some soap as his hands wandered.

"Can I touch your-" She nodded, and he kissed her just below her ear, slid a hand up to cover one side of her chest. Trailing the kisses down to her shoulder, he glanced down, appreciating the view immensely.

She snorted as his fingers found what they were looking for, and held up her handful of body wash. “You wanna help me out here? Since you're gonna be touching anyway.” 

Grinning, he held out his free hand, letting her give him some of the soap before setting about making sure that every inch of her top half was completely clean. She snorted as he worked, watching his hands move. “You know, I think my boobs are probably clean by now.” 

“I just wanna make sure,” he shot back, and she laughed aloud. Grinning, he pulled them both back so that she was getting hit by the stream of water, rinsing the soap off her body and feeling her relax back against him. He kissed her neck again, getting some of the water in his mouth but not letting that dissuade him from his assignment. Feeling her squirm a little, he grinned against her skin, fingers slipping down between her legs. 

“I hope you know you’re being a fucking tease,” she groaned as he spread her open, not touching anything she wanted him to but just imagining what she must look like from the front, wet hair plastered to her shoulders and legs inching apart to make room for him. Her hand covered his on her chest, and the other grabbed his wrist, trying to move him to a better place. Resisting the push, he squeezed her breast softly, enjoying how soft she was, and the feeling of the water on her skin. 

"What, did you want control?" he finally asked. 

Blue huffed, giving up on moving his hand and reaching up to his hair. He felt her pull softly and bit back from groaning into her ear. "I'm pretty sure I have it," she said, and he could hear the smugness in her voice. "Sounds like you like giving it to me." Her fingers tightened, and this time, he did moan. Embarrassed, he leaned into her shoulder. 

"I don't mind a little pain, but you're the one trying to grind into me," he commented, and she laughed, turning her face just enough that she could see him. 

"Touch me," she breathed, and he exhaled harshly.

His fingers immediately shifted, finding her clit, and she sighed in contentment. “Fine,” he murmured, slow movements making her relax into him, “You win.” 

She laughed smugly, then moaned again as he went back to her neck, probably leaving hickies and not particularly caring. Grinding forward against his fingers, she finally spoke up, her voice a little strained. 

“Would you mind doing me a favor?” 

“Kinda thought I already was.” 

Snorting at that, she turned her head, and he had to move quickly to avoid his next kiss going to her face. “Could you grab the showerhead?”

~~~

Razz smiled softly as Blue rubbed her towel into her hair. The color had darkened with the water until it looked almost black, but as she pulled the towel away, he could see some of the brighter pieces peeking through. Her clothes were still laying in a pile on the floor, and his eyes kept jumping from her hair down to her legs, her chest, locking onto her face. If it was anyone but her, he'd probably be embarrassed by how much he was looking, but she just kept grinning at his predicament. He was already dry, having gotten out before her to let her wash her hair and had put on his boxers and shorts, but she’d gotten out somewhere around putting on his shirt, and he just hadn’t quite gotten around to it. 

He was sitting on the closed toilet, raking conditioner through his hair, and as he watched her, she glanced over, smiling. “What?” 

Embarrassed, he looked away, but could only hold it for a second before turning back with a slow grin. He leaned up, sticking his hands under the faucet before reaching back up, doing his best to scrunch his curls into place without the mirror “You’re just _really_ hot.” 

She smirked, wiping down her legs quickly before setting the towel on the counter and crossing to him. His face went red as she sat on his lap, legs swaying to either side of his and hands sliding down his chest. “I don’t think you realize how attractive you are, Razz. It’s hard to keep my hands off you.” He shivered as one hand dipped, fingers hooking into his waistband. “Is that why you don’t like me touching you? You don’t think you’re desirable?”

Her wet hair was still clinging to her neck, and he brushed a piece away as he answered. “Anyone would feel inadequate next to you. But I’m alright, I just prefer to be on the giving end.” 

Smile faltering as he made his comparison, she shook her head. “You’re fucking gorgeous. I certainly have no complaints about receiving, but… fuck, razz, if i don’t want to watch your face while I make you beg. What do you think?” 

Color flooded his cheeks, and his put his hands shakily at her waist. “That sounds…” 

He couldn’t quite finish his sentence, and she grinned at the want in his face. “Do you have any plans today?” Razz couldn’t remember if he’d had plans, but he certainly didn’t anymore. He shook his head. Blue leaned in. “...can I be your plans today?” 

“Fuck, yeah.” 

Watching as she adjusted her position in his lap, he had to stifle a gasp as she ground forward against the front of his pants. He couldn’t even really feel it, but he suddenly _really_ wished he could as she leaned forward, her chest brushing his and her voice low. “I keep thinking about you against me, calling out my name. I kinda like the idea of fucking you." She breathed out, and he thought he could hear he voice go a little shaky as she growled, "I think you'd look great while I make you cum against me.” 

“Yeah?” was all he could get himself to say, voice about three octaves higher than normal. 

“Yeah, Razz,” she said with a laugh that did nothing to hide the look in her eyes. Gently, she took hold of his jaw, tilting his gaze up to the ceiling and kissing his throat, then his jaw, teeth brushing his skin as she moved. She leaned up to whisper in his ear, and her breath against his face making him groan. “But probably not while you’re sitting on a toilet.” 

He snorted out a nervous laugh as she let go of his chin, looking down and catching the grin she was trying to suppress. “Well? Your room or mine?” 

Exhaling softly, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he took hold of her waist as she spoke. “Pick me up and take me wherever you'd like, Razz. I just want you.”


	6. aw shit here we go again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what, you thought i could write a story without any angst? you fool

The dining hall was packed today, and Razz huddled in a corner, back to the room in an effort to make himself seem less approachable. There were enough people that some of them were starting to have to double up at their tables, and he’d like to avoid that as much as possible. He was just on his last few bites, though, when he felt a tap on his shoulder, inwardly groaning until he turned around and saw who it was. 

Callie’s face was white, but the anger in her eyes almost made him want to flinch. Instead, he just shook his head, starting to gather his stuff. “I’m not talking to you, Callie.” 

“Why not?! What did I do to you?” 

She followed him as he stood up and walked to the garbage cans, and he took a deep breath.“Nothing, but I know you want to talk about Blue, and I don’t know enough about what happened to--”

“Is she mad at me?” 

He glanced back at her in confusion, saw that the anger in her eyes has faded somewhat into sadness. “What?” he asked, and she repeated herself, but his mind was whirling. “I thought you guys broke it off.” 

“No!” her eyes flew wide, and she shook her head violently. “We had an argument, we both… we said things we regretted, but it was just a fight! Did she tell you we broke up?! She won’t talk to me, she won’t text me back, she... oh mt god, she wasn’t wearing her ring last time I saw her in the hall--”

She was still talking, but Razz’s heart was pounding. All he could hear was the blood rushing through his head, a strange combination of anger and sadness making his breathing come short. “I’m sorry, I need to go,” he said abruptly, cutting her off and starting to walk quickly in the direction of the doors. 

“Please,” she caught his arm, and he felt his anger well up again as he caught sight of the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Before all this had happened, he’d  _ liked  _ Callie. She’d seemed to be good to Blue, gave her compliments and respected her boundaries, but he’d thought-- “Please, Razz, I just want to talk to her. I won’t put you in the middle of all this, but can you just tell her I want to talk to her?” 

He tugged away, glanced up at the door and saw Timothy standing there, watching him in confusion. Then, sure enough, Blue appeared at his side, saying something animatedly to the other. Timothy gestured at him, and Blue smiled, looking up. Then her face immediately fell, and he was sure she’d seen who he was talking to. Razz blinked, hard. “She’s right fucking there, Callie,” he said, throwing a hand in Blue’s direction before storming off. 

As he got to the door, Blue opened her mouth, but he didn’t even look at her, just grabbing Timothy’s arm and dragging him along. 

“Whoa, Razz, aren’t we--”

“Zip it,” he said, glancing over his shoulder before he could stop himself. Blue was looking after them, and the look on her face burned itself into his mind. 

~~

“Razz.” 

He blinked back tears that had formed in his eyes as soon as he heard the front door open, studiously ignoring her and directing his whole focus to his assignment. The clack of keys being set on the counter were followed by soft footsteps rounding the couch, and he saw her sit heavily beside him. “Razz, please. You’ve been avoiding me all day, and I don’t know why. Did… did I do something wr--”

“You promised I wasn’t a fucking homewrecker, Blue! You promised you weren’t cheating!” He looked up, the tears starting to well up for real and fall down his face. She looked drawn, and her eyes were red, like she’d been crying too. 

“I’m not,” she said defensively, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d think she looked surprised by the accusation. 

“Then why was Callie so confused when I told her that her engagement was over?! Having a fight isn’t a good reason to sleep the fuck around!” 

She was quiet for a long moment, mouth opening and closing for a second before she said, in a tone that almost sounded like a question, “But I gave her back her ring today?” 

“Today?!” the exclamation burst out of him in a yell, and she flinched back. “We’ve been sleeping together for weeks! Fucking  _ today _ ?! ” 

“No, Razz, she knew. She must have been in denial, we were...it wasn’t just… some fight.”

“I thought you were better than this!”

She leaned away from him, starting to cry, but pushing the tears away with her hand. “What?” 

“You’re just gonna fucking use me?” He probably should have felt bad, the look on her face wrenching something in his heart, but he was so angry it felt like his head was going to explode. “To get back at your fucking ex?! Are you kidding me?! I didn’t think you were even that kind of person, let alone that you would do that to… to  _ me  _ .” The last word came out broken, and he couldn’t quite hold back the sob that ripped through his chest. She opened her mouth, but he shook his head, slamming his laptop closed and starting to stand. Before he could move, she latched onto his arm, keeping him in place.

“I’m _not_. I promise, please. Let me explain.” He clenched his teeth, tried not to let it hurt so much. He refused to look at her, but stayed silent, waiting. And waiting. Finally, he glanced at her in disgust. She was still crying, but she was looking away from him, shoulders shaking until finally, he shook her off. Couldn’t even come up with a good lie, fucking Jesus Christ. She stayed in her seat as he stood this time, and he rounded the couch, not wanting to see the expression on her face. 

“She hit me.” He froze, clutching his laptop to his chest, processing what she had said even as she kept going. “I… I hadn’t officially said, like... 'we're done', I guess. I'm sorry for that, but Razz, it was over when I said it was. She fucking… actually _hurt_ me.” Even as she said it, it sounded like she still couldn’t believe it. 

“Is that--”

“Yes, Razz, the fucking bruise. There you go, that’s what did it, okay? She knew we were done.” 

He pulled in his anger, took a deep breath and set his computer down on the table, then turned and took back his seat on the couch. “What happened, Blue? Fuck the deal. If I'm going to be able to trust you, you're going to need to tell me.” 

Suddenly, she was laughing, and he jumped in surprise. When he looked at her, though, there was no humor in her face, and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye before she said, “She accused me of sleeping with you.” 

“So, what, you just decided you might as well?” 

“No, Razz, she… she wasn’t completely out of line.” He stared at her in confusion until she continued. “We’ve always been in relationships, one or the other of us. Sleeping with you has always been out of the question, but if I’d gotten the chance, in the past few years…” 

“What?” 

“It… it doesn’t matter. She knew I was attracted to you, she accused me of something I didn’t do, called me a  _ whore  _ \--,” she huffed at that. “I told her she was fucking awful, that I didn’t want to be with someone so jealous and controlling, and she just… grabbed one of the kitchen chairs. I don’t even think she really meant to, or at least not… I don’t know if it was supposed to hit me or the wall or the floor or what, but it did. It hit me. And I fell, and she just… I might have even been able to talk to her, see if it really was an accident, but she  _ blamed  _ me. She fucking looked me in the eyes and told me it was my fault, for lying to her, for… cheating. I hadn’t even  _ done  _ it.” She broke off, absolutely refusing to look at him as he watched her in growing horror. 

“She... she'd done stupid shit before, smacked a little too hard or made me wonder if she... I'm fucking stupid, I should have seen the signs, but she'd never _blamed_ me. It'd always been an accident or she didn't realize she'd hurt me or some fucking excuse or another, but it never felt like she was trying to make me _hurt_ , and then suddenly it did. I told her to fuck off, and I just left,” she continued, wiping carefully at her eyes. “I got home, and you’re just such a good guy, Razz, I knew you had that paper to do, but you sat with me anyway, made sure I was alright… I just thought, maybe she  _ should  _ be right. And I’ve just lo--” choking herself off, she glanced up at him, seeming to take in his expression with some fear. 

He wasn’t sure what his face was telling her, because he had no idea what he felt. Some pity, which he was sure she hated. “I’m still angry. I’m sorry that that happened, but Blue, you still--” 

“It would only be cheating if I was still with her, right?” she asked desperately. “I wasn’t. I wasn’t going to stay with someone who’d done that to me. Saying the words is one thing, but how could she not know? It's been weeks. I didn't even know she was still trying to talk to me, I've been trying to get her ring back to her. I thought she was mad, too. I didn't want to push it, in case she...you know me, Razz, you know that I wouldn’t do that. Whether or not I’d slept with you, it was over. I… I’m not a victim.” 

“No,” he said, sighing and leaning back into the couch. “You’re not.” For a long moment, he just let his mind rush, still unsure about where he stood, what he thought. But he did know one thing. 

“Are we okay?” she asked, and he nodded. 

“Friends, yes. Absolutely. I get it, Blue. I see where you’re coming from, and I don’t think I’m angry. I just… the sex, I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s good for you, or for either of us.” 

She looked away again, swallowed. “I want it. I want to be with you. Sex on its own is one thing, but you're my friend. I feel safe, like I have nothing to be afraid of and that I'm not damaged or whatever my brain is fucking telling me I am. It doesn’t feel unhealthy, it feels like it’s helping. Just to have someone to be with, to not feel so lost."

"Are you worried you're depending too much on someone who isn't perfect?" he asked carefully. "Like if you lost it, you wouldn't have anything else?"

Snorting, Blue shook her head. "You don't need to psychoanalyze me. I know what unhealthy sex feels like, and it’s certainly not this. I've never regretted it.” 

“Could you still be friends, if I said no?” 

“Yes.” There was no doubt in her answer, and he sagged in relief. 

“I’m going to need to think about it, Blue. Can you give me time?” 

This time, she hesitated, and he saw regret flash through her eyes. “Yeah, Razz. I can give you whatever you need.”


	7. the least realistic chapter tbh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idek how this chapter would work in real life but we're fuckin rollin with it aight, i just wanted them to be in love

Razz bounced a leg where it was crossed over the other, grabbing the remote and muting his show as he picked up his phone. He’d been supposed to go out with Timothy that night, hit up some of their friends that lived in the dorms, but he’d gotten a text about an hour ago telling him that the other had a paper to finish, and wouldn’t be able to make it. He was lying, of course, probably had gotten too high to drive or was hooking up with someone he knew Razz wouldn't approve of, but Razz didn’t really mind. 

He’d been doing a lot of thinking that past couple of days. Despite her promise, Blue had barely talked to him, just nodding and smiling in the hallway, grabbing a bite from the kitchen before she headed out for the day. It was killing him, and he was coming to the slow realization that maybe… well, he missed her. He missed her a lot. 

It was nice to have the evening to himself, but he was trying to patiently wait for Blue to get back from wherever she’d gone. He really wanted to talk to her. 

Almost as if she’d been summoned by the thought of her name, he heard her laughter echoing down the hallway. He turned around on the couch, smiling despite himself, and the door burst open, emitting Blue, and… not Blue. 

He didn’t recognize the guy, and he was pretty sure he’d remember someone that looked like  _ that  _ . A little under six feet tall, stubble at his chin, blue eyes burning into Blue’s as they stumbled back through the door. Another round of her laughter filled the room as she hooked a finger into his belt, tugging him into the apartment and reaching up to grab the collar of his shirt, quickly taking control of the kiss he pressed to her mouth. Razz couldn’t seem to get himself to move as the other scooped her up, her legs wrapping around his body as she moaned into his mouth. 

Razz hadn’t known his chest could ache like that. 

Before things could go further, he loudly cleared his throat, and Blue jumped in shock, head spinning to face him with her mouth hanging open. The trail of spit between her mouth and the guy’s broke, and suddenly, he couldn’t look at her. 

“Razz!” she said, and the guy set her down, looking between them. 

“You… sorry, man, she didn’t say she had a--” 

“Roommate. Just roommates,” he interrupted, not wanting to hear the rest of that sentence. “My plans got canceled, but I can give you guys some privacy. Just figured you’d wanna know I was here before you, uh…” he forced a snicker.

“No!” They both looked at Blue in surprise, but Razz couldn’t hold her eyes. “I mean… heh. I… I have your number." she turned to the guy. "Could I call you later? I don’t wanna sexile him.” 

“Blue--” Razz could practically feel the tears welling up behind his eyes, didn’t really want to be here anyway, but she waved him off, giving the stranger a pleading sort of look. He shook his head with a grin. 

“Sure, babe,” he started to lean in, and Razz looked away before he could see the kiss. “Call me anytime. Worth the wait.”

He left, and Razz turned around on the couch, looking down at his lap and slowly getting control of the urge to cry. It would be shitty to leave now that he'd ruined her evening, and this was his own fault. She was a grown-ass woman, used to getting laid easily and regularly, and he certainly had no grounds to be mad at her for doing what she wanted. 

“You really didn’t have to--”

“We’re not monogamous--”

They spoke at the same time, and Razz latched his hands together. “Sorry. Tim cancelled on me. And I...I know. I know that.” Then, because apparently he was a masochist, “Are you, uh. Does this happen a lot when I’m gone?”

“No. Fuck, Razz, I… you were supposed to be gone. I didn’t want to have to explain myself.” She sounded frustrated, with herself, with him, with the situation, he had no idea. 

“You got horny, Blue, you don’t have to explain that.” He forced a laugh. Still out of his sight, she was silent for a moment. 

“I thought you would have been mad.”

“What, you think I’m not upset?!” It burst out of him before he could stop it, and he sighed, burying his face in his hands and rubbing his face. “Don’t be… Of course I am. Not with you, I just... I know I have no right, but I don’t really like the idea of you running to strangers when I ask for time! You're right, we're not monogomous, but it feels like you're--It’s not like I don’t like being the one you--” he scoffed at himself, almost disgusted with his own emotions and unable to put words to this feeling. It wasn't jealousy. Razz had never been the jealous type, especially when it came to sex. But it felt like she was trying to manipulate him. The cushion moved beside him, and he glanced up. She was just looking at him, expression indecipherable. 

“You know I would rather be running to you. I would be if you would let me.” 

“Why, if you can bring home someone that looks like--”

“Oh, don't even try that bullshit, you know I'm not--"

"You're not so unaffected as you like to pretend!"

"Razz, I trust you. That's what I care about.” 

“It feels like you're trying to make me feel bad! ”

“I'm not!” She sounded almost desperate, and he sat up, glaring down at his lap as she continued. “I want to give you time, and I want to be friends! I didn't even know you were gonna be home, I waited for when you wouldn't be so that I wouldn't fucking... _hurt_ you! I didn't want to mess with your feelings or make you feel manipulated, that was the whole point! You’re the most important person in my life, Razz, and I keep hurting you, and I don’t know how to fix--” her voice broke, but she huffed as tears started to form in her eyes. 

His shoulders dropped, what little anger he'd mustered dropping away and guilt cropping up in its place. "I'm sorry I ruined it." Realizing how petty that sounded, be backtracked. "I think I'm just... I'd been waiting so that I could talk to you. Imagine waiting all afternoon to tell someone you're ready again and then _that_ walks through the door." 

She hesitated before she made eye contact, and almost immediately dropped it. “Razz, take the time you need. Don’t think I won’t still be here when you make a decision, and either way, we’re still friends!” 

Shaking his head, he protested, “Really, I'd already made the decision. And I'm still okay with it. I keep thinking I need time, but honestly, I think I just need you." he glanced down at his hands, avoiding her doubt. "This is over if either of us finds someone else. We're just friends with benefits, but I can't deny that I like being with you, and don't want to waste time, you know? We'll still be friends, of course we will, but there's something different about what we have right now.  I’ve been thinking about this like crazy, Blue, and you piss me off sometimes, and you’re stubborn and a little bit of a control freak, but you probably won’t be able to have this type of relationship with me anymore by the time I sort my shit out and come to the same conclusion anyway that I'm coming to now. I’ve been wrestling with an impossible decision, who was right and wrong and if I care that you lied or if it was even a lie, and I keep realizing that I don’t fucking think I care!”

“Don’t… don’t rush into this. I didn’t bring him home to change your mind, or make you feel--”

“I know.”

“Razz--”

“I believe you. That much I know, that I believe you when you say it was over. What I’ve been trying to figure out is if the details matter enough to lose you. I don’t think--.” 

“Jesus Christ, stop interrupting me!” 

He skidded to a stop, staring at her in confusion. She was angry, which he hadn’t expected, confused, which he kind of had. “I… thought this is what you wanted.”

“Fuck, Razz, of course it is! I want it so badly I can’t just take what you’re saying at face value! You haven’t even been talking to me, and now you just want to jump back in the sack? You see me ready to fuck some other dude and you just want to be all over me again? You’re not my boyfriend!” 

Time went still, just for a moment, and he pulled back. “I know that.” 

“Then start fucking thinking about it like it’s just sex!” With that, she stood up, shaking off his hand and practically running to the doorway that led to their rooms. He could have sworn he saw her pushing away tears as she left, then her door slammed, and he flinched. 

It felt like he’d fucked up, and he still didn’t entirely understand how. He thought she’d been okay with giving him time, and he thought he’d made it clear he didn’t want to own her. Razz had never been someone who was possessive, and she knew that. They'd had far too many late-night discussions about feminism and relationships for her to possibly think that he was even fully monogamous in a committed romance.

God, he just didn’t want to lose her. 

Standing up, he made his way to her room, knocking gently on the door. “Blue.” 

There was no reply for a long moment, and he leaned against it, placing his forehead against the cool wood. “Can I please come in?” 

“Whatever.” 

Breathing a sigh of relief, he inched the door open, stepping through and shutting it quietly behind him. Blue was curled up on top of her blankets, shoes kicked off into a corner. Her shoulders were shaking, and he sighed. He’d been making her cry an awful lot lately. Crossing the room, he sat on the edge of the mattress, hesitating before reaching out, settling a hand on her arm. He hesitated. "Can I hold you?" 

She didn't respond for a long moment, then he saw her nod.  He slowly laid down beside her, wrapping his arm around her with plenty of time for her to push him away or tell him to stop. She didn’t stop him, and he just held her for a long moment. 

"Are you okay?"

“I’m tired of feeling used, Razz.” 

He didn’t say anything, just tightening his hold incrementally. 

“I'm tired of... getting hurt by people who think I'm easy to use. I'm too fucking small, and I seem easy, and they just... I-I’m not a whore, and I’m not a victim. I don’t  _ need  _ sex, I just want it, and I-I… I don’t want to keep getting taken advantage of. It felt like you were the only person who'd never done that. Who never would.” 

"I don't want to," was all he could think to say. He hadn't thought he was doing it at all.

"No one does," she said. They were both quiet, then she sighed, and he felt her link their fingers together. "I think I'm projecting. You're a really good guy, Razz, and I mean a _really_ good one. You're just... so nice. I've never had someone follow me when I stormed off to see if I was okay. I don't understand how we ever got to be friends. You know how much of a mess _I_ am, right?" 

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “But a hell of a lot less of a mess than you used to be. Everyone has to work on themselves, and it doesn't make them less valuable in the meantime. I've never tried to use you, Blue, and I'm sorry if it feels like I have. You're a person, and an incredible one.”

She didn’t respond, and he pressed his forehead to the back of her neck. “What were the rules, Blue? We stay friends. Things don’t get complicated. We don’t kiss, we don’t get jealous.”

“We don’t talk about our feelings,” she said wryly. “Or cuddle. Or talk about what happened to me. Rules are made to be broken, it seems.” 

He laughed quietly. “I like this. I like being close to you, and I never stopped liking the sex. The only thing I didn’t like was the lies, and you’re more important to me than the semantics of ending a relationship with someone who hurt you the way she did.” 

“If Timothy could hear you now,” she snickered, but he could hear the edge of tears still in her voice. 

He snickered, carefully kissed her below the ear. “I promise, Blue. This isn’t me being petty or rash. I just don’t want to lose you.” 

“We really could just stay friends. I know these last few days have been rough, but we could.” 

“And expect me to keep my hands off you?” he joked. 

She rolled over, curling into his arms. “New rule,” she murmured against his chest. “No more lies.” 

Smiling widely, he ran his fingers through her hair, marveled at how perfectly she fit against him. “I can do that.” 


	8. Tazz4Lyfe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In another world with another set of characters razz and timothy would make a great couple and the drama of blue having been lying about everything the whole time would be immaculate. I guess you guys are stuck with this though because I just.... cannot write them not with each other lmao.

Timothy’s bedroom was about what you’d expect if you’d ever met him. All rainbows and records and heels tangled into fishnet shirts. The living room, however, was an entirely different story. He shared it with a friend from high school, Anthony, and his girlfriend, Allison. The three of them didn’t have a ton in common. One thing, in fact, and that was their home state. They were all good people, but walking into their living room was like walking into a Texas-themed bar in a tourist trap. 

Razz leaned back in his chair, all leather and wooden accents, and sipped carefully at his drink. Timothy had called, asking if he could make up for canceling the week before by inviting him over tonight. “Bring Blue,” he’d said, so bring Blue, Razz had done. 

She was sitting on the floor by the couch with Allison, watching amusedly as the other elaborated on some mistake Anthony had made. 

“What?! He just--” Blue made a motion with her fingers that made Anthony groan in embarrassment. 

“I did not!” 

Allison gave Blue a knowing look, and they both burst out laughing. Timothy leaned over, murmuring jokingly, “Ugh. Women.” 

Razz looked at him in disgust, chugging down the rest of his drink and making a face as it hit the back of his throat. Setting the cup on the table, he slid down to join the others on the floor, hearing Timothy do the same. Blue grinned at him, then returned to her conversation. 

Still trying to defend himself, Anthony was holding out his index and middle fingers, speaking animatedly as he waved them through the air. “I  _ asked  _ you, it’s your own fault if you lie and tell me it feels good!” 

“Anthony, honey, how could you possibly think that would feel good?” 

“You made  _ noise _ ! ” 

Looking him straight in the face, Allison, let out a long, breathy, fake moan, backlit by Blue’s giggling. Razz shot her a doubtful look, then shook his head. He was pretty sure he had an advantage over Anthony. Right as he decided that, she glanced at him knowingly, and he scoffed. She was messing with him. She had to be, if for no other reason than she seemed to have no problem correcting him in the moment.

Anthony glanced after her, looking at he and Timothy just as the latter said, “I’m pretty sure even I could find a g-spot, man, and I’ve never seen a boob in my life.” 

“Tim, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not where the g-spot is?” Blue said doubtfully.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake--” 

“He’s a bottom, Blue,” Allison said, nudging her in the side. “He might just be the only guy in the room who could find it.” 

“Razz can.” Everyone in the room looked at her, and she faltered, glancing at Razz and stuttering. “I mean--” 

“They know I’m trans,” he said quickly, reaching back and grabbing his cup and the whole bottle of vodka. 

“Oh!” she seized the out he was giving her, laughing faintly. “Then, yeah, like… same equipment."

“I’m not a bottom!” Timothy interrupted, breaking up the awkwardness of the moment and making them all snort. “Don’t laugh, I don’t have that vibe, do I?!” 

“Power bottom,” Anthony murmured into his cup.

“You know what, I don’t care if you guys don’t believe me,” Timothy declared, though Razz very much doubted it. “I’m a top, I know that, all ya’ll’s husbands know that, some of ya’ll’s wives know that--” 

“No one in this room is married.” 

“Not the point!” He waved one hand dismissively. “I know what I’m about!” 

“Timothy, in the kindest possible way, you have a face for sucking dick,” Blue said, and Timothy pursed his lips. 

“I’ll call that the only exception. But you can still be a top while going down on someone. You have all the control over that person.” 

Blue scoffed, then made a face, seeming to consider the idea. “I dunno, dude. Like… I get where you’re coming from, especially when your partner has a dick, they just--” she made a face that had Timothy and Anthony talking over each other to try and defend themselves. 

Allison snorted, making a slightly different face than Blue’s, accompanied by shakily throwing one hand between her legs, and Anthony actually gasped. “I do not look like that!” 

She adjusted the face slightly, and Blue snickered, smacking her on the arm. “Quit torturing the man.”

“Okay, question for you all. Best sex you’ve ever had, go,” Timothy said. 

“I’ve never had sex,” Razz said, and Timothy smacked him without looking. 

“Oh, there was this one time,” Allison started, her face breaking out into a genuine smile. “When we were in Paris? We had this beautiful hotel, it looked over the river, and there was no one that could see us, so we left the window open, and we just had the stars shining, and we just… well, no gory details. It was just really romantic, and let’s just call it well-executed.” 

She leaned over to touch Anthony’s shoulder, and they all noticed the guilty expression on his face at the same time. Quickly, he nodded. “That’s mine, too.” 

Before Allison could say anything, Razz leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and stating, “This doesn’t seem like a good idea.” 

“I don't think anyone could beat our showerhead," Blue commented, glancing at Allison. "Fantastic water pressure." 

"Ohhhhh..." 

“You guys wanna play truth or dare?” Blue asked, grinning.

“Sure!” Anthony said, scooting a little closer to Razz so that they all made a circle. “Can I go first? Allison, truth or dare?” 

She blinked, then shook her head in amusement. “Dare.” 

Blue started taking a long swig of her drink, then immediately choked on it as Anthony said, “I dare you to let Blue touch your boobs.” 

Considering that, Allison crossed her legs. “Under or over the shirt?” 

“Under the bra.” 

Despite himself, Razz joined in on Anthony’s snickering as Timothy rolled his eyes. “What the fuck is wrong with you two?” 

Shrugging lightly, Blue leaned back against the couch. “I’m down.” 

“Of course you are, you’re a lesbian.” 

“ _ Bisexual _ ,” she protested.

Allison grinned, reaching under her shirt and unhooking her bra. “Reclip me when you’re done?” 

Blue grinned, setting her cup aside and hiking up Allison’s shirt, working her hands under at the same moment she shifted to one side, completely blocking Anthony’s view of what was going on. 

“Hey!” he protested, but Blue just snorted. 

“Should’ve included yourself in the dare if you wanted to watch,” she said, and Allison laughed, then batted her hands away. 

"Alright, alright, they're not that nice." 

"To be fair, they're boobs," Razz said, and everyone laughed. True to her word, Blue helped her put the bra back on, and Allison leaned to face Timothy. 

“Truth or Dare?”

He pretended to think for a moment. “Dare.” 

“Dare you to…” she thought for a moment, then glanced at Razz. “Heh. Take off Razz’s shirt. With your mouth.” 

Timothy squinted, then looked at Razz. “I’m all for it, but...how?” 

“Maybe from the back?” Razz questioned, looking over his shoulder. 

“This seems… ill-thought-out.” 

Allison sighed, and threw up her hands. “Fine, use your hands.”

Chuckling confidently, Razz set his drink aside and put his arms over his head, draping them back a little in a way he knew accented his arms. “This is a five thousand dollar chest, people. Get ready to fork over your tickets to the gun show.” 

“The what, now?” Blue asked, looking doubtful. 

Snorting, Timothy crawled behind him, fingers lingering a little at his waist before he tugged his shirt up over his torso, leaving it covering his face for a moment as he untangled it from under his chin. It took him a second because they were both laughing, but he finally managed to complete the dare. Razz snorted as the shirt was finally removed, and held his hand out. Timothy slapped the cloth into his hand, and Razz grabbed him behind the head, smacking a kiss to his cheek before tying the shirt around his own head. He picked back up his glass, grinning at the rest of the room. 

“Gnarly scars, dude,” Anthony said, and Razz lifted his drink in acknowledgement. 

"They're designer." 

“Truth or dare, man?” Timothy asked, settling back into his spot and grinning at Razz. 

“Truth,” he said, then took a gulp. 

“Coward. What’s your body count?” 

Razz hummed, then held up a hand, pretending to count on his fingers until Blue snorted, reaching across the circle to smack him. “How hard is it to count to three?” 

“Hey!” 

Before he could say anything else, Timothy spoke up, sounding shocked. “I thought you’d only had two girlfriends since you came to college?” 

“Yeah?” Razz was confused for a moment, then realized what he meant, “Oh! Yeah, I uh… I don’t know what to tell you, man. I get around.” 

“I don’t know if that counts as getting around, Razz.” Allison snickered, but Timothy still looked genuinely surprised that Razz would sleep with someone he wasn’t in a relationship with. Allison continued, gesturing for someone to pass her the bottle. “Do you usually wait for marriage?” 

“No, I--” 

“Our little boy’s all grown up!” Timothy cried, clapping him on the shoulder. “I’m guessing Savannah and Bryn make two, but who’s the third?!”

"First of all, I didn't even sleep with Savannah, and second, none of your business!" 

"So you've had _two_ one-night-stands?!" 

Razz stammered, then glanced up, catching Blue looking at him with fondness in her eyes. Seeming to catch herself, she straightened, raising a brow at Timothy. “If we’re shaming people for their sexual habits, why don’t we talk about  _ your  _ body count?”

“Oh, I don’t fuckin’ know what that is,” he laughed. “Over 50, at least.” 

Everyone stared at him for a long moment, then Anthony sipped loudly at his drink. 

Timothy snorted. “What? I can get it. I’m--,” he made air quotes with the fingers of his free hand, “--  _ exotic _ .”

Razz, the only other person of color in the room, snorted loudly, but the others seemed a little unsure if they could laugh or not. 

More than a little used to the race jokes from living with Razz for so long, Blue broke the silence first. “Alright, so who’s next?” 

“Blue, truth or dare?” Allison asked. 

“Dare.” 

Timothy laughed. “You just don’t want us to know how many people you’ve slept with.” 

“Eighteen. Move on, man.” 

“Al, you should dare her to make it nineteen,” he shot out. 

“Sure,” Blue said, “Who’s meeting me in his room?” 

Almost automatically, Razz winked, grinning broadly as she gave him a look of disbelief. Allison looked between them, then shrugged. “Dare you to kiss Razz.” 

“What?!”

“With tongue, for a full minute.” 

“Give me a truth.” 

Laughing nervously, Razz leaned back into the chair. He was feeling a bit risky, so he grinned. “C’mon, Blue, I’m actually a pretty good kisser. I’ve got references.” 

She gave him a scandalized look. “We have to live together after this, and we have to do it sober.” 

Timothy raised his hand. 

Razz pointed at him. “Yes, you, in the back?” 

“Can she phone a friend to do the dare for her?”

“No,” Allison said. 

Laughter burst from Razz’s mouth. Blue shook her head, then, with a determined look in her eyes, scooted across the circle. As she grabbed him by the jaw, he went silent, the position familiar in a way that had his heart suddenly pounding. “Start a timer, dickheads,” she called back, then connected them in a harsh kiss. 

Fumbling, he set his glass aside, hands going to her waist to pull her closer. He sighed, letting her tongue slip into his mouth and feeling her free hand run down to his bare chest. It felt like she was all over him. He could feel her, hear her breaths as she seemed to make it her mission to find out what the back of his throat tasted like. He’d kissed her neck, her hands, her thighs, everywhere but her lips, and he’d started to convince himself there was no real difference. Apparently, he was wrong. Starting to pull back to catch his breath, he found himself trapped by her grip. He let out a soft whine, starting to press back, then someone said, “That’s a minute.” 

Blue smiled against his mouth, catching his bottom lip in her teeth before giving him a final chaste peck. Then she sat back, returning to her original spot, and Razz did his best to catch his breath. 

“I think you killed him,” Allison joked, and privately, Razz thought she might be right. 

He heard Blue laugh, and looked up to see her smiling at him smugly. Doing his best to smile back, he gave up with a groan, letting his head fall back against the front of the chair. 

“Anthony, truth or dare?” Blue asked, and all Razz could do was shake his head in bemusement. 

~~~

Pushing the front door open, Razz started to toss his keys on the counter before spotting a messy blue bun sticking over the back of the couch. He smiled, starting to open his mouth before the sound of buzzing reached him. Confused, he listened for a second, slowly realizing what was going on as her breath caught, and he saw her hand come up to hold on to the back of the couch. 

Well. He thought he was probably supposed to be mad that she was doing this in the middle of the living room. People sat on that couch, and he could have brought someone home with him unexpectedly, or any number of things. If he was being honest, though, his brain had stopped being at full functionality from the moment he had walked through the front door. 

She had headphones in, which explained why she jumped about a foot in the air when he put a hand on her shoulder. Eyes flying open, they made eye contact, and he just smirked. She’d pulled the vibrator away when he touched her, but slowly pushed it back against her clit with a shiver as she used her free hand to pull out her headphones. Eyebrows raising, he leaned against the back of the couch, leaning forward and admiring the view. “You need any help?” 

“You seem to be enjoying yourself just fine from there,” she snarked, but her voice was breathless, catching as the toy made circles into her. 

“Mmm. It is a good view.” He glanced over at her phone, laying haphazardly with her headphones, the screen black. “Were you watching porn or something?” 

“Bet you’d like to hear about that. Nah, ju-ust listening to music. You h-heard La La Land?” 

He snorted, pressing his lips to the side of her neck and feeling her fingers comb roughly through his hair. “The musical?” 

Laughing sharply, she let go of him, and he grinned. “No, the song, it’s by Bryyaaaoh,  _ fuck  _ !” 

Razz stood up straight as she threw her head back, hips lifting off the couch. He wasn’t sure if she’d cum or just hit a particularly good spot, but either way, she didn’t stop her motions as he climbed over the back of the couch, unable to take his eyes off her as he slid to the floor. Sweat was making her shirt cling to the curves of her chest, and he could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra. Especially as she was arching forward like that. Momentarily, he wondered where she’d left her underwear.

She brought her other hand down as she relaxed, spreading herself open like she knew exactly what she was doing to him. Sitting back on his knees, he folded his hands against his legs, keeping them tightly down. Blue was absolutely fucking soaked , and something hidden in the back of his mind was glad to notice she’d put a towel down. Everything else, though, was entranced as she turned off the vibrator, running it up and down herself before dipping it inside. “What are you doing?” she asked, voice still catching. 

“Just watching.” 

Grinning at that, she dipped the toy again. As he watched, she moved her legs a little further apart, then pulled it out. A string of slick connected her to the plastic, and as it broke, her smile got a little wider. “No lube this time.” 

Immediately understanding, Razz leaned forward, keeping his hands in his lap but sticking out his tongue. She laughed, sitting up just enough to wipe the toy where he could taste it. Moaning softly, he stayed still, letting his eyes hood almost shut before glancing up to meet her gaze as the vibrator brushed the roof of his mouth. She had that look that always melted him into a puddle, ready to do whatever she wanted. 

When the toy was clean, she collapsed back against the couch, turning it back on and pressing it to her clit. “Swallow, Razz.” She tasted sweet, sharp, and he wanted to do it again as he obeyed. Without either of them saying so, his hands jumped to her knees, thumbs stroking over the skin as he waited to see if she would tell him to stop. 

She just laughed, then moaned, pitching up higher as her hips lifted again. “Y-you want to put your fingers in me?” 

Without a word, he lifted a hand, holding it up in a clear invitation. A little desperately, she grabbed his wrist, folding two of the fingers out of the way and pressing the others inside her. He let her take control for a moment, fucking herself like he was another toy. Then he pressed in deeper, and she let go. He curled his fingers up into a spot that had her crying out brokenly, grasping at her chest and squeezing her eyes shut. Her legs tensed, but he kept his free hand on her knee, holding it still as she hooked the other around him, her foot on his shoulder pulling him in a little closer. 

“R-razz--” He looked up just as she came, fluttering and clenching around his fingers. Watching her face, he felt his breath coming short, eyes widening. It wasn’t like it was the first time he’d seen her cum, far from it, but there was something about seeing her head fall back against the couch, gasping out his name like it was having his eyes on her that had sent her rocketing over the edge. 

After a few seconds, she pulled the vibrator away from her clit, breathing hard and hands trembling a little as she turned it down. Razz pulled his fingers out of her, slipping them quickly into his mouth before reaching out again to push her legs apart. She moaned appreciatively, touching herself gingerly with one finger before replacing it with the toy. Despite the lower setting, she whined, but kept it where it was, holding out her other hand. 

Taking it, Razz let her wrap his fingers around the vibrator, still watching silently as she let him have it, sitting up just enough to strip her shirt off over her head. Her skin was shining with sweat, and he groaned as she tossed the clothing into a corner of the living room, draping her arms over the back of the couch and grinding forward against his hand and the silicone. 

He couldn’t resist asking, “How many times have you--” 

“You’re about to make s-seven.”


	9. Definitely no romantic feelings here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one is in love with anyone else and everything is strictly casual and no i will not be accepting criticism on that statement.

Razz groaned, tossing his controller onto the couch and frowning at the TV. Stupid  _ fucking  _ creeper, blew up his  _ fucking  _ house-- 

His phone rang, and he jumped, fishing it out of his back pocket and putting it on speaker as he tried to get his character to jump out of the hole the monster had made. “Hel--?”

“I need your help but you are  _ not  _ allowed to make fun of me.” 

“...Okay.” Looking down at his phone, Razz saw a photo of Blue, flipping him off through the camera with a snapchat filter distorting her features into something almost goblin-like. She hated it, which was why he had immediately set it as her contact picture and kept it that way for the past six months. 

“I need you to come to--” she read off the address and name of a hotel he knew was a little ways downtown-- “and tell the front desk your name is Razz, and that you need your key, then come up to room 316.” 

“You’re gonna need to text me that shit, I’ve already forgotten all of it.” 

She huffed, and he could practically feel her annoyance through the phone. Looking back up at the TV, he jumped as he saw another creeper headed towards him. Quickly, he signed out of the file and stood. His phone went off, and he saw she’d texted him the address and room number. “Did you get it?” 

“Yeah,” he said, then paused in the motions of picking up his keys. “Am I allowed to ask--”

“No.” 

“You didn’t ever hear what I wanted to ask!” he complained. 

“I don’t care, it’s a no to all of it!” 

“Ugghhhhhhhh… fine. I’m on my way.” 

It was a pretty short drive, but parking was a nightmare, and it was a solid 45 minutes before he was walking through the hotel doors, glancing up at a surprisingly ornate staircase before proceeding to the receptionist. “Hey.” 

The woman at the front desk didn’t look a lot older than him, but her customer service smile made her look like she wanted to be five minutes from death. “Hello, sir, how can I help you?” 

“Uhh…” momentarily distracted by the painting of a badly drawn centaur behind her, he had to regain his train of thought. “My name is Razz? Aster? I was told to get my--” 

Immediately perking up, the woman grinned at him conspiratorially. “Right away, sir. I had thought you weren’t supposed to be here until later!” 

He blinked. “I didn’t know I was supposed to be here at all.” 

“Well, either way--” the card finished printing, and she handed it over the counter with a small flourish. “316. Happy anniversary.” 

Even more confused than he’d been before, he turned around, going to the elevator he could see across the lobby. He hoped they weren’t mistaking him for someone else, but he was pretty sure that was the same room number Blue had given him. Pulling out his phone as the elevator started to rise, he double-checked. 

This was a pretty fancy hotel, he thought to himself as the doors opened. The doors were even pretty. He had a sudden spark of fear, wondering if she was here with someone else. No, but the receptionist had said his name. Was he supposed to join? He wasn't sure how he felt about that. The receptionist had said "anniversary", though, were they celebrating anniversaries? It'd only been a few months, and--

Forcing himself to stop spiraling, he slipped the card into the slot, pushing the door open and peeking through. The room was dark, and he reached for the light switch as he closed the door behind him. “Blue?” 

The lights came on, and he came to a complete stop, brain short-circuiting. Blue was sitting back against the pillows, legs crossed and expression one of borderline hatred. When she saw him, the anger disappeared as she smiled wryly, and tugged at the handcuff that was holding one hand to the headboard. “So I’m a dumbass. The key’s on the dresser, could you help me out, please? There wasn't really anyone else I could ask, and I _really_ don't like being trapped while I'm dressed like that.”

“Uh..I’m. t-- uh… Huh?” His eyes trailed along her body, taking in the black stockings, held up by a lace garter belt. Straps criss-crossed her waist, and lace hugged her breasts, and… jesus christ, was she even wearing-- 

“Razz!”

He jumped, looking up guiltily, and she frowned at him. Starting to laugh, he asked, “Is it my anniversary?” 

“Shut up, she put me on the spot about who you were so I said you were my husband. Can you let me out?” She crossed her legs a little tighter, snapping the fingers of her free hand to get his attention. “Hey, Johnny Bravo, quit looking me up and down like you want to eat me.” 

“Husband, huh?” He grabbed the key, held it just out of her reach as he reached for one of her legs. “I’ve jumped a few ranks, but I don’t see a ring on this--.” 

She kicked him in the knee, and he yelped, deciding to just hand her the key and live to see another day. Huffing, she unlocked herself, then the bed, then threw the cuffs on the floor in annoyance. “I’m such a fucking dumbass. Sorry, this was supposed to be a surprise.” 

“Why?” he asked, snorting. “What, for me?” 

“Yeah.” 

He sat gently on the bed, reached for her leg again. “This is kind of a lot.” This time, she didn’t protest as he traced his fingers over her skin, still marveling at the outfit. She looked like… like she wasn’t even  _ real  _ , she was so hot. Of course he’d already known she had a great body, but just, the outfit, the makeup, he was pretty sure she’d even curled her hair. It looked soft, brushing down against her smooth shoulders. The stockings were pressing a soft indent into her skin, and he suddenly got a very strong urge to put his mouth right where the hem sat. “I could leave the room, pretend to be surprised when I come back in?” 

She leaned into his side. “That’s no fun.” 

“We could make it fun! But I didn’t bring my--” 

“It’s in the nightstand drawer.” 

Laughing, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, placing a kiss on the side of her head before he could think better of it, then pausing. “You smell nice. What is that?” 

“Expensive.” The response was humorous, but she sounded like she was trying not to cry. He pulled back in surprise, trying to see her face, but she kept looking away. 

“Blue, if you’re embarrassed, you don’t have to be.” 

“No, you’re right, this was… this was so stupid. Like, I’m a dumbass for locking myself to the bed, but what the fuck was I thinking? What, a hotel?! Fucking perfume?” 

He tightened his hold on her. “It’s nice, Blue. I don’t really understand it, but I’m certainly not complaining. You’re beautiful in your own bed, and you know I’d be down to fuck you even if you were wearing a potato sack, but, hey…” 

Sniffling, she shook her head, and he realized with no small amount of shock that she was actually crying. “I was just worried you were... getting bored of me?” 

Not knowing how to even begin to process that, he just snorted. “Of  _ you  _ ?! Are you kidding?” 

“No.” She groaned, propping her elbows on her knees and still refusing to look at him. “It gets old eventually, I know that. Sex gets old. I’m nothing special, so I just thought--”

“ _ Bailey _ !” She jumped, looking at him in utter confusion at the use of her real name. The tears tracking down her face made his chest ache, and he wondered if he’d done something to make her feel inadequate. He really fucking hoped not. “You are the most attractive human being I have ever met.  Do you realize how lucky I am to sleep with you? To walk into the next room and have someone that not only looks like  _ this  _ , but seems to think I can even remotely stand up to her? That fact you’re even willing to give me a chance still floors me, and you think I’m gonna get  _ bored  _ ?” 

“Razz, I--” 

“Not to mention, you mean a little more to me than the sex, Blue!” He reached out, swiping a tear off her chin with his thumb, leaving his hand to cup her chin. “You’re my best friend. You make me laugh, and you confuse the hell out of me, but I look up to you just as much as I’m willing to pull you up when you’re down! Bored of you? You think I could get bored of the fucking sun? You’re a damn wildfire, and even when we’re old and gray and you’re married to somebody who treats you like a queen, I wouldn’t be bored of you, because I’d be damn well blessed to watch it happen!” She was staring at him with wide eyes, and he saw her bottom lip tremble. Before he could tell himself what a bad idea it was, he leaned in, pressing a kiss there, pulling away before she could. “I don’t need lingerie and handcuffs for you to be the most interesting thing about my life.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time, closing her eyes and pressing her cheek into his hand. “Ah, Razz. The fact that you think you’re the lucky one…” shaking her head, she sat up straight, blinking away her tears and glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. “Did I mess up my mascara?” 

Grinning, he let go of her face, leaning forward for an inspection. “Nah. You look perfect.” 

Seemingly despite herself, she smiled, then pulled away, leaning down to pick up the handcuffs. “These were supposed to be for you,” she said sadly, looking over the red leather. 

Without a word, he smirked, holding out his wrists. She snorted, waving a hand at him. “Alright. Give me a second. Go get some ice or something, I’ll be ready when you get back.”

“You sure?” he asked gently. 

She nodded, and when she looked up, her eyes were back to being full of fire. “Don’t worry about acting surprised when you come in. I don’t think you’ll have to act.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Cut it out. Don’t forget your key.” 

~~

Blue’s soft breaths brushed across Razz’s chest, hair settled against his neck and one arm around his midriff. He smiled as he watched her, fingers tracing her spine. Up, then down, from her neck to the small of her back. She was soft, skin making a whisper as he brushed against it. Beautiful, he thought. She had a freckle on one shoulder, and he paused to touch it softly. One here, then three on her chest, one he could see on the arm that was holding on to him. No, two. 

Nuzzling against him, she exhaled harshly, settling down as he went back to his soothing rhythm. The longer this went on, the less he could imagine not doing it. It hurt. Just… the idea of never feeling her skin against his again, of never being able to kiss her on the cheek and see the way she scrunched her nose as she called him a dork. He'd like to think they'd still be friends, that he could come home and see her smile and ask her advice, but... it was seeming more and more unlikely. They would need time, at the very least, to adjust to what they'd been before.  He didn’t even want to think about losing her altogether, so he didn’t, shifting just enough to be able to brush her hair away from her face with his free hand. They’d been up late the night before, and by the time things settled down, she’d said she was too tired to drive home, didn’t really want to anyway. Could they stay here for the night? Could he hold her? 

He kissed the top of her head, the only thing he could reach without waking her. When he’d woken a few minutes earlier, it’d felt like he’d been glowing, happiness reaching from his fingers to his toes. He wasn’t sure where it came from, this place, this feeling, this person… whatever it was, he wanted to hold onto the feeling as long as he could. 

Despite his wishes, she stirred again, grumbling as her grip around his middle tightened. 

“Morning,” he whispered, and felt her kiss at his chest, hand sliding up to run a thumb along his scars. 

“Mmm. Mornin’. How long you been awake?”

“Just a few minutes,” he said, pushing her hair back from her face again. 

She peered up at him through her lashes, blue eyes hazy with sleep. God, she was so beautiful. Her nose was straight, upturned a little, and her lips, parted, were soft as she kissed him again, her breath against his skin making him shiver a little. And those eyes… as she came awake, they sparkled, seeming to bore into his very soul every time she looked at him. “How’d you sleep?” 

“Perfect,” he sighed. 

Tangling her legs with his, she laughed softly, kissing a little higher, propping herself up a little to reach up and comb her hand through his hair. Grinning, she asked, “Did I do that, or is it bedhead?” 

“Do what?” 

“You have, uh… hang on.” She sat up a little more, and he let go of her so she could reach for the nightstand. Her bruise was completely gone now, the only thing left of Callie a short scar by one rib. He touched it softly. He didn't like to think about it, and he knew she didn't either. After a moment of hesitation, he ran the hand over one side of her bare chest, squeezing faintly before she was collapsing back to the mattress, phone in her hand. She was a little higher up on the bed now, so he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in and kissing her cheek. 

“Look,” she said, laughing, and he glanced up to see that she had the front camera on. His hair was mussed around his head, the strands tangled and curled in and around each other. He groaned, and she snickered.

Watching on the screen, he saw her fingers appear, felt them comb through his messy hair. Pressing the side of his face against the side of hers, he reached up, pushing the camera button. She laughed. 

“That’s one to show the grand-kids,” he groaned, wrapping an arm around her and burying his face in her hair. He heard the camera go off again, and laughed against her. “What is this, the Louvre?” One of his hands slid down her body, holding her to him tightly. “I found the art.” 

“Oh, my god,” she said in disbelief, turning to face him and taking one more picture as she pressed her mouth to his, kissing him deeply and drawing out a groan of surprise. He’d thought that was still against the rules, but he certainly wasn’t complaining as she set her phone down on the pillow, tongue brushing his and arms wrapping around his neck. His heart was pounding, fingers lighting up to their tips. As she pulled away, he followed her forward, kissing her again and making her sigh. 

“Alright,” she said, grinning breathlessly as he tried to kiss her a third time, pulling back. “Okay, yeah, probably not… not the best idea. Maybe we really shouldn’t do that.” 

He buried his face in her neck, trying to hide the look he was sure had crashed over his face, making his grin fall, and forced a laugh. “Maybe not. Can you send me those pictures?” he asked as he looked up. “I want to get them framed.” 

She smiled at him, and once again, he was absolutely helpless. Then her face fell, a question obviously on the tip of her tongue. “What?”

“Is this a secret? I know we haven’t told anyone, but like… could we?”

His hesitation must have shown on his face, because hers fell, and he was quick to explain. “It’s not you. Nothing about you. I guess I just… why would we need to?” 

She nodded slowly. “It is really nice, having it just kind of be… ours.” 

“Makes it more exciting. Like a forbidden getaway. Against the rules. Almost like we’re gay or trans or something,” he murmured with a wink, and she snorted. “And it’s nice not to have to explain it. Figure out a definition.” 

Blue swallowed. “Doesn’t totally feel like just sex anymore.” 

“It doesn’t have to to be uncomplicated, right?” he grinned “I like being with you. That doesn’t need explaining.” 

“That’s fair,” she said, and a smile broke out over her face. “Still not my boyfriend.” 

He scoffed. “I know. Still gonna do this, though.” Lowering himself to reach her better, he kissed her collarbone, not quite lifting his face as he kissed a little lower, then again. 

Chest vibrating a little as she snorted, she tapped his hip with her knee. “C’mere.” 

Blue was smiling softly as he looked up, and she held out a hand to cup his cheek as he came closer. Softly, she ran a thumb over his lips, then leaned up, kissing the very corner of his mouth where it just barely didn’t count. “You are very important to me,” she said. “And I really don’t want to lose you. So I’ll only ask once, and then I’ll believe you. Is this really okay?” 

He looked her in the eyes, knowing exactly what she meant. Was he really okay, existing in this limbo between sex and love and friendship, having her so close and so far all at the same time, feeling as though he could lose her at any second? Was he okay, having her at his fingertips, but not belonging to her in the slightest? 

“Yes,” he lied.


	10. Oh it's party time yo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nothing bad has ever happened while alcohol is involved

“I’m gonna guess it’s that house.”

Razz huffed, lifting his arms above his head as Timothy crawled half-into his lap in order to peer out the car window. He made a face at a couple making out on the curb, then squinted at the house in question. “How does Blue even know these people?” 

“I’m honestly not sure that she does,” Razz said, reaching under the other in order to put the car into park. 

“Get your hands off my dick,” Timothy said absentmindedly, still squinting. 

“Get your dick off my transmission, then.” 

Snorting, Timothy climbed back into his seat. “Are there gonna be straight people?” 

“ _ I’m  _ straight people, asshole. Yes.” 

“But you’re like… straight with extra steps. These people have no--”

“And Blue’s not straight. She’s probably friends with mostly not-straight people.”

“That’s right! You think Callie will be here? She’s cool.” At the look on Razz’s face, he furrowed his brow in confusion. “What?”

“They’re not engaged anymore,” Razz stated, then popped open his truck’s door. He heard Timothy do the same, tripping on the curb before he caught up. Razz looked up, realizing the other had put on heels in the car. “Fuck, dude, you’re like a foot taller than me with those.” 

Timothy grinned down at him. “Jealous?” 

“Makes it easier to smack you in the dick.”

Almost on impulse, the other covered himself, making a face. “Remind me not to go to parties with my tiny gremlin friends anymore.”

“Stop making tiny gremlin friends and you won’t have to. Let’s go.” 

Music blared from the house even with the door shut, and lights flashed in the windows. There were a few people out front in addition to the couple they’d seen earlier. One guy was shirtless, and another was in the process of trying to smash a can against his head. They looked like they shared a single brain cell, and it was neither’s turn to use it. As Timothy and Razz approached the front door, it flew open, emitting a gaggle of drunk guys, all whooping as they stampeded out onto the lawn. One of them was holding aloft a plastic flamingo lawn ornament. Timothy caught the door as the last one left, making a face. “Charming,” he remarked, and Razz grimaced. 

Blue had called him about an hour ago, sounding a little drunk and a lot happy, insisting that he had to come to this great party she was at. He’d been with Timothy, but when he’d informed her of that, she’d happily invited him along too. Razz was just wearing the clothes he’d been at Timothy’s in, with some borrowed eyeliner and with his shirt unbuttoned a little further than he usually might have, but Timothy had gone all out, throwing a bunch of shit in a box and climbing into the backseat of Razz’s car to finish getting ready. 

As they walked into the front room of the house, he blinked, eyes adjusting to the way the lights were flashing almost directly into his eyes. He was starting to doubt how “good” of a party this could be as they made their way through the rooms, dodging drunk people and looking for Blue. 

Finally, they found her in the kitchen, sitting on a counter and talking animatedly with someone Razz thought he recognized from the class they all shared. He cleared his throat, and she looked up, immediately grinning and jumping down from the counter. The person she had been talking to didn’t seem to mind, happily pouring themselves another drink as Blue wrapped her arms around Razz’s waist, leaning back to smile at him. Timothy raised his brows. 

“Hey guys!” she was only looking at Razz, but he assumed she was happy to see Timothy, too. “I’m so glad you came.” 

Carefully detaching her, Razz kept hold of one of her hands. “You seem happy!” 

“I’m a little drunk,” she admitted, tugging him by the hand over to the drink counter. “You should start catching up! What are you having?” 

“What if I wasn’t gonna drink?” 

Timothy and Blue snorted at the same time. Blue let go of his hand, grabbing a flavored vodka and some cherry soda and pouring a little more of the vodka into the cup than he would’ve immediately poured himself. “That’s too bad. I wanna dance, and you’re gonna dance with me!” She pressed the cup into his hand, then her arm was back around his waist. Timothy looked at Razz again, but he just shrugged, picking up the plainest-looking beer he could find and handing it to his friend. 

“Thank god,” Timothy said. “Thought you were gonna peer-pressure me, too.” 

“That’s  _ my  _ job!” Blue said, starting to sway to the music as she filled her mostly-empty cup to the brim with the vodka. Razz watched her in amazement as she lifted it to her mouth, starting to drink it without even a cringe. Gently, he took the cup from her hands, handing that to Timothy too and ignoring the look he was still giving him. Blue just sighed and leaned into him with a frown. One hand started to work its way under his shirt where Timothy couldn’t see it, and he yelped, reaching back to seize her by the wrist. 

“I’m getting you some water,” he announced, and she laughed, reaching for Timothy with her free hand. He stepped back. 

“Can I have my cup back?”

“No.”

~~

“She seems to be having a good time,” Timothy remarked as Razz collapsed into the couch beside him. He grinned, throwing an arm around his back and leaning heavily into his friend. He felt Timothy’s arm come up to pat him on the shoulder, then carefully duck out from his hold. “So does Razz.” 

It took Razz a long moment to realize Timothy was just talking about him in the third person, but then he laughed. He looked out at the makeshift dance floor, seeing Blue leaning back into a woman he didn’t recognize, seeming to be singing loudly along to the lyrics of the song they were dancing to. The woman's hands were around Blue's waist, and they were swaying with the music, both a little off-beat. Blue kept looking at him, the wide grin on her face making him laugh as he responded, “Blue gets a little wild when she’s been drinking!” 

“I don’t know, man…” He watched her for a moment, then looked at Razz. “I’ve been drinking with her before, but she’s never been quite so… clingy isn’t the right word. She’s hanging off you, Razz. You said she just broke up with her fiancee?”

Razz shrugged innocently. “A while ago. She’s getting over it, I think. I dunno what to tell you.” 

“You’re a shitty-ass liar, but I guess--” 

Glancing away, Razz caught sight of a familiar face across the room. Callie was watching Blue with an expression he couldn’t quite identify, but it looked a lot like the one Blue’d had the day that Callie started coming to classes again. Blue laughed loudly, turning around to face the girl she was dancing with and throwing her arms around her. Callie cringed. 

Snickering, Razz turned back to Timothy, catching the look of surprise on his face. “What?” 

“She looks pretty upset. Do you think Blue is doing this on purpose?” 

“Maybe,” he said, “But I don’t know if she’s even noticed that--”

He was cut off with an  _ oof  _ as Blue sat heavily on his lap, throwing her arms around his neck and her legs onto Timothy’s lap. “How are my boys doing?!” she yelled over the music, and Razz grinned. 

“Great, doesn’t feel like I’m gonna throw up anymore,” he answered as Timothy shoved her legs not-so-gently off of him. She adjusted automatically, holding tightly to Razz with one arm and starting to open her mouth. 

“Your fiancee is here,” Timothy said helpfully, and Blue’s hand dropped from where it had started to slide over Razz’s chest as she started, looking over her shoulder. She seemed to find Callie, because she tensed in Razz’s arms, then abruptly let go of him. As she hit the floor, Razz was all too aware of Callie’s eyes, and glanced up to see her glaring at him before she turned around and pushed away through the crowd. 

“We should go home,” Blue stuttered from his feet, and he sighed, reaching down to help her stand. 

“You don’t have to run.” 

“I’m not running.” 

“Maybe you should work on sleeping it off,” Timothy said shortly, and Razz looked to see that he was glaring at him, too. Before he could do anything, Timothy shook his head in disgust, standing up and walking away. 

Starting to stand, Razz was brought to a stop before he could follow the other by Blue wrapping her arms around his shoulders, fingers softly brushing his neck as she insisted, “I’m not afraid.” 

“I know that.” 

She just looked at him for a long moment, then, suddenly, “I want to have sex with you.” Blinking, Razz couldn’t quite seem to look away from her. He was tempted for a long moment, but she pressed on, going up on her tiptoes and swaying a little as she cupped his cheeks. “There’s rooms upstairs, baby, please?” 

His heart thumped, and he was suddenly struck with how fucking unfair  _ that  _ was. Then she swayed again, her eyes hooded, and he shook his head, pulling her hands away from his face. “No way, Blue, you’re drunk as shit.” 

“So are you.” 

“Not as much as you. And I really don’t like being rubbed in Callie’s face.”

She went limp, blinking up at him in apparent confusion. “That’s not--” 

“I gotta go find Timothy. You gonna be okay?” he asked. This was starting to get overwhelming, and he just wanted to go outside, get Timothy to calm him down a little. 

Blue seemed to be searching for something to say, then she narrowed her eyes. “Might sleep with someone else.” 

Rolling his eyes, Razz took a deep breath. “You’re fucking drunk, Blue. Don’t do that.” 

“What, you jealous?” 

“Fine,” he shot back. He was tired of this. Suddenly, he very badly wanted to go home. “Do whatever you want, Blue, see if I care.” 

He pushed away her reaching hands, storming out of the room and making his way through the kitchen and to the back porch. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, he looked over his shoulder, half-wishing Blue had followed him. She hadn’t. 

Timothy was sitting in a folding chair, arms folded and glaring at nothing in particular. Razz sat carefully next to him, searching for something to say. 

“Are you--”

“What the fuck is going on with Blue?”

Stuttering, Razz couldn’t think of a good response. “What? Nothing! She’s just going through some stuff, and I’m helping her!” 

“Helping her?! I don’t really see how grinding on her on the dance floor and letting her get you drunk is helping her, Razz!” 

He’d never seen Timothy this angry before. To be honest, he was having trouble remembering if he’d ever even seen Timothy mad at him at all before. “That wasn’t to help, that was just…” 

“Having fun?! You came here to hang out with your friends, I thought! I knew she wasn’t wanting to spend time around Callie, didn’t really understand why until you told me, but I thought maybe the three of us could hang out! You’re being weird about her!”

“Weird?!” he exclaimed, feeling himself getting angry about the whole thing. “The fuck? Weird how? She’s my friend too, Timothy, you don’t just get all of my free time to yourself because you’re fucking...in love with me or something!” He cringed, immediately regretting the accusation. He fucking knew better, and they were both aware of that.

Timothy’s expression morphed into one of utter betrayal. “You think I’m in love with you? How self-centered can you be?! I can want to spend time with you without being the sex-crazed gay guy!” 

Guiltily defensive, Razz shot back, “Why don’t you mind your own fucking buisiness, then?” 

“Because I care about you, you asshole! God, I can’t even--” he leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. “This isn’t you, Razz. Getting all doe-eyed over a girl you know just got out of a fucking engagement, feeling her up and treating her like every one-night-stand she’s ever had has probably treated her. She deserves more respect than that, and I know damn well that I deserve more respect than what you’re giving me right now!!” 

“You have no idea what’s going on with me and Blue!” 

“Then why won’t you fucking explain it to me?!” 

Razz glared at him, then stood abruptly. “I’m fucking walking home. Find your own ride.” 

“Fine!” 

Kicking his chair onto its back, Razz stormed around the side of the house, dodging the people he passed and successfully holding back tears until his feet hit the sidewalk. Stupid fucking _bullshit_ , what had he gotten himself into? 

This wasn’t supposed to get this complicated.


	11. I dont know anything about dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> choreography is a mystery to me and all i know is that i like kyle hanagami and i'd like to think im good at BSing so enjoy this chapter

The truck beeped as Razz held up his fob to unlock it. It was dark gray, a monster of a thing that he’d managed to convince his dads to meet him halfway on buying before he’d left for college. It was probably the leftovers of being a butch lesbian for most of high school, but he’d wanted a big-ass truck for  _ years  _ , had been ecstatic when he’d signed the title and it was declared officially _his_. He thought he was probably more excited to see it now than even that day, though, the pounding of his head making him eternally grateful that he didn’t have to walk back home. 

He’d woken up this morning feeling like he’d been thrown in a dryer for the night, dizzy and sick and thirsty as hell. After stumbling out to the kitchen to drink about three cups of water, he’d slowly realized that he’d left his car at the party. He’d grieved for about an hour, slowly getting dressed and trying to convince himself to just pay for an Uber. When he’d finally come to the conclusion that it really was only a few blocks, and it really would be a waste of money, he’d had to sit on the couch for a few minutes just to prepare himself. 

Now he was here, and despite his dread, the fresh air was helping the hangover. He hadn’t seen Blue all morning, had only thought to check her room after he’d been walking for five minutes, and he was… well, he was worried about her. There were blank spots in his memory, but he remembered telling her to do what she wanted, and she’d been in the sort of mood where he was kind of afraid that she would. 

He’d remembered saying some awful things to Timothy, too. Him, though, Razz didn’t feel weird about texting, apologizing profusely. Timothy had texted him back while he was walking, said it was fine, he'd gotten home safe, they were both drunk and had said things they didn’t mean, but that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Razz agreed, head hurting too much to want to pursue any of it. 

As he reached his car, someone came out of the house the party had been in. She looked bedraggled, bending to start picking toilet paper up off the lawn. It took Razz a second, but he recognized her as the girl Blue had been dancing with the night before, immediately stepped forward and waved a hand. “Yo!” 

She started, looking up and waving back after a moment. “Hey! What’s up…?” She clearly didn’t know his name, but he just smiled, jogging across the street after looking both ways. 

“Razz. I was at the party last night.” 

“Oh, hey! Thanks for coming!” she smiled at him pleasantly, but clearly just wanted to finish cleaning up and go back inside. 

He cut to the chase. “Did you see what happened to Blue?” 

“Who?” she asked, and Razz inwardly sighed. 

“Blue Serif? Blue hair, super short?” he held out a hand at about Blue’s height, and her eyes widened in recognition. 

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, I just know Callie! They went home, I think? She’s her fiancee, right?”

Razz blinked. “They went home?” 

“Yeah, Callie said she had to go, and she went and got Blue, I think, then they went outside together. I didn’t see them again after that.” 

He wasn’t sure what to say for a long moment, then thanked her quietly and went to his truck. Shrugging, she returned to her task as he jumped in, starting the engine and shifting into drive. The trip home was spent with his mind racing. She’d gone home with Callie? There’d been so many possibilities running through his mind, but he hadn’t even  _ considered  _ that one. Callie? There was no way. Blue would… she was so focused on never being the victim, she never would have been so stupid. If for nothing else than her swollen pride. 

He pulled into the parking garage, slamming the door shut and walking to the nearest elevator. What should he do? It wasn’t any of his business, really, but maybe he should just… he could text her? Offer a ride home or something. Something innocuous, so he didn’t seem like he was upset-- 

Pushing open the door to the apartment, he came up short at the sight of Blue, sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee clutched in both hands, looking like hell itself had run her over. She looked up as he walked in, and relief flooded her face as he chucked his keys on the counter and practically ran to scoop her up in a hug. 

“What the fuck?” She sounded more surprised than angry, setting her cup on the table before hugging him back.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I was fucking awful and I just left you there, that was shitty as hell and you--” 

“Razz, I’m fine! I’ve been here the whole night! I’m a grown-ass woman, you know, I can walk four blocks home!” She pulled back, but she was smiling. There was something false about it, not quite reaching her eyes as she asked, “Did you go home with someone? You weren’t in your room when I checked--” 

“No,” he snorted. “I got in a fight with Timothy and pouted my way here. I was just getting my truck.” He started to stand up, the smell of her coffee making him want one, but she grabbed his arm. 

“Can I talk to you about something?” 

Fuck. He couldn’t tell if she was upset with him, but fear cropped up anyway. “Sure?” Standing up, he walked to the coffee machine, heard her sigh behind him. 

“You deserve better than thinking I was trying to rub you in Callie’s face. Last night was… rough. But I talked to her. She thought the same damn thing, and it just… pissed me off. That you guys both seem to think that I want anything to do with her.” 

He gulped, deciding never to mention that he’d thought she’d gone home with her. “You talked to her?” 

“Yeah. I told her to stop texting me. Stop showing up in the halls, stop trying to apologize. We’re not engaged, we’re not even friends. She did something unforgivable, and she's gonna have to get used to that.” 

There was something else, he could tell. He started the coffee maker, then turned around, leaning back against the counter. “That’s good. I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself.” 

She sighed, sipping at her drink. “I don’t want to hide this anymore, Razz.” 

“Hide what?” 

“Just…” she looked frustrated, gesturing between them. “This. Whatever this is. I want to be able to tell people about you. I want to be able to dance with you at parties without Timothy glaring at me the whole time, and I want to… I don’t even know, talk about it with my friends, make fun of your prowess or whatever.” 

“My prowess?” he laughed. “You want to trade size comparisons? That’s hardly fair, I got to pick mine out.” 

She snorted, then sat forward, appealing to him as he heard the coffee maker beep behind him. “Razz, this doesn’t feel like it should be a secret. We’re not dating, but that doesn’t mean we can’t tell people about it, right?” 

Picking up his cup, he considered it. He didn’t care if anyone knew, had wished more than once he could tell people himself. It was just… this felt like it would make it real. Like it would  _ matter _ , if it came to an end, more than it already would. Realistically, he knew that everything they did was a step away from being able to stay friends when and if this… whatever it was crashed and burned around them. The thing was, though, that even knowing all the reasons he shouldn’t...he really wanted to. 

“Alright,” he said, sitting at the table. “Might taint my good reputation a little, but--” she smacked him, and he snickered. “How should we do it? Like a baby announcement? ‘Congratulations, it’s casual sex!’”

Her face fell, and he wondered if he’d said something wrong. Before he could ask, though, she snorted again. “Nah. Just like… if someone asks ‘Hey, you seem pretty close to Razz!’ I can just be like ‘Oh, yeah, we’re sleeping together’, you know? And they can get jealous and talk behind my back.” 

“What, jealous of you?!” he laughed. “I don’t exactly have prospects lined up around the block.” 

“I’m pretty sure you’re wrong. You’re a catch, Razz.” She was grinning, and he rolled his eyes up, fanned himself with one hand. 

“Girl, I know.” 

“I don’t think you do,” she laughed, and leaned forward. He just looked at her, smiling softly, as she considered him, eyes catching along his face. Without warning, she leaned forward, pecking him quickly on the lips. 

Something in his chest swelled, and he smiled. “I thought you said we shouldn’t do that.” 

“We shouldn’t,” she murmured, picking up her cup. “But I wanted to.” 

~~~

Reaching for his foot, Razz stretched out his leg, huffing irritably as he caught his breath before leaning further. He was just an inch or two from touching his forehead to his knee. He was pretty sure he could do it if he pushed himself, but this wasn’t flexibility training. Class was coming to an end, and though there was another group or two still running choreography, he and Timothy were both done. 

Timothy was watching him in horror as Razz switched to the other side, this leg easily allowing him to go all the way down. “I hate watching you do that.” 

“Then don’t watch,” Razz grunted, sitting back up. “Maybe you should try it. It comes in handy.” 

“What, getting bent in half?” He immediately backpedaled as Razz grinned at him. “Quit it. I refuse to believe you’re a bottom.” 

“Strictly speaking,” Razz said, crossing his legs. “I’m a switch.”

“Thanks, I hate it.” 

Laughing, he stood up, reaching above his head and glancing over at Blue. She was one of the dancers, and they were stopped for the moment, all watching her as she exaggeratedly slid through one set of poses, then another. Some of the group was nodding, and Razz relaxed, watching them in confusion. “Do you know what they’re trying to figure out?” 

“Uh…” Timothy followed his gaze, squinting at them. “Fuck if I know. Something with the React choreography.”

“Ah.” That was a piece for the girls in the class. Their final for this class was a practical, just like the rest of it. They had to arrange and perform the variety of dances they had learned in an end-of-semester show, arranged in cooperation with one of the other performance classes. One of the groups had been all the girls, and what had started out as an empowerment piece had quickly devolved into the reason Blue’s hands were currently clasped over her chest. Eh, maybe the very fact that he was thinking that still made it an empowerment thing. Blue had tried to explain the thought process to him a while ago, but her brand of feminism differed a little from his. “I thought Callie was helping lead that?” 

“I dropped that group,” came a voice from behind him, and he jumped, looking around to see Callie sitting behind him, glaring absentmindedly at the girls. “Not really my thing, and we’re only required to be in three of the dances.” 

Awkwardly, Razz traded a glance with Timothy. The latter shrugged, then turned to her. “How’re you holding up?” 

Razz cringed and turned away, just in time to see Blue looking over her shoulder at him. She barely glanced at Callie, then crooked her fingers, and he raised a brow, standing up and crossing to her. Timothy glanced after him, then returned to his conversation. 

“I’m not suggesting we bring in the guys,” Blue was saying animatedly, then glanced at him, “Razz, can you grab a chair?” he obeyed, and she continued. “It would just be interesting, I think, to add some kind of a partner element to the dance. Just for a few beats, even, bring the chairs in and the lead partners sit and the--” 

“With the chairs, this all seems a little racy, doesn’t it?” one of the women asked, but another took razz by the wrist, tugging him over to the chair as another girl nudged him to sit down. 

“No, no, it’ll be classy,” Blue assured her, “and we already have the chairs involved. We could stick to basically the same choreography, even, and just have the lead sitting, then just kind of…” 

She sat on his lap, throwing one leg over his arm before grabbing his hand, adjusting it on her leg. “See? How he’s sort of holding there, we could transition it down into the floor then back up. I think it would stop the floor beats from being too flat, if that makes sense. “

Razz opened his mouth, but one of the other girls was already talking, adjusting the way his free arm was positioned to be lined up with Blue’s back. “We could even skip the floor pieces altogether, if we have someone sitting. It would contribute to that sort of falling element we wanted, and I think it brings in the sex in a way that makes it interesting. Razz, can you move your hips forward?” Thoroughly embarrassed, Razz scooted up a little on the chair. 

They were always doing this, one or another of the female class members grabbing either him or Timothy and using them to try out their different ideas. It was probably because they were among the only guys in the major who wouldn't try to cop a feel, and he was pretty sure a lot of them still considered him to be one of them. He'd met a lot of them before he came out, and though he was sure they didn't mean to, he still got the occasional deadname or wrong pronoun in this group. He was lucky to have Blue, though. He'd never been one to correct people, but he'd never forget her, in all her 5'0 glory, threatening to beat another dancer's ass in front of the professors if she called him "Reina" again. 

A hand grabbed his chin, and he was about to protest before he realized it was Blue, and she was smiling. “Can you run the music, Beth? See, and we could have that conversation piece Professor Nolan was suggesting--”

“Alright, lap dances are on your own time,” said the aforementioned Professor, frowning at them all as he finally seemed to notice what was going on. 

“I’m just showing them an idea I had!” Blue protested, lowering her leg but staying in Razz’s lap. 

“Uh-huh. I heard the end of that, but you can share ‘ideas’ in the halls. Class was over…” he glanced at the clock. “Three minutes ago.” 

Blue huffed, and as her group started to disperse, he got a sudden burst of courage, wrapping his arms around her waist. “It seems like you could have demonstrated that on one of the girls.” 

She snorted, pushing his hands away and leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Probably. But they needed to see it.” 

“We’re dance majors, Blue. Generally, we learn by doing.”

"Mm. Have something you wanna teach me?" 

He snorted, then winked exaggeratedly. "You taking any chemistry classes?"

Laughing, she climbed off, gesturing for him to stand up and starting to fold up the chair. Suddenly very aware of just how public the setting was, he glanced up just in time to see Callie slip out of the room, head bowed and bag slung over her shoulder. Then Blue touched his arm as she passed, and he looked down at her, grinning as she hummed, bouncing to the beat in her head. His eyes followed her, very entertained by her swinging hips. 

Timothy cleared his throat, and Razz blinked, realizing he was just kind of staring at her ass. He looked at his friend, seeing that the other was frowning at him, then abruptly realizing they were the only three left in the room. 

“Are you two, like, dating or some shit?” Timothy asked. “Because if you think you’re being subtle, you’re not.” 

Blue grinned up at him from where she was sorting out her bag. “We’re not.” 

“What? Being subtle?” 

“Dating.” 

“Oh, come on .” Timothy huffed. “Razz, I know I said I didn’t want to talk about this anymore because I didn’t want to fight, but Callie was crying.  _ Crying _ .”

Face going hard, Blue looked down at her bag. “I don’t care.” 

He gave her a bewildered look, looking at Razz for help. “You’re kidding me, right? And don’t lie to me, what are you guys, just kissing under the stars as friends or something?” 

“Well, there’s no kissing under the stars, but we’re sleeping together,” Razz said as casually as he could, leaning down to grab his own bag and abruptly sprawling as Timothy shoved him. 

“I  _ know  _ you’re not this kind of person.” he said, then looked apologetic. “Didn’t mean to shove you that hard. You okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Razz said, sitting up and brushing himself off. 

“Then fucking come  _ on _ ! ” 

“Timothy,” Blue said, standing up with her bag on her shoulder. “You really need to stop feeling bad for Callie.” 

He didn’t look mad so much as absolutely flabbergasted, looking between them. “How long have you guys been sleeping together?” 

“Like…” Razz glanced at her. “Three months?” 

“And how long have you and Callie been broken up?!” 

Blue pursed her lips. “About six hours longer than that.” 

He sat back, rubbing his face. “Then why did Callie just tell me you cheated on her?”

Slamming her bag to the floor, Blue exhaled sharply. “Jesus  _ fucking  _ Christ. Will she ever let that go? I didn’t fucking  _ do  _ anything!”

“Then why did you break up?!” Timothy asked, looking defensive. “Listen, okay, he won't tell you anything of the sort, but Razz is a good guy, Blue, he doesn’t need you dragging him into--”

“She fucking hit me, Timothy!” 

They both went completely silent, Blue looking like she was either going to hit something or cry and Timothy looking like he might go for the latter. “What?”

“ _ Callie _ . She accused me of sleeping around on her, which I _didn’t_ , and she hit me, and gaslighted me, and just… she’s an abusive asshole! Stop defending her when you know me better! I thought we were friends!” 

He gaped for a moment, then glanced at Razz, who shrugged, then gestured back at Blue. “Thought you'd know both of us better, to be honest. Do you really think I’d be a homewrecker? If nothing else, I respect Blue too much for that.” 

Taking a deep breath, Timothy finally spoke. “She hit you?” Blue nodded, and he seemed to deflate, putting his face in his hands. “You’re right. I’m so sorry. Getting anyone to believe same-sex domestic… I mean… You’re right. You are my friend. I should have asked you before I just believed her.” 

“It’s okay,” she said softly, and he huffed. 

“I still don’t understand why you would sleep together.” 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me Razz doesn’t make you feel about as safe as you ever have been,” Blue said, half-jokingly. 

“I don’t know about that, but I know she makes me happy,” Razz explained, glancing up at her. “And she needed me. It just translated into something a little… off-the-wall.” Blue smiled, looking at him softly. 

“It’s like you said. He’s a good guy.”


	12. theres too many tropes in this story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fyi no i absolutely cannot have a slow burn story that doesn't include a carnival scene
> 
> ill be honest tho this chapter does not exactly contribute much to the plot lmao

Razz’s jaw was starting to ache. Clenching your teeth for this long couldn’t be good for them, he thought, but there wasn’t much he could do to fix it at this point. His hand was pressed tightly to his mouth, his breathing shaky past his fingers. He could feel Blue’s hair brushing the insides of his thighs, and he thought some of it must be flipped forward, because he could feel something tickling at his stomach. He was having some trouble propping himself up to look. Muffling a moan as her tongue hit him in just the right place, he heard her laugh, and the sensation disappeared. She pressed a kiss right where he didn’t need it, then another to the inside of his leg. 

“You don’t have to cover your mouth, you know,” she murmured, and he felt her hands smoothing over his thighs. He caught his breath, looked down just in time to see her fingers replace her tongue. 

Voice pitching up, he moaned again, shakily pulling his hand away from his mouth. “I--I don't do this very o-o-often,” he forced himself to say, and she moved a little faster, making him clap the hand back down. 

She snickered. “I know,” she said, then pressed her tongue against him again. He could see her now that he was propped up, groaned as she held eye contact. She pulled away, suggesting, “That’s why I want to hear you. Or you could just let me do this more.”

“I just get really se-enstivve,  _ fuck _ \--”

“Good.” She went back to work, and he decided to obey, shakily pulling his hand away from his mouth. He was a little unsure what to do with it for a moment, knowing there had to be spit on it. They were in Blue’s bed, and he didn’t want to just wipe it on her sheets. Sealing her mouth around him, Blue chuckled. He moaned out a string of expletives, and finally just grasped for the headboard behind him, and his back arched against his will, lifting her along with his hips. She put her free hand at his waist, pushing him roughly against the mattress without stopping what she was doing. Holy _fuck_ \-- Razz threw his head back, and a broken moan exploded from his mouth. He could feel Blue faltering, and looked down to see that her eyes had gone wide. 

Taking advantage of the chance to catch his breath, Razz propped himself up on his elbows. He could see himself twitching. Almost laughed about it, caught himself just in time. “Please, Blue--” 

“Do that again,” she said quietly, voice almost a growl, and he laughed shakily. 

“What, just? ‘Aaa?’ I can’t just--” Her mouth went back to him, and the noise broke out again. She laughed against him, the vibration not helping his situation, and he started to feel the pressure of an orgasm rising up inside him. It hovered on the edge for a long moment, and he stiffened, mouth hanging open and body falling back to the bed.

Then Blue moaned, and he came, legs hitting the sides of her head and hips jerking up against her. “Jesus fucking  _ christ--  _ ” his voice was pitched up again, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. He jerked up against her again, then forced himself to relax, letting her out of the trap he’d accidentally created. 

Blue laughed, kissed him in a place that made him whine. “God, if that’s the reaction I’m gonna get, I think I should do this all the time.” 

It took him a second to speak. “I don’t think I could survive that.” 

Starting to kiss her way up his stomach, Blue hummed. She only got about four of them in before he was grabbing her, tugging her up and thinking about kissing her on the mouth before settling for her jaw. She snickered, pressing him down as she released herself and kissing him deeply. Tasting himself on her tongue, he shivered, wrapping his arms around her back and feeling her chest press to his. 

“This is--a terrible idea--” she said as he initiated the next kiss, and he groaned in protest, fingers pressing into her skin. 

“Just this once,” he gasped, still pressing them together, and she didn’t put up any resistance as he pressed his tongue between her lips. There was a feeling rising up inside him, and a sudden burst of courage had him starting to speak. “Blue--”

“Don’t,” she mumbled, kissing him again, pressing her hips down. “Don’t wanna ruin it. I’m enjoying this.” 

His chest ached, but he laughed against her mouth before she sat up and grabbed some of his hair, pushing his head down against the bed. Straddled over him, he couldn’t help but go a little breathless all over again as he looked at her. She inspected him for a long moment, and he took a little pride in how red her mouth had gone. His hands drew softy against her thighs. “You want a turn?” 

“Nah…” she said, unmoving. “I just want to look at you.”

“How do I look?” 

“Absolutely fucking wrecked,” she answered, and he snorted. 

“Kiss me some more, I think that would add to it,” he suggested innocently, drawing his nails over her skin. 

Humming, she leaned in close, then grinned. “That would be stupid. Especially when I already have you wrapped around my fingers.” 

“There’s lots of stupid,” he said, voice going breathless as she pulled his hair a little harder. “We have fun, though.” 

“We do.” she leaned in, buried her face in his neck and let go of his hair. He could feel her leaving hickeys across his skin, could only imagine the war zone his body would be by the morning. “Thanks for letting me do that.” 

He exhaled dramatically, threw an arm over his eyes. “ _ No _ problem.”

“Could I do it again?”

“What, now?” She sat up, grinned at him, and he shivered. “I genuinely think that would ruin my life.” 

She laughed, finally letting herself fall to one side so that she could cuddle against him. Her hand was tracing the lines of his chest, and he hooded his eyes, basking in the afterglow. They were both quiet for a long time, Blue occasionally pausing in her motions. Finally, she asked, “You… Do you really think that would ruin it? I know I just said--I guess I just never really asked what you thought.”

“What do you mean?” 

“The whole, like… I just made the decision that we shouldn’t kiss, that we shouldn’t cuddle or sleep in each other’s rooms. Do you really think that stuff matters?” 

“It’s not like we’re doing a great job following the rules,” he commented, then sighed. Told himself not to be stupid. “Uncomplicated is good, right?” Cautiously, he smiled at her, and she smiled back. 

“Yeah,” she murmured. “I just like being with you. You’re my best friend.”

He propped himself up, leaned forward and took hold of the hand on his chest. Kissing her fingers, he twined them with his own. “Even uncomplicated, I’m extraordinarily lucky.”

“Me too,” she said, then tucked her face against him, stroked a thumb over his hand. “This is a good deal.”

They went back to silence, and he lay back down, breathing evenly, feeling her sigh into his skin. Her fan was running, the bed was comfortable, and he was worn out. The even motions of her stroking let him relax, leaning into the kisses being pressed to his shoulder. She let go of his hand, wrapped an arm around him. It was so quiet, Blue was warm and he was feeling airy in his contentment. Razz slowly let his eyes slip closed.

He only realized he had fallen asleep when Blue was shaking him awake, grinning down at him with a plate in her hand. She was wearing clothes, and it took him a second to realize she’d put on the shirt he’d discarded when things had started heating up. She looked good, the buttons not quite done up to an appropriate height. Morning light streamed through the windows, and he huffed in confusion as she leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Hey, sleeping beauty. Brought you some breakfast.” 

“Blue…?” his confusion intensified as she held out the plate, and he blinked, suddenly very fearful. “Did you cook that?” 

She snorted. “No. I tried, but… well, that’s not important. I’ll fix the pan later. These are toaster waffles.” 

“Waffles?” sitting up, he took the plate from her hands, blinked down at the food as she cuddled into one of his sides. He started to cut a piece, then paused, looking at her suspiciously. “What are you buttering me up for?” 

Grinning, she kissed his cheek again. “Nothin’.” He just looked at her, not believing that in the slightest. She rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you while you're eating.” 

Narrowing his eyes, he started to make quick work of the syrupy waffles, moaning as the first bite hit his tongue. She snickered. “I think that’s the loudest you’ve ever been.” 

“Best you’ve made me feel,” he snarked, and she smacked him. 

As he kept eating, being careful not to get any of the syrup on her bed or his own bare chest, she leaned over, grabbing her phone from the nightstand and pulling out the cord. She leaned back into him, and he almost kissed her on top of the head before remembering his mouth was probably covered in syrup. He settled for leaning into her, looking over her head to see what she was doing. 

Pulling up an ad, Blue held it up without saying a word. He took another bite, reading silently. There was apparently a community fair, about an hour southeast of the apartment. Pretty cheap entrance fee, rides, games… “You wanna go?” he asked, confused. 

“Yeah! That’s actually what I was gonna ask you. I was messing around last night after you fell asleep, and I saw the ad, but it’s pretty last minute and it’s kind of a long drive…” 

“Sure,” he said, taking his last bite and setting the plate aside. “That sounds like fun. You inviting anyone else?” 

She hesitated, and he felt her shrug as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Nah, they couldn’t come. Too last minute for everyone.” That was weird, he thought. She’d always seemed to have an excess of friends, and it was a long weekend. Maybe everyone was visiting their families or something. 

“Well, I’m down. Do I have syrup on my face?” 

Looking up, Blue raised her brows, then licked one thumb, reaching for his face. He caught her wrist, laughing. “Don't even think about it. I’ll need to take a shower anyway.” 

Blue grinned, pulling away from him and starting to undo the buttons of her borrowed shirt. “Mind if I hop in with you?”

~~~

The attendant at this game stall couldn’t possibly be making enough for this, Razz thought. He was a teenager, no more than 16 or 17, and looked like all he wanted to do was go home and collapse into a couch. Razz adjusted slightly, glancing over at Blue as she strained over the wall. The attendant’s back had turned, and she had almost immediately half-leaped over the wall, trying to get one of her rings around the neck of a bottle marked “medium”. 

She had caught sight of the little monster plushies this stall bragged, and immediately dragged Razz to the counter, slapping down way too much money and proceeding to repeatedly fail at obtaining the prize she wanted. 

This was her last ring, and she had apparently gotten desperate. 

She tipped a little too far over the wall, and Razz seized her by the strap at the back of her shirt, hauling her back over the wall as she tossed the ring at the last second. The attendant turned around, and to Razz’s utter shock, the ring landed on the bottle Blue had been aiming for. Whooping loudly, she jumped, pointing up to a stuffed, angry-looking purple monster hanging from the roof. “I want that one!” 

The attendant, apparently entirely unaware of her antics, got the plush down and handed it over, and Blue kind of looked like she wanted to kiss the guy, she was so happy. Before she could catch a case, Razz slung an arm over her shoulder, pulling her away. 

“Fuck, yeah!” she exclaimed, making the toy’s tiny arms wiggle back and forth before clutching it to her chest. He laughed, looking down at her with a smile. Her bare shoulders and midriff were sparkling from the glittery lotion she’d had him help her apply before they left, and the yellow shorts she’d chosen made her look like she was trying to cosplay the sunshine. Grinning widely, she made eye contact, holding up her prize for inspection. 

He took it by the hand, shaking it as he let go of her. “Pleased to meet you.” 

“You’re a dork!” she said, voice high-pitched as she made the monster shake back. Her voice at its normal tone, she added, “Well, damn, it’s been decreed. He said it here, folks.” 

“Fuck, what am I gonna do?” Razz asked, then looked around, eyes locking on a tiny stand tucked between two games. 

“You wanna go on some rides?” she was asking, and he nodded, then jogged over to the stand, aware of her eyes on him as he made his purchase and came back to her, holding up his own prize. She blinked, taking it from him as he offered it to her. “A ring pop?” 

“Hell yeah. Those were my favorite as a kid.” Razz grinned, then pushed some of the hair out of his face. “It’s for you.” 

“For me?” she looked at the package, then smiled. “You sure? You said they were your favorite, and you paid--”

“I got it for you! I loved them as a kid, but I loved them so much I broke a tooth on one. I can’t eat them anymore.” He was suddenly struck with the realization that this might be weird. They were already alone at a fair, crossing dangerously close to date territory despite the fact that they used to go to these all the time before they started--

Blue handed him her stuffed monster, ripping open the package and popping the candy into her mouth. She stuffed the wrapper in her pocket, then slipped a finger through the ring and pulled it out. For a moment, she considered the taste, then nodded her approval. “I like this flavor.” 

“What is it?” he asked, not having been paying attention when he bought it. 

She sucked on it again, then stuck out her tongue and winked. “You want to try to figure it out the fun way?” Her tongue was already blue, and he couldn’t help smiling. 

“I’m gonna go with Blue Raspberry,” he commented, and she snorted, holding out a hand for her plush as she put the candy back in her mouth. He gave it back to her, then, before he could think better of it, held out his hand. She took it without a second thought. 

“I feel like a little kid,” she said as they walked towards the rides. “I’ve got my prize, I’ve got candy, I’ve got my daddy holding my hand...” 

Razz choked, dropping it like it was on fire as she burst out laughing. “Razz, c’mon, I was kidding.” She made a grabby motion, and he huffed, letting her twine their fingers together. She tugged down a little, and he leaned over, allowing her to kiss his cheek. “Sorry, I just wanted to see your face!” 

He grumbled, but couldn’t help smiling. “Was it a good one?” 

“Absolutely worth it. Mm, damn.” 

“What?” 

Putting her candy back in her mouth, she pointed at a sign at the entrance to the rides. He followed her finger, reading a sign that said “No food or drinks beyond this point”. 

“You think this counts?” she asked, and he looked back just as she licked across the side of the ring pop, winking at him suggestively before abruptly sticking it back in her mouth and biting down hard. He just stared at her in horror as she chewed, then swallowed, tossing the plastic ring into a garbage they passed. 

“Which ride do you want to start with?” she asked innocently, and he gathered his wits just in time to wink at that, getting her to snort. “Alright, you got me.”

“We could do the ferris wheel,” he suggested jokingly. “Make out when it gets to the top and horrify every 13-year-old kid in the vicinity.” 

She grinned, then pointed at the zipper. “We could make out in that one. Challenge mode.” 

“Think they’d let us double up on the yo-yo?” 

They were both laughing, and Blue started to tug on his hand when they both heard a voice behind them. “So, you guys are dating now?” 

Blue jumped, spinning around to look at Callie. She was standing with her arms folded, looking like she wanted to rip Razz’s head off. He started to let go of Blue’s hand, but she held it tighter, staring at her ex. “It’s none of your business.” 

“Didn’t say it was,” she huffed, looking from Razz to Blue. “Didn’t think it was a complicated question.” 

Blue looked sad, and Razz couldn’t help being upset that her happiness could be ruined so quickly by this person. “Callie, please.” She finally let Razz’s hand go, shoved it in her pocket. “You said you’d leave me be.” 

“It’s not like I followed you here! You just keep showing up!” 

“I’m not--” 

“And you’re just… holding hands with  _ him _ ? What, you saw me before I saw you, decided to rub it in my face?” Callie threw her hands in the air, and Razz debated just walking away and taking Blue with him as she flinched. This was such an unnecessary confrontation, in a place that they’d been having so much fun. “I  _ know  _ you can’t actually be together, you said--” 

“Callie!” Blue backed up, stopping when she felt Razz’s hand on her back. “Not everything is about you! You need to leave me alone!” 

“No! Okay, no, because you’re a manipulative psychopath who twisted things around! You  _ know  _ it was an accident, you know I didn’t mean to--” 

“I don’t care!! You did it! And here you are, telling me it’s my fault again! Like  _ I’m  _ the one that fucked up! I didn’t even fucking--” She took a deep breath, then shook her head. “No. Okay? No. You are not messing up this day. I’m having fun, and you are  _ not  _ messing it up. Razz, let’s go.” She grabbed his hand in a way that felt like it was more for Callie than him, and dragged him behind her as she made her way through the rides. Glancing back, he saw Callie staring at their joined hands, her expression mutinous. 

“Blue--”

“I’m so sorry, Razz, I still want to have fun. Can we still--” 

“Did you know she was gonna be here?” he asked quietly, and she paused. “Like… you just picked a random fair an hour away, and she happens to be here?” 

She hesitated, then sighed heavily, letting go of his hand and sitting on a bench out of Callie’s sight next to a drinking fountain. “She posted about it, said she wished she had someone to go with on her Instagram. I figured she wouldn’t find anyone.” 

Sitting gingerly beside her, he searched for words for a long moment. “So it was… about her, just not for her?” 

“No!” she exclaimed, shaking her head vigorously. “Really, Razz. I saw her post, thought it looked fun. Figured we’d be safe to come, that’s all.” 

He looked at her doubtfully. 

Sighing, Blue leaned into him, petting the cloth of her monster gently. “It might’ve been a little bit of a ‘fuck you’, but just for me. That I could go, and I could have fun, but she couldn’t. I wasn’t trying to rub you in her face.” 

Razz exhaled, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He wasn’t sure if he completely believed her, but honestly, he wasn’t sure it mattered. They weren’t dating. Callie could think what she wanted, and Blue… well, of course she was still thinking about her. It was none of his business. Besides, one thing she’d said, he could help with. 

“Well,” he stated, determined. “Then we should get back to having fun.”


	13. an absolute surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> absolutely no one saw this coming least of all razz

Razz was awoken by a rapid knocking at the door. He sat up halfway, thinking it might have been a dream, honestly kind of hoping it was a dream so he could--

The pounding came again, and he groaned. When they’d gotten home last night, Blue had stashed her stuff in her room and almost immediately gone back out the door again, saying something about one of her friends having just been broken up with and how everyone was gathering up to comfort her. He’d offered to come with, but she’d cringed, leaning up to kiss his cheek and explaining, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Razz. Men are probably the enemy right now.” He’d gotten a text from her later that she would be staying the night, and if there had been drinking involved, there was no way she was home yet. 

Which meant he was going to have to answer the door. 

He stumbled to his feet, throwing on the first shirt his hands touched and glancing at the mirror to make sure his hair wasn’t ridiculous. The knocking sounded, and he yelled, “Okay, I’m coming!” 

Grumbling, Razz made his way out to the hall, unlocking the deadbolt and opening the door. “What are you--” 

Callie glared at him, hands shoved in her pockets. He was suddenly awake, and started to close the door. “This is really not--”

“She  _ was  _ cheating on me!” 

“What?” he made a face, making the mistake of not closing the door all the way as she shouldered past him and into the apartment. “No! Jesus Christ, Callie, no she fucking wasn’t. You need to leave!” 

Callie swung around, practically shaking a finger in his face. “Why are you so pissed at me, Razz? Because she fed you all kinds of great stories? About how abusive I was and how badly I treated her? If you believe them, you don’t know her at all, because she’s a damn liar.” 

“No, she’s not, and you  _ are  _ abusive! What’s your side of the story, huh? That you--” she tried to step around him, and he blocked her with one arm. “That a chair just took flight and hit her all on its own? I saw the bruise!” 

“I’ll bet you did!” She ducked under his reach, going straight for Blue’s room and practically kicking down the door. Looking even angrier by the mere fact that she wasn’t there, she slammed it shut, spinning around to face him. “Oh, why am I arguing with you? You were here, fucking my fiancee while I was trying to fix our relationship.” 

“She didn’t cheat on you!” he exclaimed, and she just rolled her eyes. 

“Where is she?” 

“Fuck if I’m telling you! This is textbook crazy ex, what is  _ wrong  _ with--” 

“You think you have something with her?!” She stepped forward, put her hands on his chest and pushed, sending him stumbling back. “You know what she used to tell me, Razz?!” 

“I don’t care! You need to--”

“Men are for fucking, not falling in love with!” Razz blinked, staring at her in disbelief. Smirking, Callie threw up her hands. “You know, back when she was mine, and she would curl up in my arms and say how perfect everything was, how proud she was to have me, to show me off because she felt so much more connected to women than to men? You fucked up when you came out, Razz, you really think she loves you?”

Something inside him ached, but it was nothing he didn’t already know about Blue. He knew she’d never dated a man, had thought she was a lesbian until just a year or two ago. She took too much pride in that identity, still. “No.” 

The pride in her eyes screeching to a stop, Callie asked, “What?” 

“Blue doesn’t love me. I already know that.” 

She was breathing heavily as she lowered her arms to her sides, looking confused. “But she--” 

“I don’t really care what she said to you, Callie. That part of her life is done.  _ Your  _ part in her life is done.” 

She shook her head sharply. “I don’t think you understand how much of a fucking mess she is.”

“I don’t think you know a damn thing about her if you think you have any chance left.” 

“You should ask her what happened, sophomore year,” she snarled. “See how much you want to be with her, then.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he yelled back. “You think I don’t know?! She’s not damaged goods, she’s a fucking human being! You think I wasn’t the one who was there for her after it happened? Tyler was  _ my  _ friend, it was  _ me  _ that invited him into her life, you think I haven’t been trying to make up for that for the past two years?!” 

For the first time, Callie looked floored, truly confused. “Tyler? I was talking about--”

The door opened, and Blue walked in, looking through the mail. “Hey, Razz, did you already fill out the--” She came to an abrupt stop as she saw Callie standing there, glanced up at Razz with a question in her eyes. 

He sighed. “I’ve been trying to get her to leave.” 

Nudging him out of the way, Callie crossed the room towards Blue, stopping when the other held up the pepper spray on her keychain. She huffed, then nodded in Razz’s direction. “Really, Blue?  _ Him _ ? He’s the one you run to?” 

“I don’t want to talk to you. I think I’ve made that pretty clear.” 

“No! I made a damn mistake, and you just walk out on me?! We were getting married!” her voice broke, and she reached up to rub at her eyes. She looked deflated, like all her anger from earlier had run out of her body and had nothing left to replace it. “We were supposed to get married.” 

Blue looked heartbroken, but she took a deep breath, lowering the pepper spray. “Okay. I’m going to explain this to you, and then I am never going to do it again. You  _ hit  _ me.” Callie looked up, started to say something, but Blue silenced her with a look. “You hit me. You can’t deny that. Not even…” she glanced up at Razz, then down at the ground. “I haven’t told anyone about any of it but the chair and  _ still _ , I haven’t gotten a single person questioning why I’m done. That’s a one strike, you’re out kind of mistake, and you got a  _ hell  _ of a lot more than one strike. You’re not a bad person. I know you’re not. But you’re going to have to be better for someone else, because we are  _ done _ .” 

“I… fuck, Blue, I didn’t mean to.”

“Then maybe you should stop framing this to be my fault.” She took another deep breath, then tossed the mail on the counter, opened the front door and stood beside it. “Leave, or we’re calling the police.” 

Callie seemed to struggle for words for a long moment, shooting a hateful look back at Razz before she started towards the door. On her way, Blue touched her shoulder, looked her in the eyes as she said, “If you come here again, I’m filing a restraining order. The only reason I’m not already is because I know you need time to untangle our lives. But I will not give you another chance.” 

Snarling, Callie ripped the door out of Blue’s hands, slamming it behind her and leaving them standing in silence. Razz tried to meet Blue’s eyes, but she wouldn’t look at him, just putting down her keys and glancing towards her room. “Did she fuck anything up in there?”

“No,” he said, hesitated. She'd said more than one strike, like Callie had... “Are you--” 

“Not really. Can I… can I ask a huge favor?” 

“Of course.” 

Blue looked at her hands, seeming embarrassed. “Could I sleep in your room for a couple of nights? I don’t totally trust her to listen to me, and I’m sure she blames you being here for why I wouldn’t budge. She’s, um. She’s stubborn l-like that.” 

To his horror, Blue started to cry, rubbing her eyes and easily accepting the hug he wrapped around her shoulders. He didn’t have to think twice. 

“Of course.” 

~~~

Men are for fucking, not falling in love with. 

It was eating at him, despite himself. He knew Callie had been angry, had had every reason to lie. But it made sense. It made sense with everything he knew about Blue. She’d always preferred women. He hadn’t even known her very well in high school, but everyone had heard when her parents kicked her out for being a lesbian. She’d been willing to give up her family for women. 

There were so many reasons this could never work, even outside of him being a man. Blue was headstrong, stubborn as hell, might just refuse to be with him on principle. How stupid would it be, to fall for someone you pretty specifically swore to stay friends with?

Why did it matter, anyway? Blue wasn’t supposed to be falling in love with him. He didn’t doubt her ability to form a meaningful friendship with him, he knew she could have sex she enjoyed with him. That’s what he was  _ for _ . He wasn’t meant for falling in love with, at least not in this relationship. 

He would never ask it from her. Not in a million years would he make her feel guilty about not being able to love him. It made him so happy, just being with her. Being able to hold her, to see her every day, why would he ever need anything else? 

Beside him, Blue stirred. Her back was to him, her hair across his pillow. He reached out, brushed some of it out of her face. He never seemed to catch her dyeing it, but had a vague recollection of her being blond in high school. The boxes of hair dye and collection of stains on their bathroom sink further broke the illusion of the hue being natural, but she even dyed her eyebrows. He’d never actually asked her why she started dyeing it, why she never changed the color, but it didn’t matter, really. It was as much a part of her as the color of her eyes or the way her mouth quirked up into a smile, one side lifting just a little higher than the other. 

She was so beautiful. He got so caught up, sometimes, on how wonderful she was to look at that he almost forgot how much he… she was just so strong, so passionate and caring and full of wild humor that never failed to make him laugh. Blue was a force of nature, someone he’d been in awe of from the moment he’d gotten to know her. He could describe her as a wildfire, a thunderstorm, anything loud and inevitable and absolutely inspiring to watch. She made him want to live instead of survive, to look for what made him happy instead of just okay. 

He’d spent so long denying it, pretending this was what he wanted, to her and to himself. That he just wanted to be her friend, that sleeping with her was a fun bonus instead of what was starting to feel like a necessity. How could he admit it to himself, knowing there was no chance? 

God, Razz was falling fast. 

What good would it do, though, to tell her? To mess up a really good thing, and for what? A kiss on the lips he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about? Calling her his girlfriend to the people he knew, waking up to her every morning and being the first person she told when she needed someone to stand by her side? He could support her from here, had no doubt she’d have his back against the world itself. Everything else didn’t matter. Especially when it meant risking this whole deal they’d struck, one that brought him nothing but happiness. Being with her made him so incredibly happy.

Stirring again, Blue rolled over, blinking her eyes open and looking at him hazily. “Razz?” She was wearing that big T-shirt, the one from so many months ago that he couldn’t help but remember in stark detail. It bunched against him as she shifted into his arms. Without thinking twice about it, he wrapped her up, holding her close. 

“Yeah, I’m here,” he whispered. 

“You’re warm…” she sighed, closed her eyes as her breathing went back to being slow and deep. Razz smiled, pressing a careful kiss to her forehead. 

He didn’t know when it had happened. If, maybe, it hadn’t happened, and he was just finally putting words to a feeling he’d been holding on to for years. He could remember worrying himself sick about her in her hardest hour, celebrating her joys and comforting her lows like they were his own, all in the name of friendship. But now? This feeling was taking him over, pulling him apart and holding him together all at the same time. 

Razz was… Well, Razz was in love with Blue. 

But that was okay. At least for now, for as long as she’d let him hold on, he would. And he’d find a way to be okay with it.


	14. i just love them so much okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone tell me where the FUCK i can buy myself a Razz Aster pls and thank you

Razz heard the shower turn off, grinning as he adjusted the collar of his shirt. Blue had banned him from following her into the bathroom, stating that he needed to get ready so that he could do her makeup, and that messing around in the shower would make them both late. 

A few of her friends were going to a bar, and, apparently, had invited Razz along. He’d been happy to accept, making an immediate resolution to be careful with his drinking. Despite his usual preference to lose all inhibitions, he really just wanted to have fun with Blue, and alcohol usually went a long way towards creating unnecessary issues. 

He sat cross-legged on his bed, popping open a compact mirror and starting to put concealer under his eyes. Hearing the bathroom door open, he looked up just in time for Blue to appear in his doorway, her towel around her body and his towel around her head. Before he could say anything about her thievery, she grinned, hurrying across the room and sticking out her foot, propping it across his lap. 

“Feel my leg.” 

Giving her a confused look, he reached out, smoothing his hand over her calf. Then he gasped, rubbing back and forth as she swayed a little, trying to keep her balance. “You shaved!”

“Hell, yeah!” she cried, taking her leg back and bouncing on the balls of her feet, arms crossed tightly over the towel. “I’m soft as fuck!” 

“Get it!” he cheered, then laughed, starting to blend in his makeup. “You planning on getting dressed, or…?”

“Yes, I just wanted to show you before I put lotion on!” she said, then turned around, leaving his room abruptly and going back to the bathroom. 

He shook his head, laughing to himself as he finished what he was doing. There was a Billie razor attached to their shower wall, but it was honestly more for decoration than functionality at this point. Blue didn’t shave her legs very often, so she must really be excited about going out. He wondered if there was someone there she hadn’t seen for a while. Then he stood up, tossing his shoes on the bed and ducking into Blue’s room to grab her makeup bag before going back to his own.

Turning on some music, he sat down, pulling on his shoes while he waited. After a few minutes, Blue reappeared, hair still damp. She was wearing a purple dress that had him whistling lowly, clutching a hand to his chest and pretending to faint back into his mattress. 

“Quit it,” she said, laughing as she sat in front of him, scooping her hair back out of her face. “How do you want me?” 

He winked, and she snorted. “Hold out your hand,” he said more seriously, digging through her makeup and squeezing some primer onto her fingers. “Rub that into your face. I’ll tell you if you miss anywhere.” 

Obeying, she scrunched her nose. “This smells funny.” 

“How long have you had it?” he asked, afraid to know the answer. 

“I have no idea!” she said cheerfully, and he just stared at her for a long time, finally deciding that it didn’t matter. Wasn’t his skin. 

He squeezed foundation onto the back of his hand as she finished, hesitating before he applied it. “I’m assuming that since you’re having me do it, you want something a little more complicated?” 

“Doll me up, babe.” She closed her eyes, and he stared at her in shock, finally deciding she had said it as a joke before reaching for her face. 

Getting her ready took almost half an hour, and when he was done, she admired herself in the mirror. “You are a miracle worker,” she commented, and he gave her a cloud of setting spray, making her cough. 

“It’s not a miracle if the canvas is already a work of art,” he said smoothly, then kissed the side of her head as she snorted. He grinned against her mostly-dry hair, then pulled away, starting to put products back into the bag. Getting a wave of scent, he looked up to see her shaking her hair out of its bun and frowning down at it in consternation. 

“How much time do we have left?” 

“Like ten minutes,” he said, and she made a face. 

“Yeah, this is going in a bun.” 

He snorted. “Is that what you say to yourself every morning?” 

“Yeah,” she grinned, reaching for his hair as he leaned out of her arm span. “Same time that you wake up every morning and go ‘time to steal some innocent lesbian’s haircut’.” 

“Alright, well, when you’re done roasting me, go finish getting ready,” he said, and she laughed. 

“I’m always gonna roast you. You make it too easy.” 

He flapped his hands at her, and she stood up, still giggling as she left. 

~~~

“You must be Razz!” 

He smiled, shaking the woman’s hand as she extended it to him. Her grip was firm, and she was a few inches taller than him. On top of that, she had a look in her eyes that, whether purposeful or not, was incredibly intimidating. “Nice to meet you.” 

“I’m Robyn,” she said, then turned to Blue. “You’re right, he’s hot as shit, girl!” 

Blue flushed bright red, and Razz laughed to himself, sticking his hands in his pockets. He wondered if these were the friends she’d wanted to discuss his “prowess” with. Robyn was a name he recognized, but not someone he thought he’d ever met. He was pretty sure he would remember her, all glaringly red hair and leather jacket, lips dark and heels taller than he thought even Timothy could walk in. She cut an impressive figure, growing more impressive as she gestured around the bar. “Isn’t it gorgeous?” 

Nodding in awe, Blue looked towards the menu. “I can’t believe you finally did it.” 

“You own the place?” Razz asked, and Robyn grinned. 

“Sure do. And with none of that daddy’s money nonsense. I’ve been saving for eight years, working my ass off, and it’s finally here!”

Blue grinned, stepped forward to hug her tightly. Their height difference should have been an endeavor, but they grabbed on easily, Robyn shifting down a little so that Blue could better reach her. “I am so happy for you! And it really is beautiful, Robyn, you can really see all the time you’ve put into the place! There are so many people here, already!” 

Grinning, Robyn ran her hand proudly over the wooden bartop. “Word gets around, I suppose. Well, come on! Marissa and Jace are here, too!” 

“Oh, I’m glad they could make it! I was afraid they wouldn’t be able to find someone to watch the baby!” Blue seemed excited, and Razz followed her and Robyn to a table. There were two people already sitting in the chairs, one with long hair braided out of her face, smiling at the other, a person with a close-shorn haircut and dark makeup. The one with short hair was just in the middle of kissing the woman on the cheek, but pulled away as the others approached. 

“Marissa, you look fantastic,” Blue said, looking at the woman while accepting a hug from who Razz was assuming was Jace, the one with short hair. “How are you feeling?” 

“A lot better now that I have a drink in my hand!” Marissa crowed, squeezing Blue’s hand. Razz smiled softly, unable to help noticing that Blue was the youngest in this group by quite a few years. Robyn looked to be the closest in age to them, and she had at least five or six years on them by appearance alone. 

Jace laughed, turning to Razz and holding out a hand. “Who is this?” They nudged Blue, grinned up at her. “Boyfriend?” 

“Nah,” she said, coming back to him and setting a hand on his shoulder, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Boy-toy.” 

He snorted, not sure how he felt about that description as he leaned forward to shake Marissa’s hand. “It’s good to meet you guys, Blue’s been pretty excited to come.” 

“You two need drinks,” she informed him, and Robyn laughed. 

“Everyone in my party is drinking on the house,” she said, then gave Marissa a severe look. “Just make sure not to abuse that privilege.” 

“Hell, yeah!” Blue grabbed Razz’s hand, pulling him to the bar and ordering them a pair of shots. Then she turned to him, smiling, but he could sense the nervousness behind her eyes. “So? What do you think?” 

He smiled, shaking his head. “I like them so far. They seem like great people. Where on earth did you meet them?” 

“Mmm,” she leaned against the counter, made a face. “I slept with Robyn. She was actually the first one, after the whole… thing.” she made a dismissive gesture. “I started crying after, spilled out my whole life story. She took me under her wing, introduced me to Jace, then Marissa after those two got married! Having a breakdown while you’re naked on a stranger’s bed is apparently a great way to meet new people!” Laughing at the expression on his face, she squeezed his hand, nodded a thank you to the bartender as she brought their drinks. “Don’t look so serious. It sounds like a sad story, but it was a long time ago.” 

Razz blinked, then shook his head, smiling in disbelief. Blue never ceased to amaze him. She pressed his shot into his hand, clinked hers against it. “Well? Drink up.” 

When they got back to the table, Marissa was holding up her phone, showing off a photo of a baby that couldn’t be more than a month old. “--and Graycie has been so excited to finally have another girl in the house, she can’t stop telling her friends about it.” Jace grinned at them as Razz and Blue approached, patting the seat beside themselves in a gesture to sit that didn’t interrupt their wife. 

Blue sat easily, and Razz took his seat beside her, watching as she cooed about the baby photo. “She’s getting so big! How’re your boys taking it?” 

“They’re tired of all the crying, but they dealt with it just fine when we had Graycie! They’ll get used to it.” Marissa said, turning the phone back around to admire the photo. 

Jace turned to Razz, smiling. “So how long have you and Blue known each other?” 

“Since high school,” he answered, aware of everyone’s eyes on him. “But we only got to be really good friends when we--” 

“They’re roommates,” Robyn said conspiratorially, and the others nodded. 

“Yeah,” he said, a little thrown, but Blue just patted his arm, grinning. 

“We didn’t get along when we first moved in together, but we went up to San Fran pride his first semester,” she said. “It was the best weekend, we got to know each other then. We’d only been living together for a few months, but he’d only just come out when he moved out, so it was a lot of fun. Showed him the ropes and all that.” 

He snorted, starting to relax. “I’d been to a pride before, just nothing that big. I have two dads,” he explained, “And they knew I liked women for about six years before they were informed that that actually meant I was straight.” 

Jace grinned, leaning back in their chair. “I hope they were supportive of that transition.” 

Laughing at the pun, Razz crossed one leg over the other. “Eventually.” 

“Are you in the same major as Blue?” Robyn asked, smiling at the jokes. 

“Yeah!” he said, glancing over at her, then back to Robyn. “I’m minoring in psychology, though. I’d always wanted to do something with kids, and I think that would be useful if I wanted to work as a dance teacher or do some kind of active therapy work!” 

“Oh, you like kids?” she asked, leaning forward and grinning at him. 

He smiled, nodding enthusiastically. “Yes! They’re just so full of potential, they say all the funniest things but you know that someday, they’re going to be adults, and it’s really just cool to think about it. Not to mention,” he said, nodding towards Marissa’s phone, “They’re cute as hell.” 

“Sounds like you’d make a great dad,” Robyn said, winking. “Very attractive quality in a man.” 

A little unsure if she was joking, he laughed, glanced at Blue to see her making a face at her friend. Before he could wave it off, Robyn laughed again, apparently catching sight of Blue’s expression. 

“Sorry, Blue, I know you’re not a fan.” 

Blue sat back, looking a little offended. “I like kids!” 

“Oh, really?” Jace sounded a little doubtful, and she gave them a long-suffering look. 

“Yeah! I don’t want to--” she glanced at Razz so quickly he almost thought he’d been mistaken. “--have any of my own, but I like kids just fine! They’re sweet!” 

Robyn groaned knowingly, sitting back with her drink in her hand. “Girl, I don’t blame you. Didn’t you have like a third-degree tear when you had your daughter?” 

Razz blinked, but Marissa didn’t acknowledge him as she made a face, leaning back in her chair. “I feel that. I had a fourth-degree with my first, and they’ve had to do C-sections on the other three. Honestly, I’m not sure which is worse.” 

“There’s other ways to have kids, if you want them,” Robyn said, then looked at Razz, opening her mouth before finally seeming to notice that he was looking at Blue in shock, her expression one of absolute horror. “Blue?” 

The table went quiet as she looked up, glancing at Razz and looking away quickly. “I… uh…” 

Razz swallowed, not quite sure what to say or do, in front of all these people he didn’t know. Before he could decide, Robyn jumped, her face going completely red. “I’m so sorry, did he not know--” 

“That I was pregnant?! No, Robyn, I don’t really--” her voice broke. “I don’t go around telling people that.” 

“Hey, it’s really none of my business,” he said quickly, reaching out for Blue’s hand. “You really don’t have to--” 

“She gave her up!” Robyn supplied, looking panicked. “She doesn’t just have like a secret kid she’s hiding somewhere. It was a while ago, when that horrible fucking asshole--” 

“I really don’t think she wants to tell me!” he said, holding up his hands. More quietly, to Blue, “Really, it’s okay. It’s not a big deal.”

Blue looked like she wanted to crawl under the table, nodding quickly in response to his assurance. Tears started to well up in her eyes as she stood up, still refusing to look at Razz as she said, “You know, I think I need to use the bathroom.” 

Without waiting for a response, she walked away, and Razz watched her go, feeling his chest constrict. 

Robyn stood up immediately, setting down her drink and patting Razz’s shoulder as she hurried past, following Blue into the bathroom. He suddenly realized that he was alone with the others, both looking embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” Jace said quietly. “Robyn is… a character. She’s never spoken a word that she thought about before it came out of her mouth.” 

Forcing a smile, Razz looked at them and Marissa. “It’s okay. Certainly not either of your faults. And I… don’t worry, I wouldn’t…” 

“I figured,” Marissa said, glanced sadly towards the bathrooms. “Blue said you were a good guy. I’ve been getting the feeling she needs a good person in her life.” 

Razz swallowed, then looked down at his lap. “I’m gonna go get a drink,” he finally said, and they both nodded, exchanging glances as he stood up. 

He was already a sip and a half into something mixed and sugary before he realized that this had been what Callie meant, when she’d said to ask Blue what had happened. God, she’d had a baby, and she’d never told him. But she’d told  _ Callie _ , who--

Sighing, he berated himself inwardly. Of course she’d told Callie. They’d been engaged. It was none of his business,  _ shouldn’t  _ be any of his business. He’d been telling the truth, though. Nothing could change the way he thought of Blue. He needed to make sure she knew that, too.

Something tapped his shoulder, and he turned around to see Blue herself, makeup a little smeared and eyes a little red, but she smiled at him. She climbed onto the stool next to his, and when she ordered a drink, her voice was clear. Razz glanced at the table to see Robyn retaking her seat, Marissa reaching out to smack her in the side of the head. 

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think…” Blue took a deep breath, and his eyes snapped back to her face. “You’ve always seen me as being...put-together, strong, whatever. I didn’t want to have to explain just how low it all went. And you already felt so bad about Tyler--”

“You still don’t have to,” he said as a drink was placed beside her. "Explain, I mean."

She took the straw, stirring the liquid slowly. After a moment, she said, “I will, if you want me to. That’s why I disappeared, right after it happened. I didn’t go to my parents’, I stayed with… there was this really nice couple I found online, they offered to let me stay with them until they could adopt her, and I just--”

“Blue,” he took her free hand, twined their fingers together and looked her in the eyes. “You don’t owe me anything, and I won’t think of you any differently, knowing this. You’re still the strongest person I know, and you’re certainly not… whatever you think you are. Damaged or ruined or whatever. You’re Blue. Same Blue I already know.”

She smiled, tears making her eyes shine again as she lifted their joined hands to her mouth, kissed his fingers. “The Blue you already know _is_ broken.” 

“No more or less for me knowing you had a baby,” he said carefully. “If it’s something you want to let out, I’m always willing to listen, but don't do it because you think I need to know it.”

“Okay. I just… thank you.” she glanced back at her friends, laughed wryly. “God, Robyn drives me insane sometimes. Can’t keep her mouth shut to save her life.”

Razz grinned, letting go of her hand to touch lightly at her knee. “You wanna head back over?” 

Blue smiled, and he thanked every god that might exist that she was still in front of him, despite everything she’d had to go through. 

“Sure.”


	15. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

“Are you sure about this?” Razz whispered as Blue dragged him along by one hand. She grinned back at him, and he couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Yeah, no one comes back here. One of the guys from my math class told me about it. I think it’s supposed to be some kind of study room, but it’s so tucked away that no one knows about it!”

Deciding not to ask why she’d been discussing secret makeout locations with a random guy in her class, Razz glanced behind him. They were in the university library, making their way quickly through the stacks. There were a few people in the study booths, bent over some assignment or another as they worked, but none paid much attention to them. He spotted Timothy at one, grinned as he let go of Blue’s hand and quickly walked over to his friend. 

“Hey, bro, whatchu workin’ on?” he asked in a deep voice, and Timothy jumped. 

“Fuck, man, don’t do that!” he half-whispered, glancing over at where Blue was impatiently waiting for him. “Where are you guys going?” 

“To study,” Razz said innocently, but Timothy didn’t quite look like he believed him. He shook his head, pointed to his computer. 

“Do you know what the fuck this is?” he asked, and Razz squinted at a string of polynomials. 

“Looks like some numbers to me, dude.”

“Thanks, that clears that up.” 

He laughed, then stood up straight as Blue gave him an impatient look. “Well, we’re gonna be late. Just wanted to stop by, see how you were doing.” 

“You’re gonna be late for studying?” Timothy asked, looking suspicious, and Blue interjected. 

“Group project. C’mon, Razz.” 

Razz ruffled Timothy’s hair, drawing out an outraged exclamation as he rejoined Blue. She grabbed his hand again, waved goodbye to Timothy as they started to walk away. 

“He suspects nothing,” he said self-assuredly. 

“You are the gayest straight guy I’ve ever met,” Blue said, tugging him into one of the rows of bookshelves. He could see a door at the end of the lane, grinned at the sight of it. 

“Something wrong with close male friendships?” 

“I never said being gay was an insult. Who’s homophobic now?” she shot back, but they were both grinning as she pulled open the door, peering through before flicking on the light and gesturing for Razz to precede her. 

It definitely looked like a study room. There was a whiteboard across one wall, a table and a few chairs, a garbage can in the corner. As she shut the door behind them, he noticed there was no lock on the door. His heart beat a little faster. 

Blue made a beeline for the table, hopping up and stripping off her shirt before making grabby hands at him. Laughing quietly, he went to her, picking her up just enough to scoot her back on the table. She kissed his neck as he unclipped her bra, and she shrugged it off, tossing it to the floor without breaking from her self-appointed task. 

Sighing, Razz wrapped his arms around her, laughing into her hair as she tipped back, laying down and bringing him into an awkward, half-leaning position that abruptly brought him face-to-face with her bare chest. He pressed his mouth to her sternum, then stood up straight. Pulling his shirt off, he commented, “I don’t have my dick, since you kidnapped me.” 

“Pft, that wasn’t a kidnapping!” she protested, accepting him easily back into her arms. “You came of your own free will. And you don’t need anything. God gave you fingers for a reason.” 

Razz paused, considering that with his tongue already halfway to her chest. “I feel like you shouldn’t be bringing God into this.” 

She snorted, pushing him back so that she could sit up, cupping his jaw in one hand. “Can I kiss you?” 

Heart fluttering, Razz nodded, starting to lean forward before the sound of the door opening had Blue yelping, clutching him to her to cover herself. Then she huffed, relaxing a little. “Jesus Christ, Timothy, you gave me a fucking heart attack!” 

Razz winced, looking over his shoulder with a sheepish grin to see his friend glaring at them, one hand on his hip. Timothy pointed at Blue, shaking his head. “You? Not subtle. What are you two, idiots?” His finger shifted to point at an upper corner of the room, and Razz looked up to see a security camera pointed straight at them. 

Blue swore. 

“Unless you two are trying to make a movie, I’d suggest not giving them a reason to expel your asses,” Timothy commented dryly. 

Exchanging a glance with Blue, Razz realized his pants had fallen a little low on his hips, pulled them up to a more appropriate place as he asked Timothy, “How’d you know there was a camera in here?” 

He grinned. “I’m about half the reason they put it in, asshats.”

“You’ve had sex in here?” Blue asked, making a face. 

“Right where you’re sitting.” 

“Gross,” Razz commented, and Timothy stepped forward to smack him on the arm. 

“You are not in any position to be judging.” 

They all just stood there for a minute, and Blue shifted against him, leaning her head into his neck as she looked at Timothy. “You here for a show or something? I need to put my shirt on.” 

Timothy scoffed. “If anyone should be leaving, it’s him. At least I can control myself.”

Shrugging, Blue let go of Razz, leaning back and over to reach for her bra, and Timothy shrieked, covering his eyes and backing up through the door. As it slammed closed, she snickered. 

“You’re gonna kill him,” Razz said, reaching around to help her with the clasp. She laughed again as he grabbed their shirts, and as he handed hers over, he grabbed her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. 

Smiling, she shifted her hand to cup his face, smoothing a thumb over the skin and making a face. “You’re all stubbly!” 

“Yeah?”

“You were gonna eat me out like that?!” 

He snorted, then seized her face, rubbing his cheek against hers as she laughed. “It’s not so bad!” Switching to the other side, he heard her breaking down into giggles, trying unsuccessfully to escape the trap. “See, here, feel--” 

Finally succeeding in pulling back, Blue kissed him on the mouth, holding her shirt between them. She smiled against his lips, unable to keep a straight face, then kissed him again. 

Razz could feel himself melting into her, jumping as Timothy pounded on the door. 

“You guys better not be back at it!” 

~~~

Razz grinned as he practically ran into the kitchen, hurrying up to Blue and throwing his arms around her from behind. She jumped, looking over her shoulder from where she was setting her stuff down and huffing at him. She’d been gone all day after classes, and he’d had absolutely nothing to do, since he didn’t want to work on homework. 

Seemingly despite herself, she smiled at him, turning around in his hold to return the hug. “Aw, did someone get bored without me?” 

“ _ Yes _ ,” he said, with passion. “I’m so glad you came home, I was worried you’d never come back.” 

She laughed, pulling away and shrugging off her backpack. “What are you, a nervous puppy? Tell you what, since you’ve been so excited, I’ll let you make dinner for both of us.” 

Grinning, Razz pulled his phone out of his back pocket, connecting it to the bluetooth speaker they had sitting on the counter. “I want some music. What are you feeling?” 

“I have no opinion,” she said, leaning back against the counter and smiling at him as he just hit shuffle and put his phone away, pulling a pan out from the cabinet and starting to fill it with water while he let himself jam out to the beat. 

Dancing his way over to the stove, he heard her laugh at him. He grinned over his shoulder as he started the pan boiling, then reached for pasta and sauce. Joining him, she pulled a bag of frozen meatballs out of the freezer, slapping them down next to him and singing along to the chorus. 

She was a terrible singer, and he laughed at her, briefly mimicking her warbling pitch before she smacked him, grabbing his hands and continuing to dance.

“You have a good day?” he asked laughingly, and she nodded, not pausing in her motions. “Nice.” 

That particular bit of wisdom successfully delivered, he let go of her to salt the water, and she bounced out of the kitchen, presumably to put away her backpack and get changed. He could still hear her singing from two rooms away, the words turning to more of a jumble as the song changed to one she didn’t know.

A few minutes passed, and the water came up to a boil just as she came back into the room, leaning back against the counter and watching him as he dropped in pasta, giving it a quick stir before the song changed again, this time to a song with a deep beat and provocative lyrics. 

“Ohoho,” Razz said, rolling his shoulders repeatedly. 

“Stop.” 

“Stop what?” he asked, getting his hips into the motion. “I’m just dancing.” 

“ _ Badly _ , Razz, c’mon, you’re going to school for this.” Blue was laughing behind her hand, clearly far more entertained than she wanted to pretend. 

In response, Razz rolled his hips again, then danced over to her, trying unsuccessfully to grab her hands, get her to dance with him. She just shook her head, smiling widely and sticking them between her back and the counter. Well then. He turned around, leaning back and rolling his body against her. 

Blue burst into laughter, then half-heartedly protested as his hands went to the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling it off and swinging it a few times over his head. After he tossed it gallantly into the corner, he went back to dancing, turning around so that he was facing her again, dropping into a crouch and bouncing back up, making her laugh loudly again. 

He leaned forward, mouthing the lyrics, something about sex and something called boom, and she put her hand over his mouth, pushing him back and away from her with a grin. Shaking it off, he dropped again, but didn’t quite so gracefully get himself standing as he lost his balance, nearly falling into her before she caught him. She was still laughing, hands on his shoulders, eyes lit up with humor.

“Geez, razz, I love you, but--!” 

Blue’s smile froze as they both computed what she had just said. His eyes widened in shock, but before he could say anything, he heard the sizzle of the pan boiling over. Pulling away, he took the distraction, turning the stove fan on and trying to process what had just happened. He couldn’t quite look at her, couldn’t quite dare to hope--

“I am so sorry,” Blue whispered, and he looked back to see that she looked like she’d been punched in the gut. “I don’t know why I--Please don’t freak out.” 

Pushing the pan off the burner, Razz turned off the heat. Looked down at the stove before turning around, searching for words. They just looked at each other for a long moment, then he realized that she looked like she was on the edge of bursting into tears. With a soft sigh, he turned off the music and stepped towards her, gathering her into a hug and holding her tightly. “You don’t have to apologize.” He wanted to pull away, but didn’t think he could handle a bad expression crossing her face as he asked, “Did you mean it?”

She inhaled shakily, then did it again, and he knew she was still trying not to cry. He didn’t know why he wasn’t just… telling her, but--

“I-I don’t want to lose you, I can just… nothing has to change, I didn’t mean to--”

Razz laughed nervously, finally crashing full-force into the realization of what she had just said. All at once, he carded his fingers through her hair, pulling away just enough to cut her off with a kiss. They connected hard, and he held her to him harder, emotions rushing through him faster than he could process. 

As the kiss broke, Blue let out a rush of breath, leaned into his hand as they looked at each other. “That’s not what I asked,” Razz said softly, feeling fear and elation and joy and terror and hope all rising up in equal measure. “Blue, did you mean it?”

She looked absolutely terrified, but after a few seconds, shakily nodded. 

The next kiss was softer, lips brushing together before Razz pulled back, cupping her chin with a smile. “Pretty stupid of us, to fall in love with each other. I thought we made a deal.” 

“Oh, fuck the deal,” she said, arms going around his neck as she pulled him in for another kiss, then another, and another, longer each time as she started to smile. “Stop being...coy…”

He grinned against her mouth, and she suddenly pulled away, seeming to come to a horrible realization. “Really, Razz. If you’re pretending for me, you don’t have to. I can do this and keep being with you without you having to feel the same way back, I decided weeks ago. I really can.” 

Weeks ago, huh? God, they were both so stupid. He laughed, shook his head, kissed her again. “I am absolutely hopeless for you, Blue. I had decided to do the same thing.” 

“The same thing?” 

“That I could be in love with you without saying anything, because just having you was enough.” She laughed shakily, then covered her eyes, and her breath caught, and he realized she’d started crying anyway. He felt his own tears starting to form, happiness welling up in his stomach and pouring over as he picked her up, setting her on the counter and feeling her legs wrap around him. 

“I love you, Razz,” she said again, very quietly, and he started crying for real, leaning into her neck and feeling her run her fingers through his hair. 

“What do we--” he choked on his own spit, laughed as she lifted his face, clearing his throat and trying again. “I mean, should we… eat dinner? Watch a movie, make out? I don’t--” 

“Can you fuck me first?” she asked jokingly, and he laughed, kissed her again through the tears, combed her hair out of her face. She was so beautiful, laughing through the happy tears in her eyes, and he just suddenly couldn’t contain it. 

“Blue, I love you so much. I think I’ve loved you for a really long time.”

She smiled, looking a little embarrassed. “It’s pretty new for me. I… I usually don’t date men, for the most part they’re…” she made a face, looked away. “That’s not important. I didn’t even let myself think about it for a long time, but then you just… I couldn’t get you out of my mind, and I just wanted to be with you all the time, and I kept wanting to kiss you, and it felt like maybe I should risk it, but you were too important to me, you’ve been too important to me for so long…” 

“It’s okay,” he said, smiling. 

They just looked at each other for a long moment, then they both laughed, Razz reaching up to push the tears out of his eyes. Blue kissed his forehead, grinned at him as he looked up. “Look at us. What an absolute mess.” 

“Eh, you know me. Wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

She laughed at that, then tipped her head to one side, seeming to be searching for words. “Really though, Razz, can food wait? I… I want--”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation, trying to pick her up and nearly dropping her. She laughed, kissed him again. 

“God, I love you so much.”


	16. i barely understand sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what is this, a smut chapter that actually has important plot in it?? canceled

She started kissing him again before they even made it to her door, hands wandering his body and tightening into his clothes. Misjudging where the door was, Razz slammed her back against it, starting to apologize but unable to even get a word out as she pulled him against her. 

They’d never done this before, never kissed until they were both gasping. He couldn’t quite catch his breath, wasn’t sure he really cared to if it meant he had to pull away from her, and he struggled with the handle for a long moment before she snickered, locking a hand around his jaw and twisting it herself. She pulled him in after her, and he kicked the door shut, picking her up as she let go of him and tossing her onto her mattress. 

Bursting into laughter, Blue caught herself before she could bounce back onto the floor. “What’s gotten into you?” 

“You,” Razz said breathily, leaning over her and trying to kiss her again, kissing her hand instead when she pressed it over his mouth. His next word was muffled. “Love.”

“Love, huh? Turning you into a fool?” 

He grinned, kissed her wrist, twined their fingers together for a moment. “All you, baby. You make me a fool.” 

“Oh my god,” she laughed at him, but she reached for her hem, pulling her shirt over her head and reaching for him. Groaning into the kiss, Razz leaned forward. He felt her tongue slip into his mouth. Reaching around her back, he undid the clasp to her bra, felt her shrug it off and reach for his belt. 

Laughing as she yanked it out of the loops, he smoothed a thumb over her chin, pressing back against her as he murmured, “This is fogging up my whole brain.” 

“Mmm,” Blue hummed, kissing him quickly and taking one of his hands to place it on her bare chest, reaching for his hair with her free hand as she continued. “Not yet.” 

Trapped against her mouth, Razz felt his breath shortening again. He couldn’t have cared less as she pulled at his hair, but he yelped when he felt his belt smack the side of his leg, pulling back as Blue snickered. “Blue…” 

“What?” 

He shook his head, laughing again, and she grinned, tossing the belt into a corner of the room and tugging him to lay beside her on the bed, pushing not-so-gently until he was in the position she wanted him. Throwing a leg over his waist, she leaned down to kiss him again. Hands started wandering, and Razz went from her soft skin to the button of her pants, making short work of the zipper and pulling them down just far enough to grab her ass. She faltered, then snickered, shimmying the pants down a little further and reaching back to adjust his hand as she went back to kissing him. 

Grinning against her mouth, Razz slid the hand down to hook around her knee. He gave a sharp tug, and she half-fell into him, having to stop kissing him for a moment in order to just laugh. Smiling, he wrapped his arms around her, just holding her to him for a little while as the sound of her giggling filled the room. Slowly, she regained control of herself, pecking a kiss to his shoulder before pushing herself up to stand in front of him. “This is going great,” she said as she tugged her pants off, and he snorted. 

Kicking the clothes into a corner, she climbed back onto the mattress, and he sat up to meet her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She only kissed him once on the mouth before tossing her hair out of the way, shifting her lips to his neck. Starting softly, he groaned as she began to leave hickeys, teeth occasionally pressing to his skin just hard enough to make his breath catch. 

“You should sit on my face,” he gasped, and she pulled back in surprise as he let himself fall backwards into the bed. 

“What?” 

“Please?” he asked, in a voice he knew she couldn’t say no to. Stretching his arms above his head, he pressed his wrists together. “Get the handcuffs, just fucking use me.” 

She swore under her breath, staring down at him in amazement. “Use you, huh?” Sitting up straight on her knees, she worked her thumbs into the hem of her panties, tugged them down just enough to make him stare. Then she grinned, letting go with one hand and leaning back to pull open the drawer to her nightstand. The handcuffs came out first, then, to his surprise, his strap. She considered it for a moment, then glanced down at him with a smile. “Grabbed it earlier when I came in to get dressed.” 

“Aw, have you been thinking of me all--?” his voice cut off completely as she stuck out her tongue, drawing it up the side of the silicone before tossing it onto the bed to grab the handcuffs. 

“I’ve been wanting you to fuck me since you walked past me this morning in a damn towel,” she hissed, leaning over him to secure his wrists together with the red leather. Then she grabbed his chin, tilting his head back as she applied pressure to his hands. “But your tongue almost sounds better than your dick. These stay where they are, okay?” 

Unable to use his voice, he just nodded, watching as she pulled her underwear down, leaning forward to tug it off completely and throwing it after the rest of her clothes. He kissed at what he could reach before she sat up, scooting up to sit lightly against his chest. “This okay?” 

“Great. I’m fine,” he choked out, and she grinned. 

Then she leaned forward, and he lifted his head, flicking his tongue against her and making her jerk a little. She was swollen, and he kissed her clit harshly. Blue could take a lot, and he lived for finding that limit, pulling his tongue along her slit and sucking her into his mouth. He hummed, and she moaned, one hand tangling into his hair and pulling. “Stick out your tongue.” 

He swirled around her once, savoring the taste, then obeyed, leaving his mouth open and tongue lolling out. Grinding against him lightly, she let go of his hair to sit up straight. He felt her hands propping against his chest, keeping her upright as she moved. 

After a few seconds, he couldn’t keep still anymore and lifted his face, sealing his mouth around her and sucking hard before she pushed him off, laughing breathlessly. “Fuck, baby…” He groaned, sticking out his tongue again, and she let him go back to work, sitting up a little to force him back against the bed. 

Moving his whole face against her, he hummed again, then closed his eyes. She was gorgeous, shaking above him, but he wanted to enjoy the little twitches of her hips, the taste of her against his tongue, the sound of her moans that were pitching higher with every second. “God, Razz, you fucking--” she had to catch her breath, and he redoubled his efforts. “--you’re so fucking good at this,  _ shit _ .” 

More than a little proud of himself, he slipped his tongue inside her, then smeared that slick up to her clit, finding a rhythm there before he repeated the pattern. This was a motion that had worked on her more than once, and sure enough, she started tightening on his tongue, hand slipping against his chest as he finally just moved against her clit. He opened his eyes as she jerked forward, letting out a half-laughing moan when he didn’t stop what he was doing. 

“Holy… shit, Ra-azz--” her body curled back, and she pulled out of reach, shakily letting herself fall to one side as she caught her breath. Razz grinned, realizing how covered in slick his mouth and chin were as she smiled over at him. “Didn’t mean to cum,” she said breathlessly, and he jokingly rolled his eyes. 

“What, like that’s the only time you will?”

She laughed, scooting herself down so she could stand. Wobbly for a second, she steadied herself against the mattress, then leaned over him, seeming to consider his face as she unbuttoned his pants. 

“Kiss me,” she said, and he lifted his head to meet her, feeling her tongue run along his lips to taste herself. He grunted as she yanked his pants down, one of her hands going between his legs to rub at him over his underwear. 

“You gonna ride me?” he asked against her mouth, and she just moaned in confirmation before she stood up straight, considering the way he was laid out in front of her. “Do you need me to get up so you can--?”

“No,” she said, tugging at the waistband of his underwear and ridding him of both more easily than he would’ve predicted. Pushing his legs apart, she leaned between them, kissing his stomach, then his chest, jumping to his mouth. She pressed their bodies together as she caught his bottom lip between her teeth, then touched one of his arms, stroking one thumb over his skin as she sighed. 

“I love you,” she whispered, and he grinned through hazy eyes. 

“Feels different hearing that with our clothes off.” 

“Good or bad?” 

“Good. Definitely good.” 

“Hm. Then I guess I should keep saying it,” she said with a smile. She kissed him once more, then stood back up, grabbing his strap and pulling the attachments apart before tapping his hip in a prompt to lift. He obeyed, and she wrapped it around him, re-binding everything and pulling the leading ends tight. 

Blue climbed back onto him as she grabbed it by the dick, grinding the base against him and making him whine. Her legs to either side of his body, she asked, “What do you think, Razz?” 

“You’re fucking perfect,” came his instant response, and she laughed, seeming genuinely surprised. 

“I meant what do you want me to do?” she clarified, and he snickered. 

“I thought you were in charge, here. I didn’t sign up to make decisions.”

She gave him a long-suffering look, but couldn’t quite keep herself from smiling. “Keep this up and see what decisions I make, I dare you.”

Laughing, he watched her sit back against the strap, rubbing the tip against her clit before pressing it just barely inside. She took a deep breath, then bottomed out all at once, jerking back up a few centimeters before pushing herself back down. Her breathing was shaky, and his eyes hooded as she let herself relax around the girth. 

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, and she jumped a little, opening one eye to peer at him. “I love looking at you, watching you fuck yourself on me,” he continued, and she sighed, her expression urging him to keep going. His hands raised the tiniest bit before he remembered her command, pressed them back into the mattress as she started to move. “I love you so much,” he sighed, chin lifting as she ground gently forward. “You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, I can’t believe you would be--”

“Don’t you dare say it,” she gasped out, starting to move, fingers circling. “Don’t you dare say that like I’m better than you.” She leaned forward, moaning at the change in angle, kissed him harshly and left her face pressed to the side of his. “God, Razz…”

He moaned softly as she kept hitting him in the right place, basking in the sound of her breathing and the feeling of her skin against his. He could smell her conditioner from her hair being so close to his face, see the lines of her back laid out in front of him, and he smiled, turning into her cheek and pressing a kiss there. 

“I love you,” he said, and, without asking, lifted his arms, looping them around her back and holding her to him as he kissed her again. “I’m lu-ucky as hell.”

She laughed, turning so they were face-to-face. “Do what you’re told.” Razz grinned at that. 

“Make me.” 

~~~

The volume was down, movie nearing its end as Blue curled into his chest. His shirt was still in some corner of the kitchen, and she’d only bothered to put on underwear and a button-up stolen from his closet, just grabbing a blanket and cuddling into him on the couch. 

The pot of water had gone completely cold by the time they’d come back out, so Razz had reheated it, getting dinner finished as Blue picked out a movie. He hadn’t been able to stop smiling at her as he’d handed her the plate, stealing kisses that tasted like spaghetti until she was laughing, threatening him with her fork if he didn’t let her finish her food. 

Their plates were on the side table, now, and he could feel her head on his chest, his eyelids starting to sag as he stroked her hair. 

“Razz?” 

He started, realized the credits were rolling. “Sorry,” he said blearily, reaching for the remote. 

“No, no, I just… wanted to ask you something,” she said, and he turned off the TV, scooting down the couch into a more comfortable position. 

“Yeah?” 

“Are we defining ourselves, now?” She looked calm, propping her elbow on his chest and her chin in her hand. Her fingers traced his skin, and he was distracted for a long moment. 

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve been working off this idea that we don’t need a label. That it was more than just sex but not quite… a relationship. Has that changed?” 

He hesitated, not sure what answer she was looking for. “Do you want it to?”

“I asked you first,” she laughed. “But I don’t think I mind, either way. I still love you, trust that you love me. If I’m comfortable talking to you, then I don’t think we’d need labels, and I am. But I certainly wouldn’t mind calling you my…” 

As she trailed off, he smiled. “You sure you want a boyfriend? I know this is already hard for you.” 

She scoffed. “If it’s you? Of course.” 

Just kind of smiling at her for a long moment, Razz almost forgot to answer. “I love you.” She looked at him impatiently, and he snickered. “Sorry, yes. I actually think I… if you really are okay with it, I’d like to define this. I want to belong to you.” 

“This is a two-way street, hon,” she said, her voice soft. “I’m yours, too. Dating it is.” 

She lay down a little further, cuddling into him, then abruptly jumped as Razz erupted into disbelieving giggles. Accusingly, she looked up at him. “What?” 

“I’m dating Blue. Bailey freakin’ Serif!” 

She snorted. “My middle name is actually Azure, though I’m sure that would be much funnier.” 

Starting, he tightened his hold on her, looking down in sudden shocked realization. “Is that where the hair color came from?!” 

Blue laughed, shaking her head long-sufferingly. “The nickname came first, and the spite came second. Some punk freshman named Adrian at our high school made fun of me in a spanish class, so I came to class with blue hair and then liked it and never stopped. My parents just about killed me.”

Raising a brow, Razz started to laugh. “Was the punk kid a 6’2 black guy? And he got detention once for telling the spanish teacher that his sister knew better ‘mexican’ than him even though she wasn’t even from mexico?” She looked at him in surprise, and he grinned. “You should meet my brother. I think you’d like him.” 

Snorting, she lay back down, and they were both quiet for a moment before she said, “I love you too, by the way. Pretty big fan of you.” 

“Name three of my albums,” he said, and she smacked him lightly. 

“Alright,” she sighed, sitting up slowly and stretching. “I think that’s a sign that we need to go to bed. You wanna sleep together?” 

He made a face, crossing himself out of order. “I’m waiting for marriage.” 

Rolling her eyes, she stood, stealing the blanket and starting to walk out of the room. “Well, I’m grabbing my pillow and I’m sleeping in your room.”

“Technically, I didn’t say yes,” he laughed, and she stuck her head back around the corner. 

“You belong to me, remember? Pretty sure you said that specifically.” 

Grinning, he got up, grabbing his shirt from the kitchen floor before jogging into his room. “Not if I lock the door!” 

“Don’t you dare!”


	17. Can you tell i like behavioral psychology?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapter before the epilogue!

Timothy adjusted his position on the couch, chewing slowly on his pen as he read over the list of questions. “Positive reinforcement.” 

“That’s when you add in a thing that the thing likes,” Razz said. He was laying back against the arm of the couch, legs across Timothy’s lap and arm thrown over his eyes. 

“It has to change behavior, doesn’t matter if they like it,” Timothy said, and Razz sighed. 

“That’s what I said.”

“No you didn’t. You can’t assume that something you think is a positive experience is actually reinforcement, it doesn’t count unless it’s motivating enough to make the behavior you don’t want decrease. What’s negative reinforcement?” 

“When you take a thing away that makes the behavior change,” he said, enunciating the end of the sentence. Finals were starting next week, and behavioral psychology had never been his favorite. Timothy had taken it before him, though, and apparently passed with flying colors, so he was helping Razz study. 

Timothy was quiet for a long moment, and Razz lifted his arm to see the other looking at him doubtfully. “Give me an example.” 

Making a face, Razz said, “It’s like when I cross to the other side of the street when I see you coming. It’s negative because I'm removing the interaction with you and it’s reinforcement because once it works, I’m more likely to use it again in the future.” 

Grinning, Timothy said, “I think I’d just follow you to the other side of the road.” 

“Now, that’s positive punishment. Eradicate the behavior of me seeing your punk ass.” 

“That would not be the behavior in that example, that would be the consequence. It might discourage you from--” Razz’s bedroom door opened, emitting a yawning Blue. She peered at them for a moment, and Timothy glanced back, slowly trailing off as his brows rose. 

Blue ignored him completely, in the process of tying one of Razz’s shirts into a crop top as she came into the kitchen. Her hair was wild, falling out of her bun, and she, for some reason, hadn’t thought to put on the pair of her shorts he knew were folded on top of his dresser. Timothy coughed, and she finally looked at them, squinting. “What?” 

“You’re in your underwear,” Razz supplied, and she made a face. 

“Yeah? Timothy doesn’t care. Do you care, Tim?” 

“Not really,” Timothy said, and Blue nodded to herself, shoving coffee into the machine and pressing start. Starting to snicker, Timothy turned back to the book, but not before waggling his brows at Razz. 

A little embarrassed, he rolled his eyes, and Blue wandered into her own room as Timothy started to look over the questions again. “Blue!” Razz called before the door shut, and she stuck her head around the corner with a disgruntled look. He huffed good-naturedly, then gestured at his own door. “Your shorts are on the dresser.” 

“Hmph. I’ll get ‘em later.” She disappeared again, and Timothy laughed. 

“Hopefully she’ll be more of a human when she comes back out,” Razz half-whispered. “She was up pretty late last night.” 

“Oh, I’ll bet she was,” Timothy said suggestively, and Razz laughed. 

“Not like  _ that _ .” 

“Pretty sure that was your shirt she was wearing, dude. No need to defend yourself.” 

Razz snorted, waving a hand dismissively. “She just takes those. I knew you were gonna be here early, I went to bed at a good time. Blue was playing Minecraft and woke me up at 2am getting into bed.” 

“Wow,” Timothy said dryly. “That’s hot.” 

“I know, right?” He sighed happily, then coughed deeply as it came out a little more wistful than he’d intended. 

Snorting, Timothy glanced over his shoulder, then back at Razz. “You ever think that’s a little… not-casual? I’ve had a few friends with benefits and I usually don’t sleep over unless I’ve just gotten laid.” 

“Maybe a little,” Razz said, grinning and propping his hands behind his head. “But that’s alright, since she’s my girlfriend and all.” 

Timothy just smiled, shaking his head and turning the quiz sheet over. A little put out, Razz frowned and nudged him with one foot, and Timothy looked at him long-sufferingly. “What’s the appropriate amount of surprise you’d like me to display?” 

“What?” 

“Keep in mind, a level five means screaming and hugging both you and blue at the same time. Might pinch someone’s cheeks. Can’t promise which set.” 

Razz frowned, folding his arms across his chest. “Did Blue already tell you?” 

“Nah, man,” he said, “But it was pretty obvious it was gonna happen sooner or later. Even before you were sleeping together I was pretty sure you liked her. What’s even different about dating her?” 

“A lot of kissing.” Razz said consideringly. “And saying I love her. She just kind of sleeps in my room now, and last time we went grocery shopping, we--” 

Laughing, Timothy cut him off. “I don’t actually need details. Rhetorical question, man.” 

They sat in silence for a few seconds, and Razz smiled as he heard Blue swear from the other room. “I’m the happiest I’ve been in… ever. This is really something else.” 

“I’ll admit, I hope you guys make it,” Timothy said, grinning. 

“Me too.” 

Razz’s phone went off, and he grunted, lifting his hips to fish his phone out of his back pocket. Yelping, Timothy kneed him in the back of the leg, and Razz apologized quickly as he turned the screen on. He spared a moment to smile at his lockscreen, one of the photos they’d taken at the hotel so long ago, and clicked the notification. 

Immediately, he slapped the phone to his chest, face burning as his eyes went wide. 

“What?” Timothy asked, looking at him in concern. 

God, he was gonna kill Blue.

His phone went off again, and he and Timothy just looked at each other for a long moment. “...you gonna get that?” 

Slowly, he lifted the screen, taking in the photo of Blue, hair still a little bedraggled, but smirking at the camera. It was a photo taken in a mirror,and she was kneeling on her bed, his shirt pulled up to her neck and wearing a strappy garter belt to apparently make up for her lack of any other clothing. He looked at the text just under it, letting out a disbelieving laugh at the message. 

“It’s Blue,” he said, pursing his lips and looking up at his friend. “She said to ask if you want some coffee.” 

“Tell her yes,” Timothy snorted, and Razz grinned, sending her his response. Just as he went to respond to the photo, her door opened, and she emerged. She was still in his shirt, but it was french-tucked into a pair of jeans, and her hair was a little smoother. 

Breathing out a sigh of relief, she went to the finished coffee machine, getting down the cups and starting to pour as Timothy asked, “Razz, what’s shaping?”

“It’s where you like… reward them in smaller steps. Give them little things to do in a certain order and train them one at a--.” 

“Timothy, do you want creamer?” Blue asked. 

He looked up, peering at her suspiciously. “What kind do you have?” 

“French Vanilla, Caramel Mocha, and uhh… Razz, do you think the Pumpkin Spice is still good?” 

Razz gave Timothy a disbelieving look, then slowly sat up to peer over the top of the couch. “It’s fucking April, why is that still in there?!” 

Snorting, she tossed it in the garbage, and Timothy shook his head. “Can I have vanilla?” 

“Razz?” 

“Mocha, please. Thank you.” 

“One of you is gonna have to come get yours,” she said, starting to pour, and Timothy groaned, pushing off Razz’s legs and heaving himself to his feet. Blue handed him the creamer as he approached, then picked up hers and Razz’s cups. He made grabby hands as she approached, still leaning over the back of the couch, and she snorted again. Handing the cup over and leaning down, she accepted his kiss to her cheek, starting to drink her coffee as his hand found her hip. He could feel the straps of the garter belt, smiled despite himself to learn she was still wearing it. 

“I like your outfit,” he murmured. 

“Thanks,” she grinned, leaned an elbow to the back of the couch. “You should see me out of it.” 

“You guys wanna quit being gay while I’m in the room? Razz, you need to study.” Timothy appeared, making a gagging noise and sitting on Razz’s legs. “Blue, are you gonna distract him?” 

Blue, in the middle of combing Razz’s hair out of his face with her fingers, started as she heard her name. She looked at Timothy guiltily. “No.” 

“Yeah, sure. Alright, cuddle up, let’s go. You get to learn this shit too.” 

Slowly, she circled the couch, tucking herself behind Razz and effectively trapping him between the two of them. She took another drink of her coffee, fingers going back to their stroking as Razz put his head in her lap. “Can I have my legs back?” he asked Timothy. 

“Not until we finish.” 

~~~

The lights of the city sparkled below them, everything silent except for the low rumble of Razz’s truck. Blue had her head leaned against the window, watching the night sky with a soft smile as Razz took them up the side of a rolling hill. There were a few houses up here, but it was mostly unpopulated. 

Razz had caught Blue on her way into the house after classes, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her deeply. She’d laughed, asked what he was doing, and he’d told her to close her eyes, leading her out to the truck so that she didn’t see the pile of blankets and pillows in the bed. He was headed for a spot he’d been a few times before, a tucked-away ledge with a beautiful view. 

As he made the turn, backing into the pullout and slowing to a stop, Blue sat up, looking at him with raised eyebrows. “Are we like… parking?” 

He looked at the transmission, now shifted into park. “Yes?” 

“No, I mean like… high school.  _ Parking _ .” 

Laughing, he just shook his head, opening his door and hopping out of the truck before leaning over, giving her a proud smile. “Come look at this.” 

He shut his door, jogging past the bed and dropping the tailgate. Hearing Blue close her door, he stood aside proudly, hands on his hips. 

“Hey, if you brought me out here to kill me, I'd just like to thank you for doing it before the performance tomorrow. I don’t--” she came to an abrupt stop as she saw the setup, reaching out slowly to touch the end of the pile of blankets. Smiling softly, she glanced at him. “Is this your mattress?” 

“Maybe.” 

She laughed, then reached for him, wrapping him in a one-armed hug. “This is so sweet, Razz. Thank you.” 

“Hang on,” he said, squeezing her tightly and reaching for a little box he’d taped to the floor of the cab. As he pushed the button, the fairy lights attached to it lit up, and Blue gasped. 

“Well, this is magical. Fuck.” 

“Thank you!” he said proudly, then pressed a kiss to her cheek. “You need help getting up?” 

After boosting her, he climbed up himself, quickly popping open the cab’s back window to grab the container he’d hidden in the backseat. “Women like fruit, right?” he asked as he turned around, sitting next to her. 

She looked at him in confusion. “What kind of question--ohoho  _ yes _ !” 

Grinning, he handed over a tupperware of fruit snacks, then reached back in for the thermos he’d stored inside. “Someone ordered a chai latte for the most beautiful woman in the world.” 

“I  _ love  _ you.” 

He smiled, getting out his own snacks and wrapping his arm around her. “I love you too.” 

Kissing him quickly, she snuggled into his chest, and he grabbed one of the blankets to throw over them. They were quiet for a while, watching the city lights. Occasionally, she would hand up one of her fruit snacks, but Razz was mostly just enjoying his goldfish, smoothing his thumb over her arm. She smelled nice, like the new conditioner she’d gotten a few days before. Crickets chirped, and every so often, a car passed on the road a few meters behind them. 

After a while, Blue set the tupperware aside, wrapping both arms around him and tucking her face into the crook of his shoulder. He felt her lips on his skin, then she asked, “Is there a special occasion I’m missing?” 

“Nah,” he answered, fingers still carding through her hair. “Just wanted to get out of the house, heard the sky was supposed to be clear tonight. Thought I might as well bring you with me.” She snorted, touched his cheek to get him to tilt his face down so she could kiss him, a chaste peck followed by a wide smile.He kissed her cheek with a laugh, “What?”

“Nothing. Just… I can actually see this going somewhere. I don’t usually think that.”

Despite his heart hammering happily in his chest, Razz just nodded, considering that very seriously. “The next mountain over. You’re right, I think the view would be better from there.”

She snorted, then kissed him again, fingers on his face and eyes meeting his as she murmured, “I like this view just fine.” 

Huffing, he tried to cover his embarrassment by kissing her. She pressed back, wrapping her arms tightly around him, and he felt a well of emotion swelling through his chest. 

“I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth, sweetheart,” he said as she pulled away. He hoped she could tell just how much he meant it. “Or just right here.” 

“Don’t you want a little more adventure than that?” she asked jokingly, but he shook his head. 

“You are the adventure.” Taking her hand, he pressed a kiss to her palm, then one to her wrist. “This is. We are.” 

“Well, now you’re just being cheesy,” she said, but she leaned into him, kissing him long and sweet. Razz felt himself tearing up a little as they broke apart, tilting his head and smiling at her. 

“I love you, Blue. That’s an adventure I’m looking forward to living.”

She looked at him, not quite smiling, but he could see the happiness in her eyes. Kissing away a tear that spilled over his cheek, she searched his face, apparently liking what she saw. 

“Yeah,” Blue said, starting to smile. “I think I’m gonna marry you.”


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thirteen Years Later
> 
> the end of the story is never really the end :)

_ Thirteen years later _

Razz threw open the door to Blue’s office, grinning at her as she jumped and looked up at him in confusion. This was her first day back at her studio after a very long and very needed vacation, but she didn’t look particularly surprised to see him. “Hey, you wanna maybe not scare me to death? I didn’t expect you until lunchtime, what are you--” 

“I got a call,” he interrupted, grinning widely. 

She just looked at him for a long moment, then her face cleared, smiling with nervous excitement. “We got approved?!”

“We got approved!” 

Laughing, Blue jumped out of her chair, rushing to him and hugging him tightly as he bounced in place, unable to contain himself any longer. “You still need to meet her!” he said, pulling back to seize her face and kiss her hard. “I know you’re gonna like her, though, she reminds me so much of you.”

She was still smiling, but her voice was cautious as she said, “Don’t get too excited, Razz, I’m willing to meet her, and I’m willing to give fostering a shot, but--”

“I know!” He smiled, kissed her again. “I know. But even if you don’t want to have her stay with us the entire next few years, it’ll give her time to find other family, and we can say that we tried. I love you so much.” The last part burst out of him, and she smiled, starting to say something before he was kissing her again. “Thank you for giving it a chance.” 

“Of course. This is a good solution. I’m glad you--”

There was a knock at her open office door, and they looked to see Timothy grinning at them. He was wearing a baseball tee tucked into his jeans, and there was a wrapped box in his hand. Razz could vaguely make out the ‘Just Married’ tag, and his and Blue’s names. “Honeymoon was that good, huh? Your secretary told me to come on back.” 

“It was amazing. Razz’s parents paid for it,” Blue said with a wink. They didn’t let go of each other, but Timothy didn’t seem surprised by that, snorting and setting the box down on Blue’s desk. 

“Cameron wanted me to drop this by, now that you’re back, tell you he was sorry for not being able to make it to the wedding.”

“How is he doing?” Razz asked as Blue let him go, handing him over to Timothy’s hug. 

“Feeling a lot better now that he’s done with chemo. It’s completely gone, we couldn’t be more--” he cut himself off, let Razz go to seize his left hand. “I thought you guys were gonna get new rings?! Upgrade now that you’re actually married?” 

Razz scoffed, tugging his hand away and nodding at his wife. “Blue replaced hers!” 

“Why didn’t you--” 

“He couldn’t get that one off his finger,” Blue said, starting to rip open the package and grinning at the two of them. “We tried everything, but it’s not budging.” 

“Hey, I’ve been wearing it for a decade. This was bound to happen, it’s melded to me,” Razz joked. “Besides, being married isn’t that different than being engaged.”

Before Timothy could say anything, Blue gasped. “Aw, Tim, thank you! Tell Cam he did good letting you pick out the gift!” She held up a very lacy piece of the cloth just long enough for Razz to see it. “Razz, I think this is for you.” 

Razz snorted, but she grinned at him, and Timothy laughed. “So why were you guys celebrating?”

Blue and Razz exchanged grins, and Blue set the box on the edge of her desk. “There is one pretty distinct advantage to being officially married,” she said with a slight laugh.

Razz shrugged, trying to keep his face straight as he said, “We’re approved as foster parents.” 

Timothy yelled, scooping Razz entirely off the ground in a very violent hug, and Razz burst into laughter as he was nearly thrown into the air.

“Do you have someone in mind?! Or are you gonna wait and see if there are any kids that come through you could take?” He let razz go, and they both stumbled a little. “When Cam and I were looking, we had to wait  _ ages _ , If I were you, I would--” 

“We have someone!” Razz exclaimed, too excited to let the other finish. “A fifteen year old girl, she’s in one of my classes that’s sponsored by the state!”

“He talks about her all the time,” Blue said, smiling at him softly. “She was in one of his other programs before her parents passed away. She’s been passed around a little bit, is apparently staying in a group home at the moment. Razz has been trying to get us approved to take her for almost a year.”

“Do you like her?” Timothy asked Blue cautiously, and Razz appreciated his kindness. He really was a great guy, especially matured by a few years and having children.

Blue made a face, seeming a little embarrassed. “I haven’t met her yet. We didn’t want to get her hopes up, if we couldn’t get the approval.”

“I am so happy for you,” Timothy said, hugging Razz again. Quietly, so Blue couldn’t hear, he murmured, “I know how much you’ve wanted this.” Squeezing his eyes shut quickly, Razz nodded, then they broke apart.

“Thank you, Timothy.” Blue smiled, eyes lighting up seemingly in spite of herself.

Razz leaned over to ruffle around in the box Blue had set aside, frowning as he caught sight of the tag. “Hang on, is this actually for me?!”

~~~

“You should probably answer it,” Blue murmured as the doorbell rang, glancing up at him nervously. “We don’t want to overwhelm her.” 

He gave her a small smile, tucked a finger under her chin to kiss her quickly. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” she said, then grinned. “Kind of excited, actually.”

He gave her a quick nod, then handed her the rest of the silverware and straightened his sleeves nervously as he went to the door. Steeling himself, he opened it, and was immediately greeted with a huge smile and arms thrown around his shoulders. She was almost bouncing in excitement, an emotion that was entirely unusual for the normally stoic and sarcastic teenager he knew. “Sorry! I just-- I’m really excited! I can’t believe you’re actually…” She laughed, hugging him again, and he smiled as he wrapped his arm around her in return. Her blond hair was pulled up into twin buns, as always, and her blue eyes were starting to shine with tears as they broke apart. 

“I’m glad you wanted to give it a shot,” he said, glancing up to see a car pulling out of the driveway. “Anyone you’re waiting for?” 

“Nah,” she said, shaking her head. “Margie just said to call her when I need to get picked up, and not to tell the social workers she let me come alone.” 

He nodded, unsurprised. “Do you want to come in? My wife is setting the table, and dinner just needs a few minutes.”

“I’m glad we’re doing this first,” she said, making a little bit of a face as he stepped aside. “Like, I’ve already decided, I want to stay with you no matter what, but I’m glad I get to meet her before I’m living here. Your wife, I mean.” 

Razz raised a brow, and she laughed, rubbing the back of her neck. “I mean, if you like her she must be great! You’re a good dude.” 

“Well, thank you.” Before it could get awkward, he gestured for the other to precede him into the dining room. As they emerged, Razz saw Blue wiping her hands on her pants, looking like she might throw up before she saw them. Her face erupted in a nervous smile, and she glanced at him before directing her attention to the girl at his side. 

They looked at each other, and out of the corner of his eye, Razz saw Hailey’s mouth drop open. Blue didn’t seem to notice, rounding the table and holding out her hand, stumbling a little over her introduction. 

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Hailey! I’m Blue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that aren't familiar with my universe, Hailey's a pretty important character. Remember that baby Blue gave up, fifteen years before this epilogue?
> 
> If you'd like a ton of art and self-indulgence about these characters, follow my [Witsyo Tumblr](https://witsyo.tumblr.com/)!   
> Keep an eye on my Ao3, too, especially my OSC "Written in the Scars". I've been writing a ton, and you can expect a ton more content about all the different AUs for these guys.

**Author's Note:**

> [Here, have a 6,500 word one-shot set in this universe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16369856/chapters/58459972)


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